Another sad moment

[Gwennie]

It was a day of crying and asking why. One of the carer's from mum's ECH called me this morning to say that mum wanted to speak to me. When mum came on the phone she was distressed and anxious and for a few moments there was a window of clarity and I was speaking to my "mum" but she was crying and asking me what was wrong with her and why was she where she was. It caught me so off guard that I broke down in tears on the phone but I was trying to explain that she was ill and she was in a good safe place. I didn't know what to say or do. Later in the day I went to visit mum and found out that she had managed to leave the ECH and wander down to the local high street. She was found by someone who called the police who managed to find out who she was and where she lived. When I got to the ECH one of the carers was asking me if I knew what had happened today - no-one had bothered to get in touch with me to tell me about the situation.
This is the third time in the 3 months that mum has been at ECH that she has managed to leave the building. I'm so frustrated as I am in the process of speaking to ss about getting mum moved to a care home but at the moment don't seem to be getting anywhere!
I'm so angry and frustrated, I am my mum's only carer and I don't have family to rely on for any help or support so I am running myself ragged and just don't know what to do or who to turn to - hence my rant on TP.

Thanks!
Gwennie -

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Gwennie

Your mother needs to be in a home with a secure combination lock front door. It is not good enough that she is found wandering. This puts her at risk.

There is a lady at my husband`s home who keeps trying the front door. She asks me why it is locked and I tell her it is to keep her safe.
She doesn`t agree and says she is being kept a prisoner. It`s very hard to answer that one but I keep telling her the traffic is too fast or the pavement is slippy .

I hope you can find somewhere where your mother is safer.

 

[Gwennie]

All the carers at the ECH property have told me in confidence that my mother is not safe where she is. I now need to get ss to listen to me and to help me. Mum has deteriorated in the 3 moths she has been there and there is more confusion each day which does not help the situation. I can't relax and i am going away for the New Year weekend but feel guilty about doing so. I can't sleep at the moment hence the chatting on TP.
Let's hope 2011 brings some "happiness and safety" for my mum

 

[sistermillicent]

I don't know whether the police normally get called to search for your mum when your mum leaves the ECH, but I suggest that they should be. If the ECH don't do it then you should. This will add weight to your case for getting her moved.
My mum wanders too and we have to keep doors locked. It feels harsh but it was the only way, we lost her several times before resorting to this.

pippa

 

[Onlyme]

I would also write to the SW with a copy to the Dr and anyone else you can think if stating your mother is not safe. They will have to act on it.

 

[sue38]

It might also be worth speaking to the Police to get a report of what happened when your mum was found, in case the home 'forgets' to mention to SS that the Police had to be called.

 

[Gwennie]

Thanks everyone for the advice. SS are slow to react but I think geeting the police report will definitely add weight to mums's case.
I wish I could lock mum in her flat but I've seen the way she reacts when I locked her in my car as a nipped to a shop for 5 mins, it was terrifying to see her level of distress when she could not open the car door.
Gwennie

 

[Nannybus]

xxxdeletedxxx

 

[Gwennie]

Thanks for the support Kay.
Yes my mum got lost in Orpington High street as her ECH is close by. She does not know the area at all and only moved there since being diagnosed with dementia.
You are right we can only do our best and I too am trying to hold down a full time job. I use to beat myself up about what I was doing but now I realise that I am doing my very best and that is all I can do, especially as there is just the one of me!

Gwennie