1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Billy's Girl

    Billy's Girl Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    76
    West Yorkshire
    After weeks and weeks of being confused and not very well, spending time in hospital with serious problems, I took my husband in the ambulance from the hospital after an outpatients appointment back to his nursing home. It was an extremely ealy start for both of us and he went into bed for a rest and nap. I told him I was going to do the same and he said out of the blue "can I come and lie at the side of you?" I told him he looked comfortable and I would be back soon, I will be going at tea time. It has really upset me and started me back on the path of thinking could he possibly come home? Perhaps he is improving, do Alzheimer's patients ever ever turn the corner and improve? Has anyone ever had such an improvement that they returned home? At the moment he is doubly incontinent, cannot walk and is prone to falling
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    Hi Billys girl, dementia is such a heart-rending disease, isnt it? We are always looking for the person we loved in with all the confusion. Sometimes, out of the blue there is a flash - a moment of lucid thought and its easy to wonder if we were perhaps mistaken. The sad fact of the matter is, though, that people with dementia never improve. There is only the steady decline. If your husband went home you would have all the same problems which meant he had to go into a home back again - and some more. :(

    Leave all the day to day caring which would wear you out for the care home and spend time with your husband talking, holding hands and treasuring the memories of the moment.
     
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,853
    Female
    Scotland
    My husband has many lucid moments but even more deluded moments. Yes, it is touching when a flash of the old person comes to the fore but you need to be practical in terms of daily living.

    John likes me to sleep in the same bed (I would rather be in a spare room) but when he is up showering or rambling nonsense at 3 am I wonder why I am indulging him.
     
  4. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Hello, Billy's Girl.

    I had one incidence of this after my hubby came home from hospital the first time. However, it was only the once, and he soon settled when he went to bed. The following days, he was back to his now normal self with dementia, and all that goes with it.

    If you're getting help, I'd advise you stick with it. Then you can enjoy each other's company when you go for a visit. Besides, you won't be as stressed and upset as you would, were you caring alone.

    Much love and respect to you.
     
  5. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon

    That must have been so poignant for you Billy's Girl. Strangely my husband has been very good today, and I was thinking along the same lines as you. Guess we're grasping at straws. In some ways though it makes it harder when you come back to reality. Just as well we can come on TP for good advice. Very best wishes to you. Es
    xxxxx
     
  6. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    My wife kissed me today for no apparent reason, first time this year that I can remember, just make the most of the moment.
    K
     
  7. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    How lovely Kevin.
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,590
    Female
    Dundee
    How lovely. Yes we must make the most of those moments.
     
  9. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    How lovely for you, when my hubby recognises me he kisses me as he is so pleased to see me, enjoy that moment
     
  10. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Agree. It's another moment to treasure.

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  11. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,658
    North West
    I think Billy's Girl knows deep down the answer to the question she posed and that those who have responded are right.

    However, I think that 'people with dementia never improve' and 'there is only the steady decline' maybe overstating things. Over time, there is a decline - of course. But certainly, for some people at least, there are many small peaks and troughs along the way. And we need to watch out for the peaks and make the most of them. Sometimes they are very brief indeed but not always.

    I often see things that worry me and then they turn out not to be permanent - yet. It was probably over a year ago that Sue started having trouble climbing into bed. But after a few days, that sorted itself out. Sometimes the difficulties return, but not for long. Of course there will come a time when she can't do it at all. But I think it is important not to jump to conclusions when these peaks and troughs occur. There is a great danger that we might just accept something as irreversible when it actually isn't. The best way of ensuring that something becomes irreversible is to allow a PWD to stop even trying to do it.
     
  12. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Really wise words Stanley, borne from experience. Many times I have got really frightened when OH seemed to have suddenly deteriorated but then he has recovered quite quickly. Life with dementia is a rollercoaster of emotions and if you can try to stay in the moment without too many expectations life is a little easier.
    Es
    x
     
  13. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Its terribly hard but you need to set a level of care for their worst days, not their best days. Enjoy the good days as they happen. I try to only think of today. You can spend your whole life worrying about things that never actually happen.
     
  14. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,590
    Female
    Dundee
    I couldn't agree with you more. That mirrors my experience with Bill.
     

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