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Another failed discharge.

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
After a morning of leaving messages via Email and voicemail and every other mail I could find I have had some great support from the carers liaison officer. She works at the other big local hospital where rules are slightly different, but has confirmed that the ward sister will accept my POA and the clerk should take a copy as per @marionq's advice.
I can't visit today, so will just have to drop that off and leave. The staff nurse was supposed to call me back an hour ago, but is obviously busy. No word from OTs or doctors either, so more phone calls to make.
Carers Liaison has told me the Care Act states I should be treated as an expert in C's care and consulted accordingly, so that is something worth quoting every visit. The small size of the ward means other entitlements to extra visits on compassionate grounds are ruled out for now, but pass it on in case anyone finds it helpful.
I am going for a massage pre-booked a few weeks ago, so should be more relaxed when I pop in with POA.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
7,984
0
Essex
After a morning of leaving messages via Email and voicemail and every other mail I could find I have had some great support from the carers liaison officer. She works at the other big local hospital where rules are slightly different, but has confirmed that the ward sister will accept my POA and the clerk should take a copy as per @marionq's advice.
I can't visit today, so will just have to drop that off and leave. The staff nurse was supposed to call me back an hour ago, but is obviously busy. No word from OTs or doctors either, so more phone calls to make.
Carers Liaison has told me the Care Act states I should be treated as an expert in C's care and consulted accordingly, so that is something worth quoting every visit. The small size of the ward means other entitlements to extra visits on compassionate grounds are ruled out for now, but pass it on in case anyone finds it helpful.
I am going for a massage pre-booked a few weeks ago, so should be more relaxed when I pop in with POA.
Dear @nae sporran,

Try to relax with that massage and remember you are doing a brilliant job.

MaNaAk
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
I'm a bit happier today.
The doctor I spoke to just now was aware of the communication problems and C's increased confusion and tells me that is in her notes. I didn't go in to give them POA, I'll do that when I can visit properly tomorrow even if it means going 15 minutes early to get them a photocopy.
Her hip is not broken though there are signs of degenerative tissue damage which may be arthritis. She is being assessed by pain specialists and tissue nurses with another referral to dermatology. she will be assessed later in the week for mobility by OTs and physios once the pain has stabilised and is a lot better. They do seem to be aware of the failed discharge and everything else going on, and are thankfully on top of it.
I spoke to the care manager who is new to the job and the place, but she is happy to discuss care needs with me and the OTs before C comes home again. Moving to a care home is reluctantly on the agenda as is moving to extra care which is a step up from where we are without being full care. I asked about that on here before and got some encouragement that it would not be as bad as I feared, but need a bit of a discussion before taking the plunge.
My massage was also very relaxing and the therapist's mother was in care with dementia, so she understands and is so supportive.
Thanks for reading and for everyone's kind replies over the 10 days or so.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Me again, rambling away.
The Ward Sister refused to take the POA documents after telling the carers liaison that it would be acceptable. She showed me the records and that I am on there as next of kin. She doesn't know why the previous ward had the same information and ignored it, but I can't argue if it was not her fault. I'm taking it all with me every day in case someone needs a kick up the proverbial.
The biggest worry is the way C keeps saying she won't see me again tomorrow. She's been like that one way or another for the best part of a month and it scares me every time. I reassure her the best I can, but well you all know how that goes.
Sorry @jugglingmum, I got your pm, and will reply later once I unwind a bit.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Bloomin' eck, so much responsibility to family and to C I am exhausted. C's daughter wants me to bring a IP3 player, get the name rank and serial number of every doctor and nurse I speak to, and give the phone to C so she can speak to her and her brother wants to speak too, so passing the phone on again. C accidentally hits the off button, so I have to re-connect.
I am the only one who is allowed in so that is all inevitable, but it's no wonder I need a bottle or two of beer when I get home. Sorry I never seem to support anyone else on the forum, but when you are sole carer and communicator to invisibles who demand the earth it is hard work. Enough self pity, poor old C is the one in pain and the doctors think some of that is psychological.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
67,202
0
71
Dundee
Rob you shouldn’t be apologising. This is the time you need and deserve support. What a dreadful time you’re both having.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thanks, Izzy. We will hear from physios tomorrow, but from what the pain specialist nurse said today C will be there over the weekend at least.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,670
0
Southampton
its hard going with C in hospital, then the invisibles demanding. did C press the off switch intentionally perhaps?! its time consuming trying to keep everyone up to date. take the support and the bottles of beer and anything else that helps you get through it all. enjoy the rest at home and try and wind down.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,312
0
Kent
@nae sporran . This nightmare seems to have been going on for months now. I understand C`s family wanting to be kept in the loop but could you just update one member and ask them to relay the information to the others.
Explain how exhausted you are because I`m sure, from a distance they will have no idea.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
@nae sporran . This nightmare seems to have been going on for months now. I understand C`s family wanting to be kept in the loop but could you just update one member and ask them to relay the information to the others.
Explain how exhausted you are because I`m sure, from a distance they will have no idea.
Sounds good, thanks Sylvia. The problem is that they don't talk to each other. The positive is that her son who is currently working in Italy was so worried by me telling him she told people I am a friend of the family that he called on the video phone to make sure she would not forget him. That cheered her up and I hope it is the start of few more calls.
I'm having dinner at C's daughter's flat after visiting and will try to tell her how hard it is.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
5,023
0
Nottinghamshire
Sorry things are so tough. I hope C's daughter starts to give you some support. Glad her son is getting in touch too.
I hope they get to the bottom of the pain and get her home very soon. But in the meantime try and make sure you look after yourself.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,407
0
High Peak
I recall when dear mama was in hospital (pre-covid) and I couldn't get any info from the nurses, never got to see a doctor, etc. - you know what it's like. My brother, who I rarely spoke to, was on the phone ranting about what I should have done. 'You should demand to see their superior and refuse to budge till you see them. You should go and find the doctor and insist he speaks to you. You should get all their names and report them.' He had all the answers :(

