Angel Daughter Devil Daughter

[Noorza]

How do others cope with this. I will get calls calling me a word that rhymes with witch, then followed by ones where she seems to have forgotten and calls me love and is friendly.

I put the phone down on the abusive ones and respond to the friendly ones.

When she is in "witch" mode she calls the family some of whom believe her others don't, I get accused of all kinds of evil, those who believe her I have just cut out of my life, if they believe her accusations they don't know me as a person.

How should I respond?

 

[Butter]

My way - I had this with my mother and now have it with my husband - is to try and maintain a kind of resigned stoicism. I don't always manage. I put my head down and get on with what I think are the right things.

My mother died last year and strangely my father and my brother could not cope and I was left to look after her (with my son was was just amazing) in the carehome with the GP etc. I am glad I can look back feeling I did my best - and seeing how ill she was and how much she was suffering.

I am trying to do the same with my husband - but I do hope this does not go on for longer than I can manage.

 

[Noorza]

I find I am able to "forgive" my mum, I don't really forgive her because I don't blame her in the first place, I blame the dementia. I can't find it in my heart to forgive the couple of family members who buy into mum's paranoia. Maybe one day. I hope.

 

[Butter]

Long term - I wouldn't worry about that. I'm afraid I do tend to think less of people for it: I think it reveals either how little they know or how they can/can't cope ... and very long-term it is helping teach us all not to judge ....

Certainly my mother's funeral was a revelation for the people who had crticised me in the past. 'When did you last see your mother?' was the worst - a phone call from a busybody - when my mother had just arrived in our house drunk, half dressed, having wet herself and penniless ....

 

[Noorza]

Long term - I wouldn't worry about that. I'm afraid I do tend to think less of people for it: I think it reveals either how little they know or how they can/can't cope ... and very long-term it is helping teach us all not to judge ....

Certainly my mother's funeral was a revelation for the people who had crticised me in the past. 'When did you last see your mother?' was the worst - a phone call from a busybody - when my mother had just arrived in our house drunk, half dressed, having wet herself and penniless ....

I do think in times of crisis you do find who your real friends are, and who aren't to be trusted. Sad though.