And again

[Katy44]

My grandma has gone on a wander again, and was missing for about 4 hours. She packed some clothes into a carrier bag and said she was going home. She then wandered into town (my Grandad had said he would go with her, but as she had woken him up to tell him this he made the mistake of nipping to the toilet first and when he came out she'd gone).
Anyway, in recent posts people have advised me to take her keys off her and give her old ones tht don't fit anything in particular. When I suggested that, I found out that their front door doesn't actually have a lock on the inside - it's got a key lock on the outside but locks as soon as it is shut and just has a handle on the inside. As they don't own it (it's a flat inside sheltered housing) they won't be able to put a lock on it - fire regulations etc.
I am frustrated about this, and also that, now this has happened, we will go through the entire rigmarole again of her GP and the CPN, and the end result will be that they won't do anything unless she asks for help.
Another thing that really upset me is that my Dad told me this morning, and he said that my Mum hadn't wanted to tell me because she hadn't wanted to upset me and because she hadn't wanted to make a big deal out of it. That upsets me even more, as I'm obviously causing her more stress by my reactions.
I suppose we should just be glad that she was OK, and I am (my Dad found her and she was very angry that people were looking for her and the police had come out).
Can someone please tell me something good that's happened to them today? Thanks for listening to my rant, and if anyone has any practical advice about what to do to physically keep her in I'd be very interested. I had thought the keys idea was such a good one!

 

[Jude]

Dear Katy,

Get another lock fitted which will bypass the others and don't wait to get the OK to do it.

Funny stories - well.... Ollie has appointed himself as 'guide cat' when my parents go for a short walk, which is usually for about 15 minutes twice a day. This morning, he came back alone and was very vocal about it. I shot out to locate them with Ollie in the lead and found them talking to a group of residents with dogs. There were no problems with the oldies, nor the dogs and Ollie, since he isn't phased by canines and is really friendly with the Jack Russell that our neighbours own. He must have felt that they had exceeded their 15 minutes walk time.

Jude

 

[storm]

Dear Katy,I think you should get a new lock fitted pronto im sure you could do it without removing the one thats there,or could you get in touch with whoever is in charge of the shelterd housing and inform them of the real problems you are having and they may be able to help.The only good thing about today that i can tell you is that i woke up but i will settle for that at least no disasters so far.storm

 

[Katy44]

Ollie was maybe telling you that everything was fine, but if there had been a problem, he'd have been able to manage!
Thanks to you both for cheering me up - I'll see what can be done about the lock situation. It would hopefully not be a problem for us to fit one.

 

[Sheila]

Katy, don't mean to be a pain, but it might be best to just OK it with the sheltered housing bods first, my Mum and Mum in law were/is in sheltered housing and it can nullify the insurance etc if you alter things so be careful not to get into hot water. Do other people living there and the warden know your Nan is apt to do this? I found them to be a great help in keeping Mum safe before she got too bad to live alone. Love She. XX

 

[Chesca]

Dear Katy

Another day on the roller coaster? do you every remember going on the first ride of such, knowing full well that you would never make if off alive, and then you got such an adreneline rush you went around again and it just wasn't the same? Such are the joys of Alzheimers! Until the horror ride designers come up with anything appertaining to the nightmare of ups and downs of AD, the Pepsimax will be a picnic with the pixies!

There is a locking device which cannot contravene any fire laws/insurance or other pain in the butt organisation - such a device is fitted to the door of my mum's room at the nursing home. It works with a key but although seemingly locked on the outside the insider can get out merely by pushing the handle down - a normal reaction. It can also be locked from the inside by your Dad whilst he is there but the safety factor is quite effective. Will try to find out the name/supplier and get back to you. The fact that the building manager of your housing assocation does not know this ( does HE know of the problem - not the housing officer) is of some concern because they should all be fitted to sheltered accommodation!

As for something good happening today - I spoke to you!

