Another newbie


Registered User
Apr 8, 2006
Hello everyone, I have found this wonderful site and registered yesterday, how good it was to find other stories like mine and feel I am not alone in my situation.

Will try to keep brief, hubby & I retired in May 2006, during the 32 years of our marriage we have had my in laws living with us (a long story!). Dad died 15 years ago, Mum now 93 and started with very mild A 5 years ago, last August she fell downstairs, we found her after returning home, very traumatic occasion. She thankfully did not suffer any breaks just severe bruising but spent 7 weeks in GP nursing unit, her Alzheimers got worse, family and nursing staff agreed she was not fit to return home, we were hoping she would take respite care with view to perhaps permanent residential care. Not the case, as she said NO emphatically! she was allowed home despite our feelings with a care package provided (we said we did not retire to look after Mum 24/7 were we selfish?) She has care 4 times daily 7 days week funded by government!!, it provides personal washing,cooked microwave meal lunchtime, tea and getting to bed. We do all cleaning, washing, ironing, changing her bed etc, shopping, so she has clean and tidy home, hubby takes and fetches her from the hairdressers once a week.
We have had the usual traits, aggression, abuse, paranoia etc etc, even to the extent of accusing hubby & I of having affairs! The last straw was 2 weeks ago, she agreed that respite care was a good idea, the referrals were made thru community nurse via social services, a visit was organised last Friday only for Mum to say "I am alright in my home" I am now at the end of my tether, my marriage is now suffering and I wonder why our views don't count and the powers that be can take the views of a 93 year old with Alzheimers. Mum is only taking Risperdal medication which has helped with the aggression, she has a local Crossroads carer who takes her (when she wants to go!) to a local club for a couple of hours once a week, this gives us time to do all the cleaning etc while she is out.

Has anyone any ideas or sugtgestions as to how to persuade a very stubborn lady that respite care would do her and us a power of good, I do feel that if we could get her away for a short time she would enjoy it, its the getting her there
that is the problem.

Sorry for going on a bit, look forward to receiving any comments

Thanks for listening to my rant at least I feel a bit better now.



Registered User
Apr 9, 2006
South West
A New Person Hello Everyone!!

Hi my Dad was diagnosed with Dementia about 6 months ago. He was put on tablets and is doing really well. He is not too confused and is pretty alert still. BUT the problem is my Mum, she is just not coping and keeps saying she knows he will get worse and keeps hinting to me and my sister that he will HAVE to be put in a home! I am not sure what to say to her as Dad is really not as bad as some others with this disease. Dad does get upset about certain things and gets angry but my Mum will insist on arguing with him when he gets facts wrong, which is the worst thing she can do. Any suggestions please? Thanks!!!


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Suggestions? Give it time, and lots of understanding. Your mum has a lot to come to terms with.


Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
I haven't much to add to what Amy said except remember that lying in the interest of all is acceptable. If necessary exagerate your situation to acheive your ends. Come to think of it it is very difficult to exagerate what AD does to us!




Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
Hi Trisha
Welcome to TP.
I feel for you, you are having a rough ride at the moment.
I am having some similar problems at the moment .
Have a look at my posting "reluctant Respite" there are some ideas on there

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