1. Debby Short

    Debby Short Registered User

    May 29, 2008
    38
    Near Heathrow Airport
    Hi I have just joined and thought I would introduce myself - my mum, who is only 65, was diagnosed with alzhimers only 2 and a half years ago - in the early stages I hear you say - but we have just been told she is in he last stages. It has attacked her so quickly, my parents have not had time to take about alzhimers and what was going to happen.

    My parents live a 2 hour drive from me and my dad is my mum's full time carer. He has done so well looking after her, but things have just got to a point where he cannot cope anymore. She seems to be getting worse by the day. She has recently been in hospital to have her medication monitored, but dad was told there was nothing more they could do.

    she is so violent, he has just been told that she even has to stop going to the Day Centre. Yesterday the final crunch came and my dad was told mum should go into a nursing home.

    They arranged it and he took her (he was all alone), however, he called me last night he could not leave her there, he said the place was horried, he cried the whole time they were there and in the end took her back home.

    Today the mum's social worker is visiting............

    My dad feels that he is letting my mum down (he always promised he wouldn't put her in a home). He told me he didn't know how he would cope without her - they have been married 47 years this august.

    Has anyone else out there heard of Alzhimers attacking so quickly.

    Sorry to have rambled, but I really need to get to talk to someone about this I hope I have done this in the right place.

    Debby Short
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Debby,
    Welcome to TP.
    You and dad have had so little time to adjust to mum's illness...and yesterday must have been so awful for your poor dad.

    My mum had to go into a NH for the last 18 months of her life...my dad too felt guilty....I think you can help ease that guilt by taking some of the responsibility for it....a family decision that it is best for both mum and dad. I think as well dad has to see that the most loving thing for him to do is to care for mum in a NH if it is too much at home. I think it is too easy to buy into the idea that placing a loved one in a NH is letting them down....sometimes it is the best possible place they can be.....the care that they require is just too much for one person to provide.

    Sorry cant help with your question about rapid deterioration.
    Love Helen
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Hello Debby

    You are in exactly the right place.

    I am so sorry about your mother`s rapid decline and fully understand your father`s reluctance to leave her in the nursing home.

    There are many sons and daughters of those with younger onset Alzheimers on Talking Point [TP] in addition to husbands and wives. And there have been many rapid declines, particularly among the younger sufferers.

    My husband is 75 and currently on an assessment ward. It is dreadful leaving him there. He doesn`t understand why he is there and feels abandoned.

    But there is hope he will come home eventually as he only had one episode of violence. It was very frightening and I understand how your father must feel.

    It is so wrong there is no provision for younger people.

    You will be well supported here Debby. And if your father uses a computer, please encourage him to come to TP too. It will not solve the problems he has with your mother, but he will be among people who know and understand what he is experiencing.

    Take care xx
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Debby, welcome to TP.

    I understand so well how your dad feels. My husband is in a NH, and I would so much like to bring him home. But I know it's not possible, his needs now are more than I can provide, hard though that is to admit.

    Your mum has declined very quickly. There are so many different forms of dementia, that really all our experiences are different. My husband had a very slow decline for seven years, then a sudden collapse. It's so hard to come to terms with.

    Your dad needs to discuss with the social worker what places are available in the area. It would help if you could be there too, or talk to her yourself later.

    It may be that there are not many places available for younger people with AD, that's sometimes the case. But if he has a choice, it would be good if you could visit some of the homes with him, and talk him through his reservations. Helen's right, it's much easier if it's not just him making the decision.

    I'm afraid the guilt is something we all live with, however much we know the placement is inevitable. But he shouldn't feel that he is breaking a promise. We all have our limitations, and if your dad has reached his, the kindest thing he can do is to hand over the 24 hour care to professionals, and enjoy visiting your mum, and perhaps taking her out for drives, etc.

    Good luck, it's a very difficult time, but many of us know what you are going through.

    Let us know how you get on,
     
  5. VIB35

    VIB35 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2007
    27
    Herts
    Hi Debby, I've sent you an personal email. My mother is 64 and has deteriorated incredibly quickly too. I have been told it is much more aggressive in younger people. VIB35
     

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