Anger and toilet problems

[sqeaker]

My husbands Altzheimers has got worse over the last year, we have always been soul mates and have never had a argument all the years we have been together.
But lately he does not seem to see the toilet so i have a bottle for night times but as i awake when he does to go to the loo and i get the bottle he pulls away from me and swears at me, im cleaning the bathroom every day, i went to the garden to hang out a jumper i came back and he had gone on the coffee table.

I realise i am unable to go out and leave him anymore incase he goes somewhere when he swore at me so angry i cried for 2 hours but he never comforted me and its so hard to understand the man he turns into sometimes. I get very tired as i am awake every time he is and during the day as he cant use the bottle on his own but does not mind me doing it.

 

[kindred]

My husbands Altzheimers has got worse over the last year, we have always been soul mates and have never had a argument all the years we have been together.
But lately he does not seem to see the toilet so i have a bottle for night times but as i awake when he does to go to the loo and i get the bottle he pulls away from me and swears at me, im cleaning the bathroom every day, i went to the garden to hang out a jumper i came back and he had gone on the coffee table.

I realise i am unable to go out and leave him anymore incase he goes somewhere when he swore at me so angry i cried for 2 hours but he never comforted me and its so hard to understand the man he turns into sometimes. I get very tired as i am awake every time he is and during the day as he cant use the bottle on his own but does not mind me doing it.

I am so sorry. I have been through this and it's so hard and somehow feels shameful, so don't tell anyone. You have done and are doing such a great job and I know about being soul mates. I went without sleep for nearly three years as I would get up every 90 mins to take Oh to the toilet. Do you have any help or relief? I bought in several hours while I went to work. Please start to look for some kind of relief. All fellow feeling, thank you so much for posting.

 

[karaokePete]

My husbands Altzheimers has got worse over the last year, we have always been soul mates and have never had a argument all the years we have been together.
But lately he does not seem to see the toilet so i have a bottle for night times but as i awake when he does to go to the loo and i get the bottle he pulls away from me and swears at me, im cleaning the bathroom every day, i went to the garden to hang out a jumper i came back and he had gone on the coffee table.

I realise i am unable to go out and leave him anymore incase he goes somewhere when he swore at me so angry i cried for 2 hours but he never comforted me and its so hard to understand the man he turns into sometimes. I get very tired as i am awake every time he is and during the day as he cant use the bottle on his own but does not mind me doing it.

There could be a couple of things going on there and I hope my suggestions help.
The first thing I notice is the difficulty with night toileting. Are you 100% positive that your husband knows who you are at night. Due to the low light and state of drowsiness the only times when my wife(also Alzheimer's) has not know me have been on a couple of occasions at night. This lack of recognition can make the person feel threatened when performing a private act and so they will pull away or get defensive, resulting in confrontation and a mess. It would be worth leaving a light on and, silly as it sounds, introducing yourself as you approach "Here '''''' it's sqeaker, I've got a bottle for you to use", sort of thing.
The other point can be the development of 'agnosia'(loss of perception) and 'apraxia'(loss of co-ordination) so toileting is done in odd places. Again lighting can help, along with living aids, such as coloured toilet seats etc. Maybe it's worth having a look at the relevant section of the AS shop for some ideas - just follow this link https://shop.alzheimers.org.uk/daily-living-aids/Help around the home

Best of luck to the both of you.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @sqeaker
that's a challenging situation for you
another member recently mentioned a light to go into the loo bowl
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/everyones-good-tips.108998/
and other suggestions from the past have been to have a red loo seat so the toilet stands out (most are white and so blend into the general white tiling of most bathrooms) - have night lights along the route to the bathroom from the bed - a big sign on the bathroom door, the kind used for public toilets - arrows on the walls pointing the way - a commode in the bedroom - and maybe separate beds
sorry if none of this is useful at all

 

[sqeaker]

I am so sorry. I have been through this and it's so hard and somehow feels shameful, so don't tell anyone. You have done and are doing such a great job and I know about being soul mates. I went without sleep for nearly three years as I would get up every 90 mins to take Oh to the toilet. Do you have any help or relief? I bought in several hours while I went to work. Please start to look for some kind of relief. All fellow feeling, thank you so much for posting.

Hi Thank you so much i dont have help my husband has a sisiter but she does not seem to want to help, i am so tired abd i dread bedtime as he gets aggressive and swears at me when i try to help him, i just sat adnd cried llast night but he shows no sign of affection when im crying, but the man i knew would have cuddled me and somehow that would make it better, but feel so alone, so sorry to go on. but thank you for posting your reply. i am very grateful.

 

[kindred]

Hi Thank you so much i dont have help my husband has a sisiter but she does not seem to want to help, i am so tired abd i dread bedtime as he gets aggressive and swears at me when i try to help him, i just sat adnd cried llast night but he shows no sign of affection when im crying, but the man i knew would have cuddled me and somehow that would make it better, but feel so alone, so sorry to go on. but thank you for posting your reply. i am very grateful.

I so understand, I so do. Please keep posting, we are here to help you feel less alone. I got so low that at one point I begged my OK for mercy, just to stay in bed so I could at least close my eyes for a few minutes. Look, could we think about how you could get some kind of help? This is really too much. Do you know what the possibilities are or would you like me to suggest some? What is your contact with your GP?

 

[sqeaker]

I so understand, I so do. Please keep posting, we are here to help you feel less alone. I got so low that at one point I begged my OK for mercy, just to stay in bed so I could at least close my eyes for a few minutes. Look, could we think about how you could get some kind of help? This is really too much. Do you know what the possibilities are or would you like me to suggest some? What is your contact with your GP?

I used to have a wonderful GP who saw me every 4 months just really to check i was ok and my hubby, sadley he left the surgery just befoer Christmas and the only doctor i know when i saw him he could not have been more disinterested if he had tried, i did call the comunity nurse where we go on the toilet thing she just said yes it happens all the time just go to a cheap shop and buy lots of cheap toilet mats.
I am going to the carers centre next week to see about the sitting service but the problem is they are sitters and wont want to clean anything up, so whilst i get a break i wont know what i will come home to.

but ill explain that to them ans see what they say, i do appreciate your kindness and help thank you,