And now it's our turn....
- Thread starter Pickles53
- Start date
The registration is done, helped through it by a very kind registrar who explained everything so calmly. I guess they get a lot of practice, but I was still grateful. The most important piece of the puzzle is in place too, the retired minister who mum wanted to conduct the funeral service can do it on the day we want. That's such a relief. Had a long talk with sister yesterday so now feel I can face the funeral director.
Very insightful comment that other people feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say/do; if I'm honest I've probably felt that way myself. I don't want people I meet not to mention mum, but it does help iif they also talk about the usual, ordinary everyday things.
Last edited:
I'm glad you had a good registrar - I did too. The perfect mix of sympathy, practical help and advice.
I know exactly what you mean about the ordinary things. Ordinary and mundane are good sometimes ...
And if folks just said 'I don't know what to say' that would be fine, because like you, I've felt that way too!
Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Talking Point mobile app
My head is whirling with all the decisions but most of the service is now in place. Sent a long email to brother and sister yesterday and have asked sister to sort out what is left to do, flowers, music, catering after the service. (She's really good but never actually volunteers spontaneously.) It all felt a bit cold writing the email, but mum was a great and efficient organiser and I don't want to let her down. Also I know how upset I would be if anything goes wrong.
Now I feel I can focus on the really hard bit.....writing something about mum. None of us feel we want to speak, but our lovely minister will read it on our behalf. None of us are very demonstrative, we know we love each other but don't say it often. I have been looking at poems too. Most of them seem too 'gushy' or flowery, not like us at all, but I did find this one and mum did like Joyce Grenfell's monologues, especially the 'nursery school' ones.
If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.
Joyce Grenfell
Now I feel I can focus on the really hard bit.....writing something about mum. None of us feel we want to speak, but our lovely minister will read it on our behalf. None of us are very demonstrative, we know we love each other but don't say it often. I have been looking at poems too. Most of them seem too 'gushy' or flowery, not like us at all, but I did find this one and mum did like Joyce Grenfell's monologues, especially the 'nursery school' ones.
If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.
Joyce Grenfell
Hi Pickles 
That's a great poem by Joyce Grenfell, feels just right. I'm glad you're making progress and can now concentrate on writing something about your mum. After my dad died, I found doing this both difficult and comforting, in a funny sort of way. Thinking about his life sort of got me back in contact with him, to an extent
I'm sure you will do your mum proud.
Thinking of you and sending (((hugs)))
Lindy xx
That's a great poem by Joyce Grenfell, feels just right. I'm glad you're making progress and can now concentrate on writing something about your mum. After my dad died, I found doing this both difficult and comforting, in a funny sort of way. Thinking about his life sort of got me back in contact with him, to an extent
I'm sure you will do your mum proud.
Thinking of you and sending (((hugs)))
Lindy xx
What a long strange week it has been. All the preparations for mum's service were done by Monday and since then I have been both dreading Friday and wishing it would come sooner. Couldn't sleep last night much at all. Now OH and I are sitting in mum's house waiting for other folk to get here from various distant parts of the country. This is even stranger than when we drove over to check the house after she had moved to the care home.
It's a grey day, very misty and drizzly and I find myself hoping that it doesn't rain tomorrow and then scolding myself for worrying about trivia. Thinking too about Helen and Tom and everyone else who has faced this awful moment in the last few weeks.
It's a grey day, very misty and drizzly and I find myself hoping that it doesn't rain tomorrow and then scolding myself for worrying about trivia. Thinking too about Helen and Tom and everyone else who has faced this awful moment in the last few weeks.
This is for you mum, and for all TPers who have lost their loved ones. I will try to be strong today.
Away
I cannot say and I will not say
That she is dead, she is just away.
With a cheery smile and a wave of hand
She has wandered into an unknown land;
And left us dreaming how very fair
Its needs must be, since she lingers there.
And you-oh you, who the wildest yearn
From the old-time step and the glad return-
Think of her faring on, as dear
In the love of there, as the love of here
Think of her still the same way, I say;
She is not dead, she is just away.
James Whitcomb Riley, American poet (1849 - 1916)
Away
I cannot say and I will not say
That she is dead, she is just away.
With a cheery smile and a wave of hand
She has wandered into an unknown land;
And left us dreaming how very fair
Its needs must be, since she lingers there.
And you-oh you, who the wildest yearn
From the old-time step and the glad return-
Think of her faring on, as dear
In the love of there, as the love of here
Think of her still the same way, I say;
She is not dead, she is just away.
