Anger at loss of driving licence

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Littlebear, Jul 19, 2019.

  1. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    North West
    Mum was the same. She could drive the car no problem but would get lost. She initially was very angry over loosing her licence and it took a while for her to calm down over it. She hasn't mentioned it since. She blamed her psychiatrist for a few years until she forgot she had one.

    I had parked to pop to the bank one day and left mum in the car. A rather rude traffic warden harrassed mum in the passenger seat, so she got out gave him her wrath walked to the drivers side got in and started the car (I'd left the keys in the ignition). She reversed out and drove round to where she could see me. This was after loosing her licence, I thought maybe I'd got things wrong about her driving, but it was obvious if she couldn't see where I was she wouldn't have coped e.g. driving to find me but not being able to physically see where I was.

    That was the last time mum drove a car:(

    On reflection maybe we should have got mum assessed properly and then the decision would have been more objective, butI think the decision to revoke her licence would still have been made
  2. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    channel islands
    Hi All - just wondered if the UK is different then from the Channel Islands, we have to get a doctors certificate if there is anything wrong with us from diabetes to dementia - if that is not approved you don't get the licence from the Driving Licence Department. Can you just run through how it works in the UK - sorry not related just interested? Luckily my MIL (PWD) gave up driving about 3 months before she was diagnosed on her own accord, before this she hit reverse on her automatic twice instead of forwards and she ended up in a neighbours front window and the last time she went was supposed to hit the brake but ended up righting her car off as she went straight into the wall of her annex. I just said well we can get you a new car but next time it happens their could be a child behind/infront of you or you could be down the pier (where we park for town) and end up in the sea! A few days later - "she decided" that it would be best for her to stop driving!
  3. lilypat

    lilypat Registered User

    Mar 1, 2019
    After reading all the posts on here I can see I am in the same boat (car ) lol as a lot of people , OH had to surrender his licence last November and moaned daily and was always asking about when he could have it back , this past week I have changed the car bought jointly but in my name I am the sole driver and insured person . it has not stopped him having a moan about my driving but he was over heard while we were out with friends saying he was not allowed to drive any more -that's the first time he has admitted it to any one . So I think he has finally got it .
    I truly believe the change of car helped , plus its easier for him to get into , so a win win situation
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    North West
    Yes. Mum now has a new role, the passenger seat driver.....drives me round the twist some days!

    Its tough, but likely the right decision ;)
  5. Sarahdun

    Sarahdun Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    As I wrote above - we went through all this and it was really horrible . We had to make a lot of changes and there was so much anger.

    But one thing i constantly bear in mind is that it is also about the safety of other road users. However tough it is on us as carers and PWD to give up driving I would much rather do that than risk harming/killing someone else.

    Years later my husband is now in a Care home and enjoys passenger rides in a car. I cannot quite believe we have got to this stage though, even now.
  6. RosettaT

    RosettaT Registered User

    Sep 9, 2018
    Mid Lincs
    I bought a wheelchair adapted car the other day and took OH out in it for test drive. He sat there with a huge smile and when I asked what he thought (meaning about the car) he said, I thought you drove very professionally.

    I had to smile and took that as approval. lol. It's the first time he's been in a vehicle since Christmas day, other than an ambulance.
  7. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    South of the Border
    Our answer was rather drastic - but we cope with it.

    I still have a license but sold my car as it had reached the end of its life. OH still had his car which we used. He lost his license because of dementia - so I encouraged him to sell his car and pay off his overdraft - so he did.

    No car, no problem. We live in a remote village, but we cope OK - it helps to get groceries delivered.

    He now thinks that when he wins the lottery, he will have his stoma operation reversed, and get his license back.

    There are more holes in that than enough - none of it is going to happen, so job done!
  8. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    My dad is still going on about getting in his car and driving..”When he can walk”As he is 86 and had a stroke over 2years ago and is in mid stage dementia that is never going to happen.I have said to him “That as you cannot walk without a gutter frame and have no balance it is unlikely “He still goes on but as his license ran out when he had a stroke I never bothered to renew it.
  9. Banjomansmate

    Banjomansmate Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    I was ready to write to DVLA about The Banjoman’s driving ability when he started having problems with his legs and couldn’t drive. Then his car was due for taxing and insuring while he was in hospital and I convinced him that it didn’t make sense to pay out all that money just to have the car sitting outside (it was parked in a public car park so needed tax and insurance) so perhaps it might be better to sell it. A friend knew someone who was interested in it and it was sold in a few days and was gone by the time he came out of hospital.
    There were still plenty of comments about getting another car when his legs were better or how he could have gone places if he still had a car but they gradually tailed off and it only gets mentioned occasionally now.
    When the time came to renew his licence I just completed it to say he wasn’t going to renew it and got him to sign it.
    I breathed a lot happier once I knew he was off the road!
  10. Mudgee Joy

    Mudgee Joy Registered User

    Dec 26, 2017
    New South Wales Australia
    I didn’t really understand the comment !? I have always driven - and it will be another 10 years before I have to do a new test (Australia) . Carers allowance is pretty low here - $60 per week. MJ

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