Another question re husband

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by rea123, Apr 1, 2015.

  1. rea123

    rea123 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    37
    altho we have no formal diagnosis until the 8th april... my husband and me had a very traumatic weekend ... the remote went missing (this is not the traumatic bit) after several hours of turning everything upside down 2 sleepless nights and my eldest son being accused of stealing everything we have the remote was found in his coat pocket along with mail..money...and several other items last seen months ago... now the question phoned the gp who cnt offer an appontment until the 20th april so said he would prescrribe diazapan to be taken sparingly until this consultation... do i get them and take them myself or do i get them and give them to him....and whats sparingly...
     
  2. di65

    di65 Registered User

    Feb 28, 2013
    768
    new zealand
    the 20th April is ridiculous. I would ring back and demand an earlier appointment. This is a very serious thing that can't wait. NO doctor can be THAT busy:eek:
     
  3. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello real123 just posted on your thread, (another question) its best to keep to one thread, as any questions if l can't help you there will always be someone here to help you, try not to worry until you get a diagnosis,
     
  4. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    Oh Rea I know what it is like this is a everyday occurence and has been for years, with my husband, especially the remote and money and his wallet,

    I never thought of asking for medication to help him cope with the agitation it causes I just thought of it as a onward going thing in dementia,

    He has had diazepam for something else and it didn't make any difference to his hiding, losing and looking for things so I hope it works for your husband ,

    Best wishes, Jeany x
     
  5. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,237
    Female
    England
    Get them and give as directed on the box to the person they are prescribed for.

    Our surgery keep appointments back for emergencies and if you ring up first thing in the morning they open these appointments up for use. Try ringing right on opening time.
     
  6. rea123

    rea123 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    37
    hi thanks for the replies....just been back to the doctors and was told that until we have attended this consultation theres nothing they know or can tell us.... and just to go pick up the diazapan which is to be taken when needed (they are for m y husband) im trying to stay rational but failing miserably....just locked the door his the key and going to go to bed and pull the duvet over my head until i feel like facing the world again later.... soooooo stressed x
     
  7. 1954

    1954 Registered User

    Jan 3, 2013
    3,836
    Sidcup
    Huge huge hugs xxx
     
  8. rea123

    rea123 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    37



    cnt thankyou enough for your response.... may i ask you does your husband know hes hiding these things once they have been found... i try so hard not to get angry or upset with my husband but surely he must know hes done it altho hes still convinced our eldest hid them to steal them later.... our son is very understanding and came to help his dad look for these things whilst suffering a tide of abuse... then denies that hes said or done anything and sits with his head in his hands... my husband is so kind and welcoming to our other two children... and is over the moon when the grandchildren come...hes straight on the floor with the toy box building and playing as tho theres absolutely nothing wrong with him
     
  9. rea123

    rea123 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    37
    thankyou just what i needed .... now yve made me cry... all for the right reasons... so sad at the minute i try not to be tho but im exhausted
     
  10. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello real123 my hubby forgets that he has hidden things when l find them he says someone else put them there, l just go along with it otherwise they seem to get so upset, and then we get upset, just agree with everything they say, its much easier. Bless you a big (((((HUG))))) from me
     
  11. 1954

    1954 Registered User

    Jan 3, 2013
    3,836
    Sidcup
    I have with time found it is easier to go along with everything mil says. Sometimes I fail and we all suffer

    The biggest huge hugs xxxxxxxx
     
  12. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    Hi Rea, no he doesn't realise that it was him that hid them, He blames me, our youngest son or our youngest grandson or anyone who has been in the house, I do not get annoyed I just say they wouldn't do that and then walk away, Some of the things have been missing for weeks then suddenly appear again he always has a explanation, it is never him, I refuse to argue with him and ignore it as much as I can,
     
  13. Maymab

    Maymab Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    216
    Staffs
    Oh rea, I am so sorry you are having such a traumatic time. My husband also hides things but has no idea later that he has done so. It can be very hard at times. I regularly checked his pockets and think he must have thrown some things away. Your son sounds so good and I am sure must be a source of support for you. I hope you are also able to take comfort from your lovely grandchildren. Thinking of you and sending you hugs.