James Whitcomb Riley, American poet (1849 - 1916)
Just a few steps ahead, Pickles. Just ahead and out of sight, but very much still with you all. I wish you peace in your hearts and acceptance of how things have to be, today and always. X Love Shelagh
Thank you Shelagh and 2Jays. I know from reading your other posts over the last few months that you have worries that I never had to face, so it's so generous of you to comfort others as well.
Mum had chosen the hymns for her service; she never told me but a few months ago I found a note she had written out among her paperwork while looking for something else and kept it safe, though I never imagined losing her so soon. She had chosen two hymns I knew and loved as a child: Thine Be The Glory, and The Day Thou Gavest Lord Is Ended. Perfect choices with their message of hope and resurrection, even for a no longer religious type like me.
My sister and I spent ages listening to all mum's favourite musicals and shows trying to find suitable music. Eventually we settled on 'The Sun Whose Rays Are All Ablaze'From The Mikado. I hope it's allowed to mention that the version we chose was by a group called Festive Flutes. Even if you're not a G&S fan, it's just a beautiful melody, you can find it on i-you-know-what. Our other choice was 'Where Is Love?' from'Oliver!'which is all about a mother's love.
The church was much fuller than I expected, so many of Mum's friends are elderly and frail themselves, but it made me proud to see how many people had come to say goodbye and celebrate. Best of all, the minister spoke so movingly about mum and you could tell it was the words of someone who really knew her well. He read our tribute beautifully too.
Our family is so scattered, we couldn't help thinking how much mum would loved seeing us all together and we have promised ourselves we will get together on a happier occasion soon.
'To live in the hearts of those we love, is not to die.'
Mum had chosen the hymns for her service; she never told me but a few months ago I found a note she had written out among her paperwork while looking for something else and kept it safe, though I never imagined losing her so soon. She had chosen two hymns I knew and loved as a child: Thine Be The Glory, and The Day Thou Gavest Lord Is Ended. Perfect choices with their message of hope and resurrection, even for a no longer religious type like me.
My sister and I spent ages listening to all mum's favourite musicals and shows trying to find suitable music. Eventually we settled on 'The Sun Whose Rays Are All Ablaze'From The Mikado. I hope it's allowed to mention that the version we chose was by a group called Festive Flutes. Even if you're not a G&S fan, it's just a beautiful melody, you can find it on i-you-know-what. Our other choice was 'Where Is Love?' from'Oliver!'which is all about a mother's love.
The church was much fuller than I expected, so many of Mum's friends are elderly and frail themselves, but it made me proud to see how many people had come to say goodbye and celebrate. Best of all, the minister spoke so movingly about mum and you could tell it was the words of someone who really knew her well. He read our tribute beautifully too.
Our family is so scattered, we couldn't help thinking how much mum would loved seeing us all together and we have promised ourselves we will get together on a happier occasion soon.
'To live in the hearts of those we love, is not to die.'
Sounds perfect. I'm sure your mum would be so proud of you xxxxx
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
We had planned a few days away this week a long time ago and decided to go ahead. I thought it was a good idea to take a break and do something different. So why am I sitting in my hotel room looking at TP? I think it's because I feel a connection to mum who has been part of the TP family like the loved ones of all those who post here and in a way she still is.
I have never previously thought that it was possible for a community to exist online, but you folks have proved me wrong in just a few short months.
I have never previously thought that it was possible for a community to exist online, but you folks have proved me wrong in just a few short months.
Sooo what's the hotel room like? Do you have a view and what is it? What are you planning on doing today?
Most important question - what's the food like?
You are on TP because you know we need to know these things, and you share things like this with friends
Hugs xxxxxx
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Most important question - what's the food like?
You are on TP because you know we need to know these things, and you share things like this with friends
Hugs xxxxxx
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Hmm....
The hotel is quite 'arty' in design, with odd little quirks like carefully placed graffiti on the white walls: noughts & crosses games, ants crawling along a skirting board, clothes hanging from hooks. Bed very comfortable though, that's always the main thing, and a lovely breakfast spread. We're in Maastricht which gives up the opportunity to visit Christmas markets in 3 countries on one trip, and all by train which OH loves.
Charming old towns, Christmas lights, lots of gluhwein, Belgian waffles with cherries and cream, and the most remarkable cathedral I've seen in Aachen yesterday are the highlights so far. It's cold though, glad we brought the boots and gloves.
Off to Liege today, think chocolate!
The hotel is quite 'arty' in design, with odd little quirks like carefully placed graffiti on the white walls: noughts & crosses games, ants crawling along a skirting board, clothes hanging from hooks. Bed very comfortable though, that's always the main thing, and a lovely breakfast spread. We're in Maastricht which gives up the opportunity to visit Christmas markets in 3 countries on one trip, and all by train which OH loves.
