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Anger

Brickie

New member
Oct 12, 2020
3
I’ve newly acquired the title of ‘carer’ as my husband is recently diagnosed. He occasionally wakes during the night struggling to work out a mathematical calculation relating to items around the bedroom. He’s clearly frustrated as I can’t help him get the answer. He has always been an easily angered man (though never phyisically violent) and although in many ways he is now less difficult, the irrational anger outbursts continue over the most innocuous of issues, eg something I’ve put in the wrong place according (to his agenda). He also talks about things he’s done/experienced which I know aren't true and whilst I accept they are unimportant, I wonder how far his memory will distort so he’s not the same person. I’m sorry if I’m not making sense, even as I write this it sounds trite, but a bit of advice from more experienced members would be so welcome.
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
234
Hi @Brickie i think the disease can sometimes change their behaviour, which I didn’t realise at first. My OH currently gets into bed, and decides he doesn’t like it and can’t sleep, or wakes up about 1230am and is then up and down to the loo every hour. He mutters and swears, and I sometimes just let him get on with it, and sometimes I give him diazepam to calm him down. I am hoping it is a reaction the the Memantine that he has started. Talking about things he has never done is “normal” , once my OH told his son he had been running. He is 81, and wobbly and slow! Keep looking and posting on here, as it is a great place for release and information.
 

Brickie

New member
Oct 12, 2020
3
Hi @Brickie i think the disease can sometimes change their behaviour, which I didn’t realise at first. My OH currently gets into bed, and decides he doesn’t like it and can’t sleep, or wakes up about 1230am and is then up and down to the loo every hour. He mutters and swears, and I sometimes just let him get on with it, and sometimes I give him diazepam to calm him down. I am hoping it is a reaction the the Memantine that he has started. Talking about things he has never done is “normal” , once my OH told his son he had been running. He is 81, and wobbly and slow! Keep looking and posting on here, as it is a great place for release and information.
Thanks, Thethirdmrsc. It’s so good to know there are others who understand out there. x
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
69
Not sure it's any help, but my Mum sometimes does the "mathematical" thing, and gets very annoyed that I can't help find the answer. Sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes during the day. She also recently came back from a trip to Australia (obviously not!) No obvious reason for it, but then this is dementia, so logic has gone out of the window.
Do speak to his GP about sleeping / anti-anxiety medication, it may help. They can be a bit reluctant , but you are the one dealing with this every day, so try not to be fobbed off. If I have learned anything on this road to hell, it is that the "experts" very often aren't, and have less experience than you do, which is why this forum is so good.
Please know you are not alone in this.
 

Brickie

New member
Oct 12, 2020
3
Not sure it's any help, but my Mum sometimes does the "mathematical" thing, and gets very annoyed that I can't help find the answer. Sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes during the day. She also recently came back from a trip to Australia (obviously not!) No obvious reason for it, but then this is dementia, so logic has gone out of the window.
Do speak to his GP about sleeping / anti-anxiety medication, it may help. They can be a bit reluctant , but you are the one dealing with this every day, so try not to be fobbed off. If I have learned anything on this road to hell, it is that the "experts" very often aren't, and have less experience than you do, which is why this forum is so good.
Please know you are not alone in this.
Thank you, Lollyc. I would like him to see the doctor, but we belong to different surgeries and so I can’t easily arrange without his say so. I’ll work on it Though. 😀
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,893
South coast
I would like him to see the doctor, but we belong to different surgeries and so I can’t easily arrange without his say so
Try writing a letter to his GP outlining all your concerns so that the doctor is aware. You may be able to get him to the GP on another pretext - blood pressure monitoring, flu jab, a genuine concern of his, or even a "well man" appointment ;) (which some GPs are willing to arrange)
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,624
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Try writing a letter to his GP outlining all your concerns so that the doctor is aware. You may be able to get him to the GP on another pretext - blood pressure monitoring, flu jab, a genuine concern of his, or even a "well man" appointment ;) (which some GPs are willing to arrange)
This is what I did to initiate the first tests that led to Paulines diagnosis and then POA’s taken out to ease communication and decision making.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
749
I have three bits of advice.
Distraction, distraction and distraction!
It is like playing a Musical instrument, practice makes perfect.
my other tip is to always take the blame, so I would say ‘ I am sorry I can’t remember what I did with it, you know what my memory is like, please give me half an hour and it will come back to me.
best distraction ideas include offers of snacks, spotting rare birds in the garden, remembering to tell essential information ( you have a dentist appointment a week on Tuesday)
If he is getting very agitated then phone the landline from you mobile! ( I am going to look up on the internet how to stop these hang up calls you say, do you want a cup of tea first? ) Remember to dial 141 first so the identities of the calls are hidden.
i would definitely be seeking medication to try for the nights.