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And then he punched me

lillybo

Registered User
Nov 10, 2011
28
Bedroom carpet

Hello Lilac Blossom
My husband is in the late stage of Alzhiemers and 2 years ago I had the bedroom updated and new carpet put down and I said to our builder that I should have lino but he said you can change the carpet if it gets marked. The new carpet was down 2 years and we have had it all taken up and lino put down in the bedroom and all along the landing to the bathroom. Now he has pullup incontince pants and I have now stated putting a nappy pin on the front and the back attaching the pants to his vest. Letting him calm down when he is aggressive is enough of a challenge without coping with poo and urine. If you can afford lino its worth it and I find the only way to get rid of the smell of poo is bleach Warm regards margaret
I have been caring for hubby since he was diagnosed leukaemia in 1999. First five years or so were not too bad, once we got accustomed to the word "leukaemia". There were regular blood tests by district nurses and hospital checkups at haematology. 2005 brought huge changes - treatment for CLL problems led to physical side effects, one of which was that his bones crumbled - spine became twisted and bent and he lost 6 or 7 inches height. Mobility drastically limited - our lives drastically changed forever! Apart from day care one day a week, he was housebound.

Then along came vascular dementia.

Due to prostate problems he has a catheter which I have to attend to - including dealing with the inevitable mishaps which occur! I attach the night bag at bedtime as he passes quite a lot overnight. This morning he was shouting for me to take him to toilet and as I was removing the night bag to get him out of bed to toilet, he continued shouting at me and kicking out - caught me off balance and night bag knocked against something which broke the "outlet valve" at bottom of bag so all the urine (2 litres) escaped on bedroom carpet. What to do first? Well I got him to bathroom - by this time I was shouting! Not sure if bedroom carpet can still remain - I have washed and disinfected it - what a nightmare. Lots of cleaning up (poo) had to be done in the bathroom too of course.

Afterwards I felt bad about shouting at him so decided to explain what had been happening in the hope that he just might understand a wee bit - he just kept looking at me - and then he punched me in the face!
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Oh dear lilac blossom your must get some help with your husband, you need some support, if you get ill then you won't be able to look after your husband, sending you a great big (((HUG))) ♡♡♡
 

mavis123

Registered User
Dec 2, 2014
9
Dear lilac I simply don't how you are managing to cope you really now have to try and take care of yourself.The practice nurse happened to ring me one morning when I was in the middle of coping with my husband she heard the weariness in my voice and made me promise to get carers in .Even the few minutes that they were with us made a huge difference just someone coming in really gave us a lift.I do urge you to contact them and get another assessment violence can be treated too.sending a hug.
 

dumpygirl

Registered User
Nov 20, 2013
115
derbyshire
I agree that you should get carers in on a regular basis to help with your husband's personal needs. I fought against it for two years and now wish I had done it sooner because they not only helped in a physical way but are specially trained and I found them to be very uplifting and really looked forward to them coming. Nothing seemed to phase them. You will no longer feel so alone if you do this as they will be sharing the burden with very experienced carers and if like myself you do this you will become friends with them and love talking to them each time they come. I really feel for you. I hope very soon things will improve for you and that your husband will receive the help he needs whatever that is. Take care.
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
564
Scotland
Hello folks - once again, many thanks for your kind messages.
We have had a care worker in the morning for about six months for hubby's personal care but they do not have time for conversation so, whilst I appreciate the practical help - they get hubby washed & dressed in the morning - they are always pushed for time. Their phones are computerised and keep beeping - first beep indicates "you should be almost finished", second beep indicates "you should have finished" and third beep (much louder and really annoying) indicates that they should already have left. They all complain about the system and feel hassled, many have left so there is little continuity - very confusing for the mannie with dementia.

I know that in the past careworkers were more involved generally and would have stopped for a chat or you could ask their advice about care matters, but all that has changed.

I have booked an appointment to see GP to discuss hubby, etc. - 3rd March.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,316
69
Dundee
Hi Lilac Blossom.

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time. I remember how difficult it was when we used agency carers. We now use Direct Payments and the difference is immense. I'm. It sure where you are based so don't know if this would be possible. I have the support of the Dundee Carer Centre to help me manage the employment side of things and our Care Manager oversees how many hours we are allowed. I employ the two girls directly from the budget and they have been able to build up a relationship with my husband.