Of course, like you, I was in the thick of it, trying to deal with my mother, trying to make sure she wasn't still lying in a pool of urine (again) and trying to find out if she'd eaten anything. And trying to come to terms with the fact that she had suddenly changed drastically.

So I really feel for you. Your concerns are - rightly - for C. Her various children should not be imposing on you and making demands or telling you what you 'should do'. It is so annoying, frustrating and UNhelpful. So many things they could do that would help yet they choose to do things that really don't. I hope they all come to their senses and realise your position in all this.

Thinking of you and C....
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,553
0
68
Toronto, Canada
@nae sporran when you have dinner with C's daughter, would it work if you asked her how the family should be informed, but in a way that does not involve you fending off multiple calls a day? Would emailing everyone be easier for you? Would a designated day work - Mondays for uncle, Wednesdays for son etc.

I'm just throwing out ideas here. People really don't understand unless they are in the thick of it.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thanks, Joanne. It's just son and daughter, but daughter is as demanding as Jaded'n'faded's brother. Nurses are too busy to answer the phone and doctors expect me to pass on all information, but C's daughter does want names, titles, medication including doses and so much more neither I nor the doctors have time to give her.
Her father died in the same hospital of a heart attack and there was a mistake with medication on that occasion. It was a few years before I arrived on the scene and I understand her worry, but it is so much stress when I only have an hour.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,407
0
High Peak
I guess C's daughter, though well-meaning, just doesn't have a clue about the reality of hospital these days. It was definitely the same with my brother.

The thing is, I'm sure you'd like to know all the things C's daughter is asking - what meds, what's been happening generally, what their plans for C are going forward, etc. It would make such a difference for relatives if staff made sure to keep them fully informed, yet there seems to be 'no time' for such niceties and you NEVER get to speak to a doctor. (Nor does anyone phone you back when you ask them to.) Sadly this seems to be a universal experience these days.

I do think having a discussion with C's daughter about what is and isn't possible is the way to go. She needs to understand the reality of hospital visiting and also that it's the only hour you get to spend with C so you just don't have time to chase everyone/everything.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thanks again, @Jaded'n'faded. I spent most of today's hour long visit talking to the OT about what needs to happen for C when they discharge her. It will involve a lot of co-ordination between social services and the care manager, myself and the OT. Meanwhile =, C was being taken to the toilet by the physio who was pleased with her progress. It meant when her children phoned separately in the last 5 minutes she was telling them both complete nonsense and randomly giving me the phone back. That is something to discuss with the care manager tomorrow as it may be a new phase. It may just be tiredness combined with medication, but they still have to make care staff aware. Anyway, I'm talking to myself now.
Anyone who has seen confusion increase after a hospital visit and who can tell me how long it lasted will be appreciated.