Another stroke ...

rosy18

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Jul 23, 2016
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Blackpool
Oh Marnie just seen this thread, not been on TP much as tied up with Mum but just wanted to send you and your Mum ((hugs)),really don't know how you're coping whilst having been unwell yourself.
I do know what you mean re the carers I have increased Mums hours of care for month of Jan till things improve and your privacy in your own home just seems to be so invaded but atm needs must so I will just have to grin and bare it.
I hope both you and your Mum start to feel a little better xx
 

Amy in the US

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Feb 28, 2015
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USA
Marnie, I think it's a good idea to have the doctor come and check her over tomorrow. As they say, perhaps something to loosen the mucous or otherwise make her more comfortable.

I think they should check you over as well!

My OH and I have both been ill with something that sound similar to what you have, and so have several other people I know. One of them mentioned that she got a lot of relief from putting a humidifier in the bedroom. I hate to suggest anything that makes more work for you, but if it might help?

I am sorry you are still so wiped out, and that your mum is still coughing. This is lousy for you no matter how you look at it.
 

Kikki21

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Feb 27, 2016
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East Midlands
My mum has coughed for weeks & weeks. She ended up with a chest infection & then after her stroke/mini strokes, she has still been coughing although not quite as much now.
There are a lot of bugs around the UK at the mo so we really do not want anyone to be catching this awful flu either!
 

Marnie63

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Dec 26, 2015
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Hampshire
Well I was going to call the surgery this morning, but mum seems brighter and the cough has eased, so I didn't. I've got into a routine the past few days of leaving her in bed for most of the day to rest, and then getting her out for her evening meal. Fortunately she still has an appetite and eats, though a lot less than before. I think it's because she gets tired so quickly. The weight has really dropped off her since the August stroke. I had weighed her not long before that and she was 11 stone 8, but I would imagine she's probably dropped to 10 something now. There is no way of weighing her - I was going to try to put her on the scales with the help of the physio when she started walking well with the frame, but we never did it and now the further stroke in December, and we have probably missed the chance. Is there any way of weighing someone who can no longer stand unassisted? I guess not. It's not important, but it would be interesting to know. Most of her clothes are starting to look really huge on her and although it's easier to dress her when the clothes are looser, it doesn't look nice. Poor mum. I was thinking of buying some new clothes, but if she's just in the house then I wonder if it's worth it? She has plenty of nice clothes and if they're just a bit loose, then so what. Maybe she will start eating a bit better once this cough finally leaves her alone.

Yesterday was the first day I felt a little better, which was just as well as I only had an evening call and mum had a few bouts of diarrhoea for me to deal with! My goodness, the afternoon session was horrible, it took me ages and a few packets of wet wipes to clean her up properly. I have been giving her another course of antibiotics which the GP had pre-prescribed, just in case, as she definitely had another urine infection. I wonder if they will be a common theme now that she is so much weaker.

Still feeling pretty despondent, but not as bad as a few days ago!
 

Beate

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May 21, 2014
12,179
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London
Yes, I saw John being weighed while in a hoist. Not sure how it worked, maybe they hung scales on it, but hospitals and nursing homes know how to do it as they must be abe to check everyone's weight, bedbound or not.
 

Marnie63

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Dec 26, 2015
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Hampshire
Thanks @DollyBird16 - is your mum any closer to coming home? I'm not sure what I think is more hellish now - the hard times at home, or hospital visits! I think I prefer the hard times at home - at least I'm in control here.
 

DollyBird16

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Sep 5, 2017
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Greater London
Hi
Mum came home today.
Was meant to be yesterday usual hospital chaos.
Mum was really happy to be leaving, popping in to say goodbye to all and sundry, showing off her wounds.
Staff all giving hugs and kisses to her, hmmm I got non - don’t think they are missing me - lol.
I didn’t sleep last night so worried about what will happen today.
I let Mum and Dad go home and settle without me fussing and interfering.
I’ll see what the mood is when I go up to them after work.
How has your Mum been today? X
 

Marnie63

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Dec 26, 2015
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Hampshire
Oh, good that your mum is out of hospital DB. I hope she settles back home OK.