Lots of love
Chesca

 

[connie]

Dear Katy: something good that has happened today. ---------
I have just put Lionel to bed, hving been out to his favorite local resturant.( the only one that accepts him going to sleepin between, and sometime, during courses)
He remarked upon the trousers I was taking off " why was I wearing these, they are for going out"
I told him where we had been, but his only remark was - " did I enjoy it and what did I eat"

Why do I feel so sad - where has that wonderful, articulate, funny, man I met just 8 short years ago gone???

Sorry I am moaning - It really was good!

Keep smiling, Connie

 

[Chesca]

Dear Connie

The wonderful funny man you met is still right in there - he's just struggling a bit (a lot! if you want it, but a bit for this bit) tragedy is in his knowing and his verbalising of that fear, but there is something almost glorious in him sharing that with you and something glorious - forgive me I sound like a counsellor - about you acknowledging that fear! you sound like a pretty special couple to me endorsed by the understanding of your local haunt - there'e something very special about them too (for what it's worth say a thanks on behalf of me and AD - it means a lot).

Be kind to yourselves, I think you're quite lovely and remember there are times when you just have to take every special moment as it comes. I think you're brilliant even if you're not of the shared opinion!

Chesca

 

[Brucie]

Hi Connie

if you do something for him that makes him think for just a minute "that was nice", before losing it - then it was worth it.

He's there. He knew. That counts.

...and if it was good for you at that time, then doubly so.

Some people never get that throughout their lives, so let's enjoy it, whether it be one minute, 8 years, 38 years, 52 years... whatever.

 

[Katy44]

Thanks for all your comments. I definitely think we will have to fit some sort of lock, but we will do it will the consent of the warden who is very nice and has been good to my grandparents. On the other hand, we need to make sure that this is treated as urgent and done as soon as possible (I'm sure my Dad will buy and fit the lock in a couple of hours, but that's no good if we have to wait for a week for written permission!). Chesca, I would be interested in details of that lock if you can find them, thank you very much.
The other people in the housing block I don't think would be able to help - my grandparents are the youngest in there by about 20 years. My grandad (who is a young 72!) is the fire warden, and generally lends a hand when people need jars opening / things off high shelves. Until about a year ago my Grandma was shopping for the lady next door as well as herself! I don't think it would be fair to ask any of them especially as my Grandma can get quite verbally abusive when people are trying to stop her leaving.
Connie, I am sorry to hear your story. It must be very hard for you to have only been with Lionel such a short time. I hope you both can still get some enjoyment out of a meal out together, even if it's just while you're there!

 

[Norman]

Dear Connie
my wife loves trees,I try to take out into the country to see the changing colours of the leaves.Most Sundays we go out for a Sunday lunch and to see the changing country side,she loves it and is so happy for a short spell.
When we get home she remembers nothing of the trip,or what we had to eat.
What matters is that she enjoyed at the time ,we shared a happy hour or two and I have some more memories.
I do know how you feel Connie
Hour by hour and day by day
Norman

 

[Chesca]

Dearest Kate

am in the process of finding the name of the locking device and will get back to you as soon as.....

You speak very movingly of the relationship built between the neighbours and Mum and Dad - they both sound like the kind of rocks you need at all times. Is it possible that they have become the victims of their own successes and there is a reluctance therefore to speak of what they, probably, already know? Your mum is ill, that is why she is a seemingly angry bunny are you hiding her from those who will, I suspect, understand more than we can know? Just a thought. They just sound a wonderful couple of people, given your Posts, that it seems unbelievable others with the benefit of their past kindnesses would just wash their hands. Sounds to me like everybody is caring for everybody. Is there an awful element of protective secrecy re Mum's condition, negative in my experience, going on that precludes anybody else's perceived concern (sometimes known as being nosy'?). Pride goes before a fall, as they say, and in my family's case it nearly came to that - such a fall as it could have been!

Get back to you with the lock number business tomorrow, hopefully and, in the meantime, remember who you are - you are special because you love.
Chesca