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  14. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I'm impressed they at least gave a prescription for Diazepam. Be careful with these as they are very strong.

    This is very much how it all began for me. Hang in there Rea, and try to make as much of an effort as you can to get seen by someone. I know how gruelling that is, but do just hang in there.
     
  15. rea123

    rea123 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    37
    thankyou.... i am hanging on by a thread here.... he told me to go and die on friday... was so abusive and aggresive... then sits there laughing... my youngest son came home for the weekend and he sits talking with him as tho everything is fine... altho we went out for a drink and both of us ended up covered in a pint that he went to pick up and spilt it everywhere...we both sat there dripping...then he got all confused and started shouting that he didnt want to come out and i had made him...and it was all my fault... is this normal... am i going mad and it is me ... am i asking too much of him... oh god i wish it was wednesday
     
  16. rea123

    rea123 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    37
    lol apparently its me that throws everything away... my eldest son that steals from him and the other two sit polishing their halos... is it accepted behaviour that someone gets all the blame... im having grat tgrouble trying to guess why its me and our eldest that seem to get the brunt of his frustration and he sits and has a reasonable conversation with the others .... virtually as tho theres nothing wrong... confused thats me totally gs..
     
  17. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    204
    rea123

    You must somehow accept that this is not his normal behaviour, it's painful I know to be on the receiving end, most of us have been there, so you're not alone. Don't despair, there is help out there, and the medication it sounds as though he needs to control these episodes. Wednesday will come, insist on help for him, and yourself, tell them what you have told us, they must understand how you are suffering too.

    Big hugs !
     
  18. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    #18 cragmaid, Apr 5, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2015
    Rea, you have my sympathy. My late Mum always blamed " someone" else for the weird and wonderful things she did. Since you have an appointment for the 8th I presume this is with a Memory Consultant or a Psychiatric Nurse. You should make a diary note of all the things that your OH is doing that are out of the ordinary...ie not what you or I might do. Write down all your concerns and put the letter in an envelope and pass it to the Nurse or Receptionist with a request that it is not to be discussed in front of your husband ( unless you think he will not accuse you of being unkind), but that you can be contacted for further information.
    The one lesson I learned early on in Mum's illness was to stop expecting a rational reason for her oddities. Sometimes she was aware of things she was doing and knew that she was doing them wrongly and other times she could see no wrong at all, and I was the one with problems.

    Don't ...and I know that it's easy to say this.... take the accusations personally. Neither you nor your son are doing wrong. It's just unfortunate that the two of you, for now, are his " someone" stealing from him. Make sure that you keep in touch with your family so that they can see the problems you are facing and can offer help when needed.

    Oh....and keep in touch here too, there's always someone here to listen.:)
     
  19. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,085
    Brazil
    Rea,
    Usually the worst behaviour is for close people ( OH / sons).

    I was my mom's punchbag. However she was ok to neighbours. She used to hide things to keep safe, then forgot, then accused me of hiding to steal or to made her crazy.

    What can be done:

    Protect yourself. Have a safe room with lock that you can phone for help.

    Don't take aggression / accusation personally. It is just dementia talking. He may remember the emotion, not the fact.

    I used to memorise my moms hiding places. So I knew where it was hidden. I helped her to search and find things.
    I.e. Let's search again in coats pockets, on freezer, or garbage can, under your mattress ...
    Then "how smart you are. I couldn't find it by myself".
    I know it easy to say than do, but home was a hell if mom was nervous.
     
  20. rea123

    rea123 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    37
    thankyou everyone for listening... just hearing that others have and are going thro what im dealing with dosnt make me feel so alone.... im trying so hard to make sense of it all... trying so hard to be understanding and kind...and just reaing your kind words and your advice keeps me going another day/night...

    our grandaughter who is 7 seems to be the only one to put a smile on my face at the min.... telling me that grandad is still grandad who does and says silly things and we must still love him cos whens shes naughty we still love her....

    alls peaceful now .. so im off to bed who knows for how long... so once again this site is just amazing and so are all of you x x x x
     

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