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Angry Behaviour

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
46
Hi everyone. Just wanted to say how much D.T.P. helps me to understand all the challenging behaviour and I want to thank you all. My husband, ill for 30 years with many illnesses including Multiple Sclerosis (disabled) too and with Optic Neuritis and Nystagmus. Has an indwelling catheter which I attend to, along with all personal care. In the last two weeks he’s had two bowel accidents and it takes quite a while to clean him up, as he can’t stand for too long holding onto his Zimmer and his right leg just won’t move/bend. He forgets to wash his hands and gets so angry when I remind him and starts banging doors and shouting. I have cared for him 24/7 doing everything and more. He’s had this MS Dementia for at least 8 years and MS for 23 years. I have a lot of health problems, due to pushing him in his wheelchair for years. Thinking he may have to go into care at some point, as I can’t carry on like this. He was never a husband that helped me with anything. Does anyone have experience of people in their fifties in a care home? He went into respite for a few nights last month, but he was calling me constantly from 3.30am. I don’t know what to do for the best. Thank you for any advice.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,254
N Ireland
That must be very difficult for you.

You mention that your husband went in to respite recently and so I wonder if Social Services are in contact with you. I think you should talk this over with them as it seems obvious that you need a break.

There is a Society Factsheet about deciding the time for residential care and you can read that by clicking the 2nd line of the following link

Care homes - when is the right time and who decides? (476)
PDF printable version



If you would like to talk it through with someone the experts on the helpline are very good and the details of that are as follows

National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22

Our helpline advisers are here for you.

Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday10am – 4pm

 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
46
That must be very difficult for you.

You mention that your husband went in to respite recently and so I wonder if Social Services are in contact with you. I think you should talk this over with them as it seems obvious that you need a break.

There is a Society Factsheet about deciding the time for residential care and you can read that by clicking the 2nd line of the following link

Care homes - when is the right time and who decides? (476)
PDF printable version



If you would like to talk it through with someone the experts on the helpline are very good and the details of that are as follows

National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22

Our helpline advisers are here for you.

Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday10am – 4pm
Hello . Thank you for your advice and I have started to read it all thoroughly. After this outburst, he slammed a few more doors, came out of the bathroom again and was shouting, “where’s the sink to wash my hands?” With that, he lost his balance and was on his back, between the bathroom and landing area. As I have Osteoarthritis, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and Cervical Spondylosis in my neck and spine, I am unable to help this 6ft. person up anymore. He wasn’t listening to advice, so I left him for five minutes until he calmed down. His legs get taffled up, but with firm advice and help from the grab rails, he was able to get up. I promptly got him back in the bedroom to attach his indwelling catheter night bag and to lift his legs into the bed. At least then it was a break from the constant 24/7 caring. What will today bring? He’s still snoring away and legs kicking about with the muscle spasms. Thanks again. Helps to offload.
 

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
405
i echo the advice about getting in touch with adult social care team. It sounds as if you are at the point where you need to plan for care in a residential home.
My sister is in a small residential home with other ‘young‘ people (50+). Many of them have learning disabilities but everyone needs support...different levels and different levels of physical or mental. Having that mix is great. There is a gent with MS and post stroke dementia and he goes out and about with a carer into town. My sister cannot do much. Another resident with a learning disability catches the bus to her regular place of work. One with dementia and old age sits and does little. They function like a family and all know each other and accept the varying abilities. Most of them live there a long time as you’d expect with young ages. The staff do not wear uniforms and it is sometimes difficult to tell staff and residents apart.
My mum’s nursing home has separate rooms and staff in uniform. A very different feel for different needs. I’d recommend getting an understanding of what sort of home he needs via adult social care. Make a list of local homes and visit....they really vary and you’ll know what isn’t suitable so your list narrows down quickly.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,642
Kent
The staff do not wear uniforms and it is sometimes difficult to tell staff and residents apart.
I do agree with this, especially for people who tend to get confused. It was only the uniforms which enabled my husband to know who was who.

It may be the time for difficult decisions @Sunshine2*. It is so sad your husband is so young but even so you are at the limit of being able to meet his needs without compromising your own health.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
46
Good Morning and thank you all for your kind and caring help. All your encouragement gives me the strength to carry on and I receive more help and advice from D.T.P. than anywhere else. I’ve only been a member for a few months, but it has helped me enormously. Thank you all.