I'm very glad to have found this forum I have to say I live in Australia and have a 91 yo mother with dementia. Last week I finally got her a respite place with view to permanency in a beautiful nursing home. I had looked at about ten places and this was top of my list. She went kicking and screaming (not literally) and only because I finally convinced my brother that she should no longer be living alone. With the two of us united we brooked no argument from her and she realised she was beaten. I thought my worries would be over now she was cared for and did not have access to a phone. What a blessing, I thought, that she can no longer make constant phone calls asking me the same questions over and over.... She has been there one week tomorrow and there has been 2 incidents of bizarre behaviour in that time. No doubt due to "sundowning" she has been pushing her furniture in front of her door at night (they have removed it now) and found once lying on the floor and another time roaming the corridors. She has told me crazy stories about bikies hiding stolen cars in the roof space and coming at night to get them. I find that it is difficult to ensure things they promise to do are done. She was supposed to see a hairdresser Tuesday but it didn't happen. She fell and hurt her back and a doctor was called at night but no pain medication was prescribed. She saw the doctor Tuesday on his normal visit but forgot to tell him her back hurt and no one informed him. I had requested sedation be prescribed for her at night but the doctor was not informed. She says there are no day activities but I can't be sure if this is true. The staff are very nice to her and she loves the food but there is complete silence in the dining room. The residents don't speak to each other at all. Is this normal? It is a high care ward although not a secure dementia ward. Mother complains endlessly which is very hard for me. I feel like just taking her home and letting her struggle on as before but my biggest opponent, my brother, now surprisingly says this can't happen. He has been in denial of her dementia ("she's 91, of course she's forgetful") until now although night time hallucinations have been present for a year. I think he's finally woken up to how bad she is. Part of me is terrified they won't keep her after respite has ended. I just wish she would die peacefully in her sleep. What life is this for anyone to live? I am so angry at the doctors who gave her a triple bypass 3 years ago when dementia signs were well and truly present. Sigh.