My mum is still very weak, still hard to know how much of it is the December stroke and how much the cold/flu/cough. But, we are slowly starting to shake the bug off. I am definitely getting better, slowly, and mum's cough is now better, second day in a row. She still has the urine infection (the carer and I managed to get her onto the commode today so we could see what it looked like), so I will continue the full course of antibiotics that the GP prescribed last time. If no improvement by Friday, I'll pop another sample down to the surgery. There's always something. I suspect the UTIs are now here to stay and will just keep coming.
 

DollyBird16

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Sep 5, 2017
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Greater London
I know what you mean about is it this is it that.
I was really surprised at how ill and confused the uti made Mum. The second antibiotic definitely did the job.

It’s so odd tonight she is back to how she was before. Familiar with her surroundings.
In hospital even yesterday she didn’t want food, tonight at home tucking in. Same confabulations straight back.
I hope you both get a restful night. X
 

Amy in the US

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Feb 28, 2015
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USA
Marnie, I hope you continue to improve. I know that this is the worst cold I've ever had; I would be tempted to think it was flu except I'm sure it wasn't. Today is the first day I feel comfortable out of bed/off the sofa and it's been almost two weeks!

Anyway, hope you and your mum both continue to feel better.

I'm sure I have seen mention here on TP of a way to weigh people using a hoist or other methods, when they are bedbound or can't stand. If you're concerned I would ask about it.

Dolly, I am glad to hear your mum is out of hospital!
 

Marnie63

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Dec 26, 2015
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0
Hampshire
I may be wrong, but I get the feeling tonight that mum is slowly on the way out. There's just something about her, any fight she had left has gone, she is very weak, her face is looking thinner very suddenly (even the carers have remarked on this). Her eyes are starting to take on that 'sunken' look. I am struggling to get her to eat much. She is eating, but today by the evening she didn't want any more food, and I'm not going to force it if she doesn't want it. I'm going to leave her in bed for a few days so she can rest.

Maybe I'm just feeling down, maybe because I've been so ill with this flu, everything seems worse than it is (not sure it can get any worse though!).

I've decided it's not a bad thing to wish this was over, for her and for me. Tonight while the carer and I were doing the night time wash and pad change, she asked me how I would cope on my own and then she remarked how embarrassed she was, lying there half naked, being washed and changed. Even with such advanced dementia, the humanity in her knows the indignity she has to endure. It's all just so awful, so awful. When oh when will it end? When will it finally stop, this horrendous path of dementia? It's so depressing.

Do I carry on at home to the bitter end, or do I call it in now and have her moved to a nursing home so that I don't have to endure these final stages alone with her? Suddenly I'm frightened that I'm not as strong as I thought I was.
 

DollyBird16

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Sep 5, 2017
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Greater London
I may be wrong, but I get the feeling tonight that mum is slowly on the way out. There's just something about her, any fight she had left has gone, she is very weak, her face is looking thinner very suddenly (even the carers have remarked on this). Her eyes are starting to take on that 'sunken' look. I am struggling to get her to eat much. She is eating, but today by the evening she didn't want any more food, and I'm not going to force it if she doesn't want it. I'm going to leave her in bed for a few days so she can rest.

Maybe I'm just feeling down, maybe because I've been so ill with this flu, everything seems worse than it is (not sure it can get any worse though!).

I've decided it's not a bad thing to wish this was over, for her and for me. Tonight while the carer and I were doing the night time wash and pad change, she asked me how I would cope on my own and then she remarked how embarrassed she was, lying there half naked, being washed and changed. Even with such advanced dementia, the humanity in her knows the indignity she has to endure. It's all just so awful, so awful. When oh when will it end? When will it finally stop, this horrendous path of dementia? It's so depressing.

Do I carry on at home to the bitter end, or do I call it in now and have her moved to a nursing home so that I don't have to endure these final stages alone with her? Suddenly I'm frightened that I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

Hun, you are doing the most amazing job.
We kinda know our Mums are overwhelmed with our love and they would hate to know what sacrifices we have made, but we chose.
I always say my heart will tell me, what do I want for my Mum, what memories do I want, everyone is different.
You will never ever make a selfish decision about your Mums care.
You are strong no matter what you choose, it’s takes a massive amount of strength to make a decision.
Please don’t Punish yourself, you must be shattered now continuing caring being so unwell.
If it helps any my Mums eyes sank for over a week all her colour went and I thought, this maybe.
My brother who says very little said to me ‘We just prepare ourselves for what will happen’
I always say to myself ‘I cannot change it but I will do my best to do all I can to make sure Mum is cared for’ At some point I know I’m going to be way out of my depth.
You must get some rest now.
If you need to nothing wrong with a good old cry or shout.
I’m always around. XX
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
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UK
Oh Marnie, I suppose we all get to that point sooner or later. Can understand a little how you are feeling and the thoughts you are having. Although my mum is still mobile, eating, although her appetite has dropped and so on, there are days when I think she will not make it through the night, based only on the way she looks and these days that is not great. Because there is a question mark about bowel cancer, we have decided not to investigate this further and the large weight loss in the last month, is worrying. For your mother to say what she did must be so heart breaking for you and deep in my heart I hope my mum never has that insight.
 

