1. mandyp

    mandyp Registered User

    Oct 20, 2004
    150
    Glasgow
    Hi all,

    Well it's just one thing after another lately!

    Dad had said Mum needed new pants, well it seems that they had been disappearing.......he's found them! some were hidden under the bed and some were stuffed behind the washing basket.

    It seems she's had some accidents, Dad thinks it's not that bad as she's aware enough to hide them, I however think he should do something about it now.

    Poor Dad has no idea how to approach this, it's been really tough for him to cope with this find. It's clearly not happening all the time, but Dad has no idea what to say to Mum, he doesn't want to embarrass her. I suggested some sort of pads or something, he's not keen to put her in this position at the moment.

    I appreciate that Dad doesn't want to upset Mum, so have no clue how to approach this. He was going to speak to the nurse, but Mum is always there and he'd prefer to ask her in confidence which he's not able to do,

    As always any advice would be gratefully received,

    Mandy
     
  2. rudolph

    rudolph Registered User

    Feb 19, 2007
    10
    Glasgow
    Hi Mandy,

    I don't know if I can be much help but I'll try. My mother did exactly the same thing - she was hiding her pants because she was embarrassed. She was obviously aware enough to do that but still couldn't always make it to the toilet. My Dad was able to speak to the health worker, who in turn spoke to my mother and was really good. She made it sound as normal and everyday an occurrence as possible and put my mother very much at ease. At the beginning, they agreed that my Dad would help her to the bathroom more frequently during the day, and they put a waterproof cover on her chair. This helped a little short term but eventually they moved on to incontinence pads, which my mother accepted really well. I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe if your Dad could phone the nurse and speak to her then when your mother's not present, or make an appointment to see her alone they could discuss what will work best for your mother. I think involving your mother in whatever decisions you make is probably better for her but I know every individual is different. Tact and understanding - needed in bucketloads for just about every situation that's thrown at you with this condition!
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Mandy

    It is a difficult problem at first, because of the embarrassment involved, and the need not to worry your Mum.

    Would it be possible for you to ring your Mum's social worker and explain the situation? As you are in Scotland, I presume the situation is the same as here. Supplies come via social services, who call in the incontinence advisor.

    They supply pads free of charge, but they are difficult to manage, and your Dad would need to take your Mum to the toilet.

    A better option at the moment would be to buy incontinence pants from Boots (own brand, about £7 for 10).

    I'm using them at the moment with my husband, and he manages them himself very well. They only need to be changed when 'full'.


    But if you decide to do this, I would still notify SS, as it takes a while for the referral.

    Best wishes,
     
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Registered User

    Feb 12, 2007
    55
    My mother did exactly the same thing. I've now got her wearing Tena Lady pads. She has taken ok to them and knows to ask me when she needs a new pad. I haven't told her nurse or anyone else about this - I don't want to embarrass her.
     
  5. mandyp

    mandyp Registered User

    Oct 20, 2004
    150
    Glasgow
    Food for thought. Dad is never alone with the nurse, Mum is always there and I can only take her out at weekends, so he can't contact her then.

    I realise that this isn't a nice topic, but it's not wee that's in her pants.

    Dad thinks it could be the drugs, she is constantly at the toilet.....and oh dear, the smell she makes (but that's okay, that's what the toilet is for). I don't really know how to put this, I think things are 'loose' to say the least. This could be the problem.

    Dad has mentioned this to the nurse and she's told him to persevere, he hasn't mentioned the 'pants' situation though.

    Mum is aware enough to be affronted if this was brought up.

    Thanks for all your replies (as always, don't know what I'd do half the time without being able to post here!)

    Mandy
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    If we're being graphic here, could it be leakage from her passing gas? If she's having what the literature tends to refer to as "foul smelling stools" she's probably gassy as well. If it wasn't much (in quantity) how do you think she'd respond to what is called in the states "panty liners" (i.e. sanitary pads)? I've had this issue with my mother, and while continece products were regarded with horror, these pads which are much thinner (and not as hot) were acceptable.

    Jennifer
     
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Mandy

    What medication is your Mum on? It sounds as if she might need some adjustment. Or she may have picked up an infection. You definitely need some medical help though, diarrhoea will weaken her very quickly, and worsen the symptoms of AD.

    My husband had a similar problem last year, which took ages to clear up. I thought we were into the final stages of AD, but since he got rid of the virus he has picked up again. Whether it is virus or medication in your Mum's case, it should be sorted as soon as possible.

    Is it not possible for you to ring the nurse yourself?
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    PS

    I had forgotten - the GP prescribed Dioralyte for John while he was ill, to keep him hydrated. This is very important, because dehydration will make your mum more 'fuzzy'. You can buy it over the counter, but it'e obviously cheaper on prescription.
     
  9. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Sorry Mandy, whichever route you choose, it does sound as if 'pads' of some sort are required.

    The best approach: Not sure here, but.....and its only a but, could you not "confide" in mum that you are having a problem, and approach the difficulity together. Just another approach I know,

    Just to let you know you are definitely not alone, love
     
  10. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Is it possible to send a confidential note to the nurse explaining in detail the situation. They are so familiar with this it would be taken on board easily by a good nurse. Then she may arrange to call and approach the subject with your mum (perhaps without your Dad present). Just a thought - I have done this quite often with our practice and they are very understanding about it.

    If not a note to the nurse, why not to the GP - whichever you feel most confident with. Beckyjan
     
  11. mandyp

    mandyp Registered User

    Oct 20, 2004
    150
    Glasgow
    Dad has explained that Mum has diahorrea to both the psychiatrist and the nurse, they've both said he should persevere with the drugs (galatamine and aricept). It's the same with the sweats that she has, sometimes she goes purple. Again, they've told Dad to stick with the dose that she's on.

    She goes to the toilet a lot to wee as well (again, she could be worrying about it and checking).

    She drinks plenty of water and fruit juice, I don't think she's dehydtrating, but I will suggest the possibility of an infection to Dad so that he can check that out.

    I'll also suggest that he could even discreetly pass a note to the nurse.

    Connie, that's not a bad idea either, I might give that a go, again I'll check with Dad and see what he thinks.

    It's hard to accept the inevitable decline in this way, Mum must hate it and my heart goes out to her, it's not knowing what she's thinking about it all.

    Thanks again

    Mandy
     
  12. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Could she possibly be having too much fruit jiuce? That can have a laxative effect.

    Good luck with it all.

    Jennifer
     
  13. Blacksheep

    Blacksheep Registered User

    Nov 2, 2006
    15
    South East
    Another in favour of the disposable pants.

    Mum was hiding soiled underwear, so I bought her some in Boots. She happily accepted them and now wears daily, I think she was relieved to have a simple solution as was too embarassed to discuss with anyone.
     
  14. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Although it's difficult and embarassing, mum could well be hugely relieved when this is finally brought up and she's helped to find a solution.
     
  15. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Sorry Blacksheep ......... I hadn't read your last message before I posted. Realise I'm just saying more or less exactly what you said.

    great minds eh ;)
     
  16. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Is your mum on both? I thought they were alternatives?

    Love,
     
  17. Blacksheep

    Blacksheep Registered User

    Nov 2, 2006
    15
    South East
    Great minds indeed :)
     

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