And so it goes on...

Grahamstown

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Jan 12, 2018
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Hmmm....... there are a few Viking Stars, but I think its probably this one - which is actually called My Viking Star.
The other possible contender is a Norwegian ship, but this one seems more likely. If its wrong, please tell me.
https://www.vesselfinder.com/?mmsi=235069967
It’s such a good website and I like it too, and it is the Norwegian Viking Star. I look up the other ships you see in passing and it’s amazing where they are coming from, ports they have called at and their destination, as well as sometimes the cargo, all these thousands of ships. We traveled Viking last year and it includes many things that are charged on other lines, so it all evens out by the end. It’s very classy in a Scandinavian way so very soothing and relaxing, just what I need. I miss ‘the him who was’ so much especially as the man he is now is so damaged by this disease but I must admit I am feeling a relief in my head from the constant care and attention I have to give. I suppose I am reaping the reward from having taken a chance a year ago and also carrying out the respite exercise.
 

Grahamstown

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Jan 12, 2018
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I take it you mean this one?
https://www.vesselfinder.com/?imo=9650418
It sounds lovely. When do you embark?

I know what you mean about missing "him who was". Its a constant sadness, but Im glad you are having the opportunity to relax and recharge your batteries
Yes that’s the one, and they are lovely ships. I fly tomorrow morning and have printed my boarding pass which was bittersweet. For anyone else contemplating this, don’t underestimate the sheer pain of carrying out this plan but it is for my mental health which I feel fortunate to be able to attend to, but my goodness it’s painful. It is a packed itinerary which Viking concentrate on, and will keep me busy, which would be impossible for him to fulfill. WiFi is free with Viking so I shall try and post on a different thread.
 

canary

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Feb 25, 2014
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I havent yet gone on holiday by myself, but OH had some respite recently, so it might happen sometime. Ive never done cruising and would be definitely nervous about going by myself.
 

Grahamstown

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I had a couple of days home between getting back and bringing him home in order to see my brother and his wife from Adelaide, Australia. I didn’t contact him or go to see him because I thought that might unsettle him as per other peoples experience. Our daughter took them to see him and he was very bright with them, me having given them tips on what to say and what not to say (thank you everyone on TP). He was waiting for me resting on his bed having packed his suitcase and WHAT a mess. Everything stuffed in higglety pigglety which I had to repack, starting to feel irritable but managed to calm myself. He had fished his dirty clothes out of the washing net and stuffed them in with the clean ones so I had to do a sniff test for the things that were not obviously dirty. Apparently he had been constantly packing up and the staff unpacking for several days. He showed his sundowning every evening the same as at home and altogether had exactly the same habits. They did get him moving and he socialised a bit. We had lunch together with the other residents and believe me I had to chat for a bit to determine if one lady was a resident or visitor but after a while she gave herself away, such a lovely lady who had clearly loved her garden. After lunch we had coffee in the sitting room and then he said he was going for a lie down on his bed and would see me again. I think he thought he was staying! So he must have been settled. The transition home has been very smooth so I would judge our experience of respite as a success. I had to really steel myself and keep pushing on to do this and it isn’t easy but vital for carers if it can be done. Your encouragement kept me going all you kind folks. I just hope this respite effect lasts a bit now. Back to the grind of the dementia world.
 

Grahamstown

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Today was haircut shave and shower day with a change of clothes. What a circus! I took him to the barber who did the cut and shave, then at home I really had to work hard to get him into the shower and help him with it all and drying etc. His skin is like paper and I oiled it with some lovely body oil but by the end he collapsed into bed in his dressing gown and simply wouldn’t get dressed. So he has stayed in bed for the rest of the day and I feel a bit tired too. Reading other accounts I think I am doing well to get him clean at all but I dread it and he won’t be doing it again for a while. He is still compliant so at least it’s not complete resistance but this is a step down.

I am watching the Panorama report on Somerset Social Services problems and the daughter caring for her Mother with Alzheimer’s was a reflection of my day getting my husband’s personal care attended to. What a shocking inditement of the state of affairs in this country the whole program is!
 
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AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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First time ever I was told it was a bother to shave! I suggested a beard but that did not go down well!
 

Grahamstown

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Anyone else have a partner who obsessively checks their watch? By this I mean looking down at the watch on and off all the time and fretting if it is forgotten in the bedroom. In the evenings it reaches epidemic proportions.
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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Mine checks diary, reminded me we must buy another as he needs it in good time. When it was mislaid ..........!
The TV magazine is studied a lot but the the facts are not retained if asked what's on. I think it is just the way it.
I should get on, four hours respite and I am feeling like a zombie with no concentration. What a waste!
My fault I watched a video about Carers and burst into tears! It spoke of getting family to support just by organising and taking out for a day. I have had organisation overload!
 

