An unsolverable problem

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Hard Work, Aug 25, 2019.

  1. Hard Work

    Hard Work Registered User

    Sep 20, 2017
    55
    West yorkshire
    Hi I've posted before and usually found solutions to problems but this one is beating me. My oh is now waking at 12/1am talking and waking me. I bought a chair bed for downstairs so I I can escape if it gets too bad, but now he gets up and follows me downstairs so my sleep I still disturbed.
    These episodes usually last one or two hours then he will fall asleep but I'm left awake and its exhausting. Don't know how to deal with this!
     
  2. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    345
    Hi.My dad has Mirtazapine at night which helps reduce anxiety and let's him sleep..It is a small dose..
     
  3. Olliebeak

    Olliebeak Registered User

    Sep 13, 2014
    57
    Buckinghamshire
    I would definitely talk to your GP about some medication at night. You really need your sleep!
     
  4. Hard Work

    Hard Work Registered User

    Sep 20, 2017
    55
    West yorkshire
    Thank you both for your advice rod has a review at surgery coming up so I will certainly ask about meds.
    Regards Shirley/hardwork
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    701
    I’m laughing but I know I shouldn’t, because for years Mum has been waking at night & talking, wandering etc; & if you ask her how she sleeps ‘ oh like a baby ‘
    Yes if that baby’s got raging colic!
    Been telling GP etc about Mums nocturnal habits but they still believe Mum when she says she sleeps fine!
    Even OH, when she has stayed with us has noted the nocturnal activity!
    Given up on mentioning it now but will have a list for dementia clinician & OH present to support me when the much awaited appointment arrives!!!!!
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    701
    Again, thank you
    My list is growing !!
     
  7. Jenni_B

    Jenni_B Registered User

    Aug 24, 2019
    51
    Female
    France
    @TNJJ - I will also tell my sister about Mirtazapine in case she hasn't heard of it.

    @Hard Work - My sister's OH disturbs her sleep every night, often several times, either with toilet needs or, increasingly, hallucinations/delusions. Wandering downstairs to check "if everyone is still there" or "I'm looking for my pants - they flew out of the window"... The other night she woke up to find him with his shorts over his head like a bag! When she finally settles him down again, he rolls over and goes back to sleep, leaving her wide awake and then exhausted the next day. Like you, she would be followed if she tried to sleep anywhere else, although I'm encouraging her to try separate bedrooms. He might slowly get used to that? And that might also ease him into being on his own in at night by the time he goes to a care home for respite or full-time?
     
  8. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    345
    It is also used for depression.
     
  9. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    345
    Hard work.If your sister is finding him putting his pants over his head,he May be needs a reassessment.He sounds like she either needs to get him 1 Carers overnight.2 Medication review.It sounds like he is sundowning which usually become a regular occurance..
     
  10. Jenni_B

    Jenni_B Registered User

    Aug 24, 2019
    51
    Female
    France
    @TNJJ Yes he sundowns. Worst is in the middle of the night when, perhaps?, he semi wakes from a dream but is still kind of trapped in the dream or else does wake up but is too groggy to tell the difference between dream and reality. Maybe they're the same thing. I think he had a medication review fairly recently but it might have been for other things. Will check. As for carers overnight, I think he would be too resistant (I think I read elsewhere that night carers are hard to come by and horribly expensive?) but will also suggest this. Thanks.
     
  11. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    345
    It is.Fortunately my dad cannot walk without equipment so although he sundowns he cannot get out of bed..yet!
     
  12. Jenni_B

    Jenni_B Registered User

    Aug 24, 2019
    51
    Female
    France
    Comes to something when you (one) ends up saying "Fortunately" about stuff like this. :)
     
  13. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    345
    ;)Yep there is no other way of looking st it at the moment.He doesn’t have overnight care.
     
  14. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,142
    Why does he wake up?
    Too hot/cold?
    Hungry/thirsty?
    Goes to bed too early?
    Find and deal with the cause, before bad habits become fixed.

    Bod
     
  15. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    345
    I have worked in care homes and the community,so although it is bad for dad.I don’t have to worry about him trying to get out.
     
  16. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    159
    OMG I am having exactly the same problem with my husband and its doing my head in. He wakes initially to have a pee but wanders, going down to the ground floor cloakroom rather than the bathroom next to his bedroomo_O, if I wake and catch him in time, ensure he does a pee, get him back to bed he may sleep through till 6ish, when he gets up and goes down for breakfast (which I leave out for him). He used to then go to living room and watch TV but now he just pesters me and wont let me sleep (I sleep in a different room). We have some 'better' nights and some worse when he gets difficult, refusing to stay in bed, but not happy to go down sit and watch TV either.
    On top of this he has taken to following me around in the day too, even standing outside the bathroom door when I go to the toilet.

    Re medication, I have a stingy supply of Zopiclone but theyre reluctant to hand it out because it adds to confusion. One night recently I gave it to him and he slept till six but peed on the floor, I guess because by then he was struggling to hold it and couldnt find the toilet in time (he isnt normally incontinent).
    I also use Melatonin some nights with just limited benefit, but I feel it helps me get back to sleep!!!:(
     
  17. Hard Work

    Hard Work Registered User

    Sep 20, 2017
    55
    West yorkshire
    Thank you everyone for your replies
     
  18. Hard Work

    Hard Work Registered User

    Sep 20, 2017
    55
    West yorkshire
    Roseleigh,
    I'm sorry you are having the same problems. It's very hard as we don't have a spare room, but as said before I will discuss with g.p and see what can be done. ROd also follows me around and seems very anxious sometimes, maybe it is depression as someone suggested, not really surprising in the circumstances. Hope things improve for both of us.
    Take care
    Shirley/hardwork
     
  19. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    159
    Oh dear, sorry to hear you've no spare room. Nobody should have to sleep in the same room as someone with dementia as they can be very restless - my OH went through a stage of having night terrors when he'd waken me with fearful noises - fortunately more muffled by distance. Also just having that space to put the light on, read and have a mug of Chamomile tea helps. Do you have a dining room you could convert?
    I've had a couple of very bad nights, but I think made worse by his being uncomfortabble due to constipation, relieved today:eek: and he has complained of tiredness so hoping tonight will be better!;)
     
  20. Hard Work

    Hard Work Registered User

    Sep 20, 2017
    55
    West yorkshire
    Sorry roseliegh had a bit of a glitz with computer. I hope you had a better couple of nights. To answer yes I do have a conservatory which is used as dining room and I have recently bought a small sofa bed which fits in there, it's not ideal but better than nothing.
    Take care
    Shirley/hardwork
     

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