Am nearly at breaking point love to talk to someone

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by disi, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. disi

    disi Registered User

    After some many sleepless nights with Robert coming into me nearly every 10 minutes or so from around 1.30 am I just don't think I can carry on much longer.

    This afternoon my Son and I have an appointment with our GP regarding this situation. I know the answer will probably be to get Robert into Respite for a short time to let me try and get back to normal. I am so concerned he won't want to go, he didn't even want to stay at our Sons house 10 days ago. Also what happens when he returns from say Respite. Up to now he is not aggressive at all. But has big fears of when the Carers come at 9 pm he knows he must go to bed and gets into quite a state. He is always calling for me and I feel I will let him down.

    Up to now I have tried to be positive but at the moment everything is black and I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have lost any interest in looking after the house, cooking etc everything is to much of an effort. When the weather is good I do like to walk.

    Sorry I am moaning so much but know TP is the place I can do it.

    Hoping to hear from someone disi x
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Oh disi, you are just exhausted ((((hugs)))))
    If you can get respite then go for it. Im sure he wont want to go - they never do, but without it I think you may totally crack. You sound quite close to it now TBH :(
    When the respite is booked it will be the time for love lies. Dont tell him about the respite in any form in advance as it will only worry him. When it gets to the day tell him its a holiday, or that the doctor says he needs building up, or whatever works. If the respite is in a CH that is used to dementia they will be able to cope with him while you have a break, even if hes unsettled.
  3. Blackfield

    Blackfield Registered User

    Mar 8, 2015
    It's so hard for you not to put yourself before Robert but you need to have a rest before you can start making difficult decisions. I see my mum dealing daily with my dad and i marvel at her patience. However, her health is definitely suffering because of the constant strain. if you do not have a break soon you will be unable to care for him at all. Of course Robert will not want to go into respite but if he was thinking rationally and knew the pressure you are under I'm sure he would want to give you a rest.

    In the great scheme of things he will forget the experience of respite and you will find it much easier to manage.
  4. disi

    disi Registered User

    Thank you so much for your reply. It helps when you read some answers.
  5. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    near Folkestone
    Oh disi I so understand how you feel as for the last 4 month I give up sleeping by 3am as I have been woken so many times during the night and like you I am beyond dog tired. Due to husbands epilepsy he can't be prescribed sleeping meds :( so I just get on with it. Sleep deprivation is the worst!!!! Hugs to you xxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  6. blueviolet

    blueviolet Registered User

    Mar 1, 2015
    Hi disi
    I know just what you are going through. I have a very similar situation with my husband and he only wants me around - nobody else. It can be very stifling. I try to get out as much as possible (with husband as I have no-one I can leave him with) Walking is good for you and has been my salvation. Don't worry about the housework it is your welfare that is more important. This forum is a great help to all who are feeling the strain so keep in touch and know we are all there for you.
  7. shelagh

    shelagh Registered User

    Sep 28, 2009
    Be tender to yourself as well

    You sound exhausted and must put yourself first. If you break down the situation for your dear husband will be worse than ever. Be tender to yourself and find some respite somehow. With love Shelagh
  8. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    I can't send anything but hugs and empathy. It's so hard. You need to look after yourself to be able to look after your precious partner. We all need to do what we have to do. This is not a path any of us would have chosen. X

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  9. count2ten

    count2ten Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    Oh disi , you sound like you are at breaking point, no good for either of you, .. remember you are making the decision in his best interests, always remember that. The "love lies" are absolutely necessary to save your strength and sanity, I'm sure your husband would be doing the same thing if the roles were reversed, and you would be none the wiser except knowing that you had someone a bit more "recharged" caring for you when you return home. Someone on TP responded to one of my posts saying that it was time to let other people share the load, and I took heart from that very wise advice. You are doing the best you can in the most difficult heart breaking circumstances.
  10. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    Sweetie, as much as you love your husband, you have to find a bit of love for yourself too. :) When our children were babies, and we were young, energetic, and fit, we were able to physically and mentally cope with being disturbed every 10 minutes at night.

    Usually it was down to teething, or a wet nappy, or a bad dream, and we would soothe and comfort, in the sure and certain knowledge that as well as being cute, they would grow out of it. Alas, it's not the same thing now. :(

    You are exhausted, and are too tired to put one foot in front of the other. You need help, and you must ask for it, because a sick carer isn't much use to the sick patient.
  11. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    North Somerset
    Joining with other TPers in wishing you peace, disi. Can't add to what has already been said but hope you take the opportunity for much needed respite.

    Sent from my GT-N5110

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