Grahamstown

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It spoke of getting family to support just by organising and taking out for a day. I have had organisation overload!
I know what you mean because I would very much like to go to a summer event that we have been invited to in the middle of June. I could take him but he wouldn’t last more than half an hour before he wanted to come home to lie down. So I am faced with trying to organise something and not sure I can make the effort. All of my effort bank has been used up organising the respite and traveling earlier this month.
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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I empathise, after a week on planning to visit a carehome about respite, getting too many factors lined up, my organising bank has gone bust. My phone has died in sympathy, a wasted morning! The car is due soon so must put my good face on! I had planned so much! Xxx
 

Duggies-girl

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Sep 6, 2017
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Anyone else have a partner who obsessively checks their watch? By this I mean looking down at the watch on and off all the time and fretting if it is forgotten in the bedroom. In the evenings it reaches epidemic proportions.

Dad combs his hair every 5 minutes or possibly more in between picking at his scalp. We have a number of combs but they all end up together at some point and then I have to go and spread them around the house again so that dad has a comb in every room. Drives me nuts.
 

Grahamstown

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Jan 12, 2018
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And toothpicks as well, we have had a toothpick hunt at practically every place we go, even though I try to make sure there is one in his pocket. Then I find them everywhere, the washing machine being the most worrying in case it blocks the outlet.

Our son came for lunch unexpectedly today and I asked him about the summer event and he can come so that’s a nice surprise. He says I look a lot better. I agree and the respite effect is still working and I feel I can cope although that doesn’t prevent frustration when he won’t do things he needs to do.
 

Agzy

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Nov 16, 2016
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Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Today he thought his son was called Chris, who is our grandson, and couldn’t remember the name of his son. He thought ‘Chris’ had come to see us this morning when in fact our son and grandson came to supper last night. This is the start of something new, forgetting close family names, and he is very confused and tired. Every day now he goes upstairs after breakfast and lies down on his bed for an hour or two. After lunch he is back on his bed for another hour or two and by 8.30pm he is agitating to go to bed because he is so tired. This lying down a lot is also something new because even a month ago he was more active. It is heartbreaking to see him looking so confused as if he is trying to make sense of his thoughts. I first found this website and started using it in January and I can see that it is only that fact that is enabling me to face these changes. He can’t remember which pills he takes when now and every night thinks he has to take the wrong ones and not the right ones. This has developed over the past few weeks. His physical ability has declined markedly and he constantly has to go and sit down after a small amount of activity. The steep decline over 6-7 months is now clear and I fear for the next few months.
@Grahamstown, I so feel for you and fear for me as, reading this as I believe, Pauline has started evidencing some of increased symptoms you mention. but such a sudden decline must be so hard to deal and live with. You have my sympathy.
 

Grahamstown

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Two days ago he had what was a normal day by our standards. Got up at a reasonable time and had three meals and a walk. Around that one day he has spent most of the time in bed although getting up and down from time to time. An ominous development over yesterday and now today is that he doesn’t want to get up at all. The physical effort is almost beyond him and I have to help him get from lying down to sitting up. I did manage to get him to drink a glass of water but that’s all. He admits to being exhausted trying to get up and it’s now the only place where he is contented, unlike even a few weeks ago when he was happy to sit with me. My dilemma now is how much to push him because this amounts to starving himself to death. He gets quite distressed by too much pushing him to be active in a most minor way. My instinct is to let him be but I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. I am more and more in the position of having to give him terminal care but he is not really at that stage, so it’s very difficult and painful.
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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Only just come on. Three days does not seem very long for a change of behaviour to establish, do you think he is just exhausted by the various adjustments he has made in the last few weeks? Perhaps a word with the surgery, you can not get him up so ask for a home visit. Say that he is not taking in food of water.
See what they say. We are out on a limb aren't we. My instinct would be the same as yours but lack of fluid brings its own problems. Keep in touch. Xxx
 

canary

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Feb 25, 2014
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Such a sudden change. Its not an infection is it?
My OH has just got over his first UTI and apart from cloudy urine (only noticed because I catheterise him) and increased fatigue/confusion there were no other symptoms. Take a specimen down to the surgery and get them to check it.
 

Mudgee Joy

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Dec 26, 2017
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Hi @Grahamstown - do check for the infection! I has a prescription for antibiotics “in case “ and used it when he was very low - made a difference.
My OH just regurgitates most food and water - we are on waiting list now for small op. But the nurse said he needs to urinate 3 times a day as a minimum !! Maybe you can count.
I’ve had lots of failures lately for home respite due to flue and colds - but once a week my OH is in day care at a care home and it’s the best thing - really recommend it