Amy in the US

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Feb 28, 2015
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USA
Marnie, I know you are tired and not feeling well, but you ARE strong and you are doing a fabulous job looking after your mum.

If at any point you feel she needs a nursing home, it does not mean you are a failure. It would mean that you can go and spend time with her and not have to be the primary line carer. It would mean you could sleep at night knowing she is monitored and cared for by an entire staff.

Likewise if you choose to keep her at home, she will be well cared for by you and the carers who come in.

Why not ring the GP's office and ask for a home visit. That way you can have someone else look her over and you can air your concerns. It won't do any harm and if nothing else, you have them listen to her lungs and confirm all is clear.

Sleep on it and please know you are plenty strong and not failing your mum in any way.
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
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Hampshire
I did just that today Amy - I called the surgery in the morning and one of the doctors came out to see mum after lunch. She listened to her chest and confirmed it sounded clear, so at least I can stop worrying about a chest infection. I discussed the urine infection, which is back again, and she has prescribed an antibiotic which she said should see that off, plus deter any potential chest infection, so I will pick that up tomorrow morning. I will have to get up early tomorrow morning and shower. I haven't showered for 4 days, which feels so awful, but actually now, in this situation, it's not that important any more! I still won't go anywhere looking awful (!) but if I'm staying at home, then who cares what I look like.

Yesterday evening I felt really down but today, for the first time in about two weeks, I felt a bit perkier. Thank goodness, and at last. My cough is easing and I feel like some of my energy is starting to return. I had a real heart to heart with the carer who was here last night and she said she was worried I was nearing some kind of depression, but I think it's because I've felt so lousy the past few weeks. It's such a relief to finally start feeling a bit better. The doc who came today said this flu bug is causing huge problems, especially for the elderly. She referred to it as a form of swine flu. I even dealt with a few bouts of diarrhoea in mum today and yesterday, so I must be feeling better! I really need to get used to that, boy it's such a grim job cleaning up diarrhoea from someone lying down, it takes SO long and packets of wipes to make sure she's clean. Usually it comes when I'm on my own, no carer, which is such bad luck. The doc said the diarrhoea is probably connected with the flu virus, which makes sense, as I had it for a while myself. I'm not sure what to feed mum any more, so am just trying small portions of what we would normally eat. I left her in bed today to rest and plan to do the same tomorrow. There's no point pulling her around until she has shifted the flu, if she ever does ...
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
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UK
I always avoid fibre when mum is in this state, no science to back this up but I feel like it is only feeding the D- beast! Bananas and porridge seem to help to bulk it up a little.
 

Marnie63

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Dec 26, 2015
1,637
0
Hampshire
I believe I witnessed mum having a TIA tonight. The carer and I had just got her onto the commode for her pre bedtime wee, and the carer stepped out of the room, with me encouraging mum to lean forward a bit to have a wee. She suddenly bowed her head down and when I looked at her face it was blank and she couldn't speak. I shouted to the carer, who had a look and agreed there was something happening. It was really horrible, her eyes just kind of glazed over and she couldn't lift her head. Her face kind of froze. I'm glad she was sitting down, not that she's mobile at the moment anyway. Carer phoned 999, but about a minute later I was telling her to stand them down as mum then came round as quickly as she'd gone 'blank', and started talking normally! They came anyway and checked her over, all OK. I told them I didn't want her in hospital. It was really scary, when these things happen you just don't know what on earth is going on, or what it may be leading to next. They didn't confirm a TIA of course, but suggested it could have been one, also said because of recent flu/possible chest infection/diarrhoea/UTI, it could have been a 'funny turn', just because of something being out of sync.

On the plus side, mum's diarrhoea has stopped, for now anyway. Some good news!