An update

[chrissieL]

A minor miracle has happened....it's been 2 weeks since I stopped sending my husband to day care and he is now calm, settled and happy at home. There are no more traumas, very little confusion and no distress. His memory is still very poor of course but we are coping well. He had his memory test last Thursday and scored 25. He isn't being put on any drugs and I am able to leave him for short periods now, we also have someone to come in twice a week to give me a break without worries about his safety. His confidence has returned a little and his mobility is a lot better, though not brilliant. We will shortly be meeting our CPN and things are progressing well. I never would have believed that there could be such a difference if I had not seen it with my own eyes! I realise that this could all change at some point, but right now I am making the most of it.
I'm still reading the posts on here and gaining a lot from them, thanks to all of you for being there.

 

[Norman]

Hi Chrissiel
so pleased to read you good news ,as you say make the most of it.
We have to seize every chance of a little happiness where we can
Best wishes
Norman

 

[Sheila]

Dear Chrissie, glad to hear things are good at present. My own Mum disliked the day care she had to attend prior to diagnoses, so we didn't pursue it again for well over a year. She was not that happy the first time or two then, but soon settled in. My reason for mentioning this is, don't burn your bridges, leave the door open because you may need this facility in the future. Best wishes, love She. XX

 

[chrissieL]

thanks Sheila,
The day care I chose was not right for my husband, it was a nursing home,small and full of ladies. He had nothing in common with them and disliked the fact that he was spoken to like 'an imbecile' as he put it, by the staff. ( I don't think they were that bad, just trying to be kind, especially when he was distraught.)
I just think he wasn't ready for it then. The sheer stress of going there and coping with a strange environment caused the confusion, trauma and distress that he was suffering, this in turn made me think that he was much worse than he actually is.
He has had trouble with being in strange places for some time now and the long stay in hospital plus the day care really took their toll.
I have since heard of a better day care facility which isn't so nursing home orientated which I will keep in mind for a later date if need be. Our CP said that if he wasn't the type of person to do musical movements and play bingo he probably would'nt enjoy it anyway, so maybe I have to plod on for a while yet.

It is hard and I get very tired, but I am able to have a little time to myself now and he is happy watching T.V. or sitting in the garden and life is so much less stressful without the constant moithering ' where am I going tomorrow', 'I hate that place and I don't want to go' and talk of ending it all, not wanting to live like that etc. I just couldn't cope with it.
I know that it could get worse, but he's nearly 83 so it's possible that it could stay like this until he is taken by something else not related.
He just seems so happy to be here with me, have a little ride into town, go a walk in the wheelchair that I can't spoil it for him and to be quite honest I'm enjoying his company, he's much sweeter than he used to be!

 

[Jude]

Dear Chris,

I had a very similar response from my father when my parents stopped going to Day Care. Monday evenings were sheer hell before the Tuesday DC visit. It just wasn't worth the aggravation to have 6 hours free because I spent most of the time asleep to make up for the lack on the previous night.

My father found the whole scene tedious, trivial and demeaning [his words]. I know that many people enjoy DC as a social outing, which is why the system is very worthwhile. Unfortunately, it didn't work for my father.

Jude

 

[chrissieL]

Hi Jude,
Yes that pretty much sums it up, the day was doubly spoilt because I also dreaded picking him up, hearing about his behaviour and then sitting through the trauma of him unwinding from it, until it was forgotton for a while, when he thought he had been on holiday and we had just got back! I could never understand why he would connect going on holiday with the trauma of daycare!!!!
It's a mystery.
I'm just glad it's over for a while.

 

[Sheila]

Hi all, I think between us we have pretty much summed up the problems of day care or not. For some it works, for others it don't! You just have to weigh it up and as I said to Chrissie, keep the door open because needs can change. Love She. XX