Another downward shift

[Liz57]

Today, Mum's anxiety when she can't reach me took her to another downward shift.

Having spent the day with her as usual for a Saturday (lunch out followed by a bit of shopping), I took her home at 3.30 and said I'd be back around 5.30 "for a cup of tea" (sort out meds, check she's eaten or get her something etc.). By 4.30 the phone was ringing and I attempted calm and said I'd call in once I'd run a small errand. I then left the house to put some notices on the local notice board (part of one of my jobs) and started chatting to a local resident as I did so. I then looked up and there was mum, out in the cold with a thin cardi on, looking visably upset. She doesn't walk at all well and the walk to my house (if she managed to find it) is really too far for her despite being only about 200 yards. I managed to distract her by introducing her to the resident and eventually got her into the car (she was visibly shivering by then) and went back home again by which time she'd forgotten why she was out,=, Reading between the lines, I believe she got anxious when I didn't answer the house phone and came to find me. This is a new development and a worrying one as I know she phones the house phone repeatedly all day whilst I am work (my other part time job). I'd been away from my home for no longer than about 20 minutes. I'm now worried that she'll wander when I'm at work.

I know it's time for a care home but without power of attorney (I'm working on that one) and her being self funding (so no help from SS), I'm between a rock and a hard place at the moment. I can't force the issue. I can see she's no longer safe on her own and its like watching a car crash in slow motion. I just know something really bad is going to happen but I feel powerless to stop it.

 

[Adcat]

Evening Liz57,
I joined TP in June last year with a similar situation to you. I got a 'companion' for my dad whilst I was at work and extend this when I want a night out/off or go on holiday. dad is self funding and I have the power of attorney. So far so good. Maybe explore this option first. I researched 5 care companies before I chose the one that I trust to look after dad.
I hope this helps.
Take care

 

[betsie]

It is such a worry when they start to wander. That is one of the reasons we put my dad into a home. He didn't walk that well but could sprint down the road 2 miles like a man possessed.

My dad is self funded and we had no power of attorney but we still put him into a care home. No SS involvement at all. It was a bit hastie as mum broke her ankle on the Saturday, went and looked at 2 on the Monday and he was in one on the Tuesday. No one mentioned POA.

Maybe you could find one you like and see if they will take on respite for a few weeks to make it easier for you both to get used to the situation. If she settles and you are happy with the care you could then make it permanent.

 

[Liz57]

Thats good advice, thank you. I'm in desperate need of a break and am beginning to worry alot about what would happen if anything happened to me. This week saw two of my work colleagues get struck down with a tummy bug and it made me realise that if anything, even something as minor as that, were to happen to me, it would all fall apart dramatically.

 

[Sweet]

I worked too. Mum constantly phoned , she couldn't help her anxiety, and then would be sat outside her home whatever the weather. I was so stressed thinking about her all the time.

I did think she may live with me, but she knew she would still be on her own while I was at work. The eventual answer was a lovely CH 5 mins from my house. I realise we were lucky with that. Mum was much better with people around her all day, or quietly in her room and it helped my stress for her.

My experience of the CH was positive. Hope things work out for you x

 

[joggyb]

I had much the same experience as betsie.

Neither I nor any of my family had PoA for Dad's health and welfare, but after he was sectioned and taken to hospital for his own safety (found wandering in the early hours), it was no problem to arrange for him to be discharged to our first choice care home, near where he used to live.

I then moved him a few weeks later to a care home very near me, so that I can see him pretty much every day. Again, that was no problem at all. Nobody mentioned PoA for health and welfare.

 

[canary]

It is such a worry when they start to wander. That is one of the reasons we put my dad into a home. He didn't walk that well but could sprint down the road 2 miles like a man possessed.

Yes that describes my mum too. How can someone who shuffles round the home and has to be taken in a wheelchair when she is out on trips manage to get halfway down the road when you take your eyes off her for 2 seconds?
Mum is now in a CH too and looking so much better.