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And so it begins.....

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Kikki21, Mar 19, 2019.

  1. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    5,738
    Female
    Kent
    You are in our thoughts x
     
  2. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    My mum was sleeping peacefully but then awoke to horrendous coughing which was clearly hurting her. I was thinking that any minute, she will just peg out.
    She wanted me to hold her hand, bless her & then she told me she was scared.
    Am completely broken by this. I asked the nurse for more pain relief & morphine should help but they have to mix the meds & this takes time.

    Then as my mum was so scared, I asked if we could call the Polish priest in again & he is coming shortly. She wanted him to come too.
     
  3. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you - I have to say those last few minutes that she was distressed then I just said to myself surely if there is a God that he should just be merciful x
     
  4. Moose1966

    Moose1966 Registered User

    Feb 10, 2017
    91
    Female
    Staffordshire
    (((((((((((❤️))))))))))
     
  5. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,029
    Female
    Chester
    Thinking of you xx
     
  6. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you xx
    Things have settled down now she has had the extra morphine. I don’t want to go through that again. Single most horrendous moment of my life ever.
    I just want my mum to be calm & not to be scared.
    She is asleep now. Thankfully. My fiancé is on his way back & I have a cup of tea on order. Shame they don’t have any vodka! Xx
     
  7. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    My mum is clearly agitated. In between bouts of sleeping, she is woken up by coughing & really struggling, grimacing, groaning. It is so unsettling & also not very good for other patients & visitors to see.
    I don’t know what is causing this. Likely it is her chest but she is grabbing at her bedclothes & nightdress. It is just horrendous. I daren’t go home for a break until she is more settled & I definitely need a break after all of this today.

    In need of alcohol & chocolate xx
     
  8. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    It’s not nice seeing them scared or in distress especially when we can’t do much if anything to ease it. I hope she settles soon and is more peaceful.

    The alcohol might have to wait but I would add chocolate to your next tea order.
     
  9. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    My mum had been sleeping but awoke coughing just on cue for the nurse to see it & see what we meant. They decided to change her position in bed to see if it would help so she got a bit more settled so I told her that we needed to go back home & eat some food which is true but I also need a time out break because witnessing my mum like that today has been really awful & not done my anxiety levels much good.
     
  10. CaringDaughter

    CaringDaughter Registered User

    Sep 22, 2013
    47
    You poor lass - big hug. Try to stay strong for as long as she needs you, and remember there are people out here thinking of you x
     
  11. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you. I’m trying to stay strong for her. I’m taking quite a lot of Rescue Remedy which does help. I am now at home but I feel very anxious about my mum & I can’t relax properly even though that is what I have come home to do. We will go back after we have had some dinner. My fiancé is cooking something. My head is shot to pieces & I can’t really concentrate on anything. X
     
  12. Whitey2000

    Whitey2000 Registered User

    Oct 19, 2018
    37
    Totally understand, have been through the same. Although losing mom is awful, I know she is at rest now or possibly nagging dad. Hope your mom is at peace soon xx
     
  13. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you @Whitey2000 i’m so sorry about your mum as I said on your thread. I just don’t understand why my mum is fighting so hard. I thought the syringe driver would help her drift into unconsciousness but it hasn’t as yet. I have no experience of this & I would never want to repeat it xx
     
  14. Whitey2000

    Whitey2000 Registered User

    Oct 19, 2018
    37
    That's exactly what we were saying 2 days ago, she was fighting so hard, and before we visited last night it was the same according to the staff on the ward, and a few hours later she was gone. Nurse said that happens close to the end sometimes. Like you, I had no experience of it either. Wishing you and your mom peace x
     
  15. Karen22

    Karen22 Registered User

    Nov 3, 2012
    63
    Thinking of you at this very difficult time.
    Karen x
     
  16. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    I know it is the right thing for my mum. I know that if she survived this fight then it would be the same situation again in a few days/weeks/months time but I still think oh god should she have had one more day on the antibiotics, would that one extra day made all the difference but inside I know that it wouldn’t.
    She had been on antibiotics since she was admitted to hospital & they had made no difference to her plus they probably didn’t help her awful sickness. At least the syringe driver has helped that. If only the meds can sort this horrible coughing & what comes with it. I’m about to go to the hospital for a couple of hours again x
     
  17. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thank you - I hope my mum is more settled when I go in again. At least I can visit at any time now & it is calmer at night x
     
  18. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    Thankfully my mum is more settled now although we have had some coughing bouts but she has some moments of agitation & then settles down again. I do think that something is going on internally as regards these incidents. She has now asked for more pain relief.
    Noticed that she has a bit more purple mottling in her fingers on her right hand. Xx
     
  19. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,954
    Female
    East Midlands
    I’m home again now as I have to admit today’s events have left me shattered & I have to rest as well. We left my mum peaceful after an extra shot of morphine & my favourite staff nurse, Chloe is on duty tonight. I’m happy to leave my mum in her care. She knows her well now & she said that if I’m awake worrying about my mum to give her a call for an update. She really is an angel. I don’t know how these nurses do it x
     
  20. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,880
    Female
    South coast
    I hope you sleep well
    xx
     
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