Charming old towns, Christmas lights, lots of gluhwein, Belgian waffles with cherries and cream, and the most remarkable cathedral I've seen in Aachen yesterday are the highlights so far. It's cold though, glad we brought the boots and gloves.
Off to Liege today, think chocolate!
Ooooh chocolate . I shall be thinking chocolate all day now
Sounds..... Interesting.....your hotel
Sounds like the basics are good... Comfy bed and good food. Not sure what I would make of the ants along the skirting board....
Enjoy your break even if it is cold... Mind you all the more reason to find something to help keep you warm like a small Glühwein or if you are feeling adventurous an Eierpunsch mit Rotwein
I had to google warm stuff in Germany so no idea what they taste like
Chins up honey xx
Edited: ok so you're not in Germany.... What are the warming drinks where you are?
My geography is dreadful
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
. I shall be thinking chocolate all day now Sounds..... Interesting.....your hotel
Sounds like the basics are good... Comfy bed and good food. Not sure what I would make of the ants along the skirting board....
Enjoy your break even if it is cold... Mind you all the more reason to find something to help keep you warm like a small Glühwein or if you are feeling adventurous an Eierpunsch mit Rotwein
I had to google warm stuff in Germany so no idea what they taste like
Chins up honey xx
Edited: ok so you're not in Germany.... What are the warming drinks where you are?
My geography is dreadful
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Last edited:
Just to clarify....the ants were only part of the artwork on the walls not real, I kind of warmed to them after a while. Another unusual touch....from mid-morning there was a huge casserole of soup simmering on a hob by reception so you could help yourself when you came in; that was very welcome on a chilly day. Also tea and coffee and snacks in the lounge area all day.
We were staying in Maastricht in the Netherlands which turned out to be a charming small city with lots of interesting historical buildings, a bit like Winchester or Canterbury, but also a good base as you could easily get by train to both Aachen (Germany) and Liege (Belgium) so 3 countries in as many days. Certainly made me appreciate the advantages of the euro and why excessive mobile phone roaming charges are are an issue; lots of people go back and forth every day for work etc.
On the more important topic of chocolate, Liege was a bit of a letdown compared to Bruges where we had been a few years ago but had some other good shops and cute Christmas market stalls. Gluhwein on offer everywhere and is always what I go for, mulled wine taste with cinnamon; OH prefers a milky style drink which could be the Eierpunsch you mention (like eggnog) also with alcohol added. All highly recommended.
Back home now after slight technical hitch on return rail journey involving a rail replacement bus which added more than an hour to planned journey time and meant we were only just in time for the overnight ferry back to Harwich. If you like travelling by boat, this is the nicest ferry we've found with overnight cabins,complete with proper bathroom and free minibar drinks. OH now fired with enthusiasm for more complicated trips and is talking about the overnight sleeper from Amsterdam to Warsaw next time....but not in the winter!!
Feel a bit more ready now to face the solicitor on Monday and once that is over will write to all mum's friends who came to the funeral as we weren't able to speak to them all on the day. It's going to be a very different Christmas this year, but mum will be with us in spirit. She was always the Christmas baker, so I will definitely find the time to make my own mince pies at least.
We were staying in Maastricht in the Netherlands which turned out to be a charming small city with lots of interesting historical buildings, a bit like Winchester or Canterbury, but also a good base as you could easily get by train to both Aachen (Germany) and Liege (Belgium) so 3 countries in as many days. Certainly made me appreciate the advantages of the euro and why excessive mobile phone roaming charges are are an issue; lots of people go back and forth every day for work etc.
On the more important topic of chocolate, Liege was a bit of a letdown compared to Bruges where we had been a few years ago
but had some other good shops and cute Christmas market stalls. Gluhwein on offer everywhere and is always what I go for, mulled wine taste with cinnamon; OH prefers a milky style drink which could be the Eierpunsch you mention (like eggnog) also with alcohol added. All highly recommended. Back home now after slight technical hitch on return rail journey involving a rail replacement bus which added more than an hour to planned journey time and meant we were only just in time for the overnight ferry back to Harwich. If you like travelling by boat, this is the nicest ferry we've found with overnight cabins,complete with proper bathroom and free minibar drinks.
OH now fired with enthusiasm for more complicated trips and is talking about the overnight sleeper from Amsterdam to Warsaw next time....but not in the winter!!Feel a bit more ready now to face the solicitor on Monday and once that is over will write to all mum's friends who came to the funeral as we weren't able to speak to them all on the day. It's going to be a very different Christmas this year, but mum will be with us in spirit. She was always the Christmas baker, so I will definitely find the time to make my own mince pies at least.
