1. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    A year ago today ...

    Unfortunately my brother presented "putting her in a home" both to her and to me as if it were a punishment for being "bad" which at that time meant having a row with my sister-in-law and niece. So the more he went on about it, the more she dug her heels in. It wasn't presented as if there were any advantage for her.
    I couldn't understand why he expected me to take sides with them against her.

    Lots of anniversaries coming up.

    Lila
     
  2. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    anniversarys, yes a painfull time for most, personally for me they were no more painfull than any other day ,now i am on the second time round ,it still hurts like hell ,however, monday was our wedding anniversary 46 yrs ,my bright spot,was looking through my box of momentos,there is one card ,the last one jim bought for me, 2 yr into his illness , he had managed to go to the corner shop and buy this , and laboriousely write a message on it , copying the spellings from the card itself , this he managed to hide in the case as we were going on hols ,this card means more to me than any other i have ever,recieved in my life ,ANGELA X.
     
  3. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    Hi Lila and Angela

    Yep............very painful, .........i've only had 15 weeks and a sunday never passes that i don't feel very sad, and i have not reached any big ones yet!..........christmas, new year, birthdays, anniversaries..............New Years Eve will be the toughest i think..........as i called an ambulance part way through Auld Lang Syne!............(it only took them 4 hours to turn up!) dreading it really.............but i'm told it gets easier with time!:rolleyes:

    Alex x
     
  4. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    yes, anniversaries are tough. i've met several people today whom i've not seen for quite a while. i guess i fell out of a lot of social things when dad started to be ill. having to give lots of brief explanations to people and finding myself realising that it was just about this time last year when i really became aware that there was something wrong with dad. i'd just been away on holiday, come back and he was really not his usual self. in the year since then we rollercoastered through homecare, desperate pleas for more homecare, emergency respite care, diagnosis, permanent nursing care, need for wheelchair, endless confusions with medication, spiralling deterioration, chest infection, and death. inevitable maybe that I'm reliving it one year on.
     
  5. zan

    zan Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    96
    staffordshire
    I've just had the first anniversaries of both my Mum's and Dad's birthdays since they died and we celebrated as if they were still here. We baked a big , sickly , gorgeous chocolate cake for Dad's birthday. You couldn't eat it without thinking of him. He would have loved it and eaten at least two big pieces. For Mum's birthday, we went to the pub for a meal. She would have dressed up and enjoyed herself. Somehow this wasn't depressing - I'm sure they were with us even though we couldn't see them! Last week it was the first anniversary of the stroke which ,5 weeks later ended my Mum's life. That was a much sadder day - it brought back the awful memory of that day and the following weeks.

    Last week, i also spoke to someone who had very recently lost her Father. She was so dreadfully upset, as we all are at that time. It made me realise that time does make it easier to cope with. There isn't one day that I don't think about them both and wish they were back with us, but that awful pain of loss is easing. Timeis like a paracetamol - it dosn't take away the cause of the pain, but makes it easier to cope with. Zan
     
  6. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    A year ago today my mother sent me her last email. Of course as with all the last times, I didn't know it'd be the last. She was emailing me several times a day and I was glad that we had that method of communication, less demanding than the phone, easier than writing letters, to me there is no sign of dementia in those last emails, though I realise from conversation with her neighbours that it had been going on gradually for months before that.

    On the 22nd she had her last flu jab, and on the 23rd was the last time she watched TV (a programme about orang-utans).



    Lila
     
  7. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    A year ago today an old friend came to tea (older than my mother) someone we'd known for 40 years, and my mother thought she was Dorothy Wordsworth. She was pleased but not surprised that Wordsworth's sister came to see her. But put on a reasonable performance while she was there.

    Lila
     
  8. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    A year ago today the carers started coming. That was a bonus as we weren't really expecting them until after the new year. It seemed to be different people and different times each day, (because of the holidays).

    I thought then she'd have the carers for 3 months and then be ready to go in a home.

