And so it begins.....

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Kikki21

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Feb 27, 2016
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East Midlands
I honestly have this horrible feeling in my stomach & I am so tense because I literally think the mobile is going to go off in my hand as I type & that the hospital will tell me that she has passed or to come quickly. We are going in shortly anyway. Just got to get a few food bits in.
Thank you so much for all the comments, the hugs, the thoughts & the prayers xx
 

YorkshireLass

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Feb 15, 2017
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Ilkley
@Kikki21 take care sweetheart. You are doing everything possible and try not to be scared as long as your mum is calm and sleepy she is in the best place she can be. You are there for her as you always have been and she knows that in her heart xxxx
 

Kikki21

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Feb 27, 2016
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East Midlands
@Kikki21 take care sweetheart. You are doing everything possible and try not to be scared as long as your mum is calm and sleepy she is in the best place she can be. You are there for her as you always have been and she knows that in her heart xxxx

I hope so I really do @YorkshireLass my anxiety levels are running pretty high tonight & I am scared. I’m scared for my mum & for me.
I think it has bothered me that my mum didn’t seem to be that settled today & that she could be in pain or what have you.
It’s now you think that I should have visited her more in the care home or tried to do more for her somehow or tried to just do more xxxx
 

YorkshireLass

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Feb 15, 2017
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Ilkley
I hope so I really do @YorkshireLass my anxiety levels are running pretty high tonight & I am scared. I’m scared for my mum & for me.
I think it has bothered me that my mum didn’t seem to be that settled today & that she could be in pain or what have you.
It’s now you think that I should have visited her more in the care home or tried to do more for her somehow or tried to just do more xxxx
There's always a lot of soul searching that's for sure no matter how much we have managed to do in the past. We do our best in these parallel worlds, our lives and our mum's. You are there for her now and you are watching over her, being her voice, sorting things out, making sure she is as comfortable as she can be. Natter the nursing staff for more medication if you think she is in pain or something isn't right. I'm sure they will listen xxxxx
 

Kikki21

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Feb 27, 2016
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East Midlands
There's always a lot of soul searching that's for sure no matter how much we have managed to do in the past. We do our best in these parallel worlds, our lives and our mum's. You are there for her now and you are watching over her, being her voice, sorting things out, making sure she is as comfortable as she can be. Natter the nursing staff for more medication if you think she is in pain or something isn't right. I'm sure they will listen xxxxx

Oh yes the nursing staff have been great. We have been here later than we usually are on both visits today. My mum was unsettled tonight so I got her some more morphine which she had not had a top up of since 3pm so it was maybe a bit overdue.
That has done the trick & she is sleeping peacefully now. She’s only little so they have to be careful of the dose they give her. Her pallour looks better now too xxxxx
 

Kikki21

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Feb 27, 2016
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We have now come home as we haven’t had our dinner as yet so we are flagging.
My mum was kind of making strange suckling actions with her mouth like she has reverted to being a baby. I don’t know if she is that parched but the staff nurse was going to get some thickened liquid to help go down her throat better. Just do awful to see her like this. She looks absolutely tired out xxx
 

Moose1966

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Feb 10, 2017
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Staffordshire
We have now come home as we haven’t had our dinner as yet so we are flagging.
My mum was kind of making strange suckling actions with her mouth like she has reverted to being a baby. I don’t know if she is that parched but the staff nurse was going to get some thickened liquid to help go down her throat better. Just do awful to see her like this. She looks absolutely tired out xxx
You are really having a tough time , so sad that this stage is such a rollercoaster. I know you won’t sleep well but try to find some peace in your mind . This is a testing time for you but I’m sure you will see your way through and be strong for your mum ❤️
 

Rolypoly

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Jan 15, 2018
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Living on tenterhooks is exhausting, try and get some catnaps when you can to make up for the general lack of sleep. It sounds like your fiancé is being very supportive. Hope all three of you have an easier night.
 

Kikki21

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Feb 27, 2016
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East Midlands
You are really having a tough time , so sad that this stage is such a rollercoaster. I know you won’t sleep well but try to find some peace in your mind . This is a testing time for you but I’m sure you will see your way through and be strong for your mum ❤️

It’s like complete torture for all concerned. If it isn’t enough that the person you knew has disappeared & changed then they are put through this last stage...... where they are bedridden, not eating or drinking ( or not much) they look so tired & yet still they linger on. I just hope my mum is that much out of it that she doesn’t know how ill she is & has no pain xxx
 

Kikki21

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Feb 27, 2016
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East Midlands
Living on tenterhooks is exhausting, try and get some catnaps when you can to make up for the general lack of sleep. It sounds like your fiancé is being very supportive. Hope all three of you have an easier night.

The routine has become get up, get ready & go to the hospital so no cat napping time in the morning & then we come back late afternoon ish have a bit of time at home, feed the cats & then go back to the hospital for a few more hours & we eat when we come back.

I watch a bit of tv but I can’t concentrate & I need some alone time so i’m now sitting on the bed upstairs with one of the cats. I can’t really switch off & my head still hurts from earlier. I feel pretty irritable with it but guess it is also because I feel tired.
My fiancé has been amazing since my mum was put on end of life meds. He doesn’t quite understand the process though. My mum was settled when we left.
 

Moose1966

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Feb 10, 2017
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Staffordshire
I have had some sleep, not loads but i’m ok xxx
Glad she had an okay night and is settled , I’m with mum now palliative care nurse just been , GP coming this afternoon to see about stopping meds as struggling to swallow them . Another meeting on Monday as CH say it may be necessary to move to NH depends on GP today may choose syringe driver for pain relief . Oh gosh what a time we are having , I count my blessings that this forum exists , it is a lifeline xx
 

Kikki21

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Feb 27, 2016
2,270
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East Midlands
Glad she had an okay night and is settled , I’m with mum now palliative care nurse just been , GP coming this afternoon to see about stopping meds as struggling to swallow them . Another meeting on Monday as CH say it may be necessary to move to NH depends on GP today may choose syringe driver for pain relief . Oh gosh what a time we are having , I count my blessings that this forum exists , it is a lifeline xx

Bless you. Me personally I wouldn’t want my mum to be moved anywhere at the moment as the act of doing so could bring about the end far quicker. I think my mum is struggling to swallow now. Her face appears to be puffy which I have read is normal. She is struggling to speak. Just having a cuppa & then we will go in xx
 

Kikki21

Registered User
Feb 27, 2016
2,270
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East Midlands
My mum seems better today than she did yesterday. I came in to find that she was still trying to have a bit of lunch ( mushed up) plus strawberry mousse which she seemed to enjoy. Her mini rally must have really tired her out yesterday though.
She gave me a few smiles & tried to talk a bit too. She is sleeping now & is peaceful.
The woman’s daughter to the right of my mum has just come in. I’m sat on the other side of my mum so I am a bit removed from her talking incessantly ( and loudly - sorry, maybe I need to have my ears syringed!)
 
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