I joined a little while ago and talked about my mom who has vdementia and my father who is looking after when he's allowed. From what I have been able to ascertain things haven't changed that much in recent weeks. I was initially looking for ways to support my father from a distance. Suggestions about sending emails were received and we have talked about that and its not going to be a solution as mom gets annoyed when he uses the computer as she thinks (and rightly so) that we discuss her in email (she can't use a computer and so can't check herself). She doesn't understand that conversations need to be had, especially as she tells one tale and its incorrect quite often. Kype was another thought that was suggested but I think that will prove to be a challenge as well. :-( still to give it a go though.
Even telephone calls are difficult as she gets angry and het up if I speak with my father on his own. As ever conversations with my mom are light and easy topics, listening to her complaints and what she has been doing. My father will sometimes come in on these conversations but they remain at the level required for ease and no additional stress.
We had a slight break through though yesterday evening as mom attends a group which my father doesn't go to and is home alone. I spoke with them both just after tea and after asking some careful questions established that the coast would be clear once he had dropped her. Managed to get a decent and informative chat with my father when he got back home and now know that this evening in a week is the best chance of a quite chat for a catch up, listen and to understand what is happening and how he is coping. Not that I can do much from where I am but hopefully it will help. She won't listen to him but does hear what I say so I may be able to help him by talking things over with her for him at times.
Felt good to get something sorted and also to get a chance to speak with my father as its such a rarity.
Even telephone calls are difficult as she gets angry and het up if I speak with my father on his own. As ever conversations with my mom are light and easy topics, listening to her complaints and what she has been doing. My father will sometimes come in on these conversations but they remain at the level required for ease and no additional stress.
We had a slight break through though yesterday evening as mom attends a group which my father doesn't go to and is home alone. I spoke with them both just after tea and after asking some careful questions established that the coast would be clear once he had dropped her. Managed to get a decent and informative chat with my father when he got back home and now know that this evening in a week is the best chance of a quite chat for a catch up, listen and to understand what is happening and how he is coping. Not that I can do much from where I am but hopefully it will help. She won't listen to him but does hear what I say so I may be able to help him by talking things over with her for him at times.
Felt good to get something sorted and also to get a chance to speak with my father as its such a rarity.