    Lila
     
  9. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Its mums 83rd birthday today.....a year ago she knew it.....this year she has no idea
     
  10. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I hope she had a happy day, even if she didn't know it was her birthday.

    Lila
     
  11. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    OOOps.....sorry everyone.....I shouldn't really have posted this in the after dementia section........getting a bit carried away.......but I do think back a lot to previous anniversaries......
     
  12. hw00001

    hw00001 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2006
    15
    Guildford
    last xmas was the last time i saw my gran acting okish before she died
     
  13. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    It's difficult to say when my mother was last behaving OK-ish as she always had problems which should probably have been dealt with by therapy (not pills) when she was younger.

    But a year ago today was the time when she actually asked my permission to "go out and play"!
     
  14. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    First big one tomorrow night..........one year ago on new years eve Ray was admitted to intensive care...........i knew i'd lost him then!

    First new years eve i'm not going anywhere..........not through lack of invitations........just didn't want to spend the night putting on a face to keep everyone else happy :eek: ...........was looking forward to a quiet night...........informed today that my son and his family are coming to stay overnight with me :eek: ..............how do i tell them i don't want them to? i just wanna wallow in my own self pity............is that so bad?

    Love Alex x
     
  15. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hiya Alex

    No honey it's not so bad............ I totally understand where you are coming from, but just maybe your son needs to be with you right now............... and he is your son............ he knows its going to be a hard night for you............so if you dont want to paint on the smile...........dont, he will understand..............just think he wants to be close to you, so let him.

    You dont have to be all jolly, just watch some mindless movie or something...... bigs hugs at midnight.......... then under the blankets with your private thoughts..... try and focus on the good times you had with Ray......... those happy shared moments............ look on it as another night to be got through.

    Sending arms wrapped all around you in a massive HUG

    Love
    Cate xx
     
  16. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    We'd got through December so well, but then at New Year my mother had a violent manic attack worse than any I'd seen before which went on for most of 2 days and 2 nights, because my brother went to his wife's relations instead of "first-footing" his own mother. I think he was acting on the assumption that she didn't know which day was which, so it seemed to him that coming over for a few hours on some insignificant mid-week day would do instead.

    Mostly she didn't know which day it was, but on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day she did know, (after all the social interaction with neighbours and on the phone) and on all those days he wasn't there.

    Lila
     
  17. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    One of the aunts thought I should phone for emergency services and they'd section her. But I was afraid of the sort of place where they'd put her. Also she'd behave well for doctors etc. and I'd get accused of wasting their time.

    Anyway gradually over the 3rd day she calmed herself down with sheer exhaustion. Another aunt and cousin visited and that cheered her up a bit, and then at last my brother appeared expecting to be greeted like the angel Gabriel.

    That evening my mother said "let's not have any more shenanigans tonight, eh?" I said I hoped we wouldn't, after the last two nights which I'd spend mostly locked in the (cold) upstairs bathroom with my mobile.

    Lila
     
  18. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    "Rapid Results Clinic"

    A year ago today we went to the "rapid results clinic" at her local hospital. She didn't want to go beforehand, "it'll be a waste of time and they won't know who we are". But in fact she enjoyed most of the day, plenty of attention and men to flirt with. (She told one of the men in the waiting-room that she was 22 and a half.)

    We were there from 9 to 5, and she had lots of tests, physical and mental, and in the end the geriatrician said there was "nothing wrong with her". Just normal old age! He treated me as if I were a liar or an idiot. He said she could go out for a walk whenever she liked and wear whatever she liked and make whatever arrangements she liked with social services.

    The main thing she gained was a new stick from physio, stronger and adjusted to her height.

    As far as she was concerned the worst and most memorable thing about that day was that she lost a glove.


    Lila
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,900
    Kent
    Oh dear Lila, what painful memories. Love Sylvia x
     
  20. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    They aren't all painful, there were always some good times in between. I'm still just processing that last year.

    She had a fall in the garden, neighbours sent for an ambulance, that was her first visit to A & E, and the paramedic discovered that her local hospital no longer accepted over 70's.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.