Am i talking to a brick wall


Registered User
Jan 27, 2006
Sorry about this everyone, but i have to let of some steam. I was waiting for my dads social worker to get some help for mom with my dad who as AD, We waited for eight months, untill i rang her to find that the help we wanted must have got lost in the system. So we was back to square 1. dads new social worker came to see mom and said that she would send someone round to help with the personal care with dad. ok great because moms now having a job to dress him herself and by now her own health is suffering trying to look after him and look after herself has well. Anyway she makes another appointment with mom and we will see her in a weeks time. since then shes been of sick, and i've been phoning them asking very politley please can you help me, cause i'm now watching my mom going into a depression and i'm worried i will then have two parents to look after. so i get through to the duty officer last friday, she tells me she will change dad to a new social worker and we would hear from her during this week. Well no we didn't so i rang again today. Acording to the nice lady on the desk he hasn't been changed to a new social worker, she said she would leave a note to the duty officer for her to ring me......Well i'm sick to death of all this.....My husband is runing around looking after his own mom, my mom our house decorating doing fences in gardens. All i seem to do is think who am i going to help today. Don't get me wrong i don't mind helping mom and dad and i've been there for them every step of the way, and i intend to be there for as long as they need me. But i feel now that i've hit that brick wall and i'm talking to myself because nobody gives a dam.....Sorry this as been such a long post but i need to have a rant because i'm so wound up about everthing by now.:mad: Janet :mad:


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Janet,
Rant away - TP is yours to do that on! You know what you are going to have to do though, pick the phone up and talk to the social worker again. What about putting it down on paper as well, then it cannot be denied, also becomes part of your dad's file, if there are any problems in the future.
Also sounds to me as though you and your husband could do to 'go on a date'- amidst the caring, and maintenance and general jobs, give each other a little time.
Take care. Love


Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
Definitely a good idea to keep everything written down, and passed to whoever is supposed to be supplying help.

If you can note down everything, from first request, with dates and names, suggest you put this in writing to Social Services without being nasty - more along the lines of 'I am sure you will be distressed as I am about this'.

Keep it unemotional, more deeply disappointed and very surprised, and finish off along the lines of 'I really am at a loss now how to get the help my mother so needs, and have been advised to copy this to the local press, which I am reluctant to do but might have to be my last resort'.

They really don't like sad stories in local papers about people not getting the help they are entitled to.
But the secret is to always appear to be fully confident that they will sort it out, quickly, and that you feel this is just a very unfortunate one off that you won't whistle blow on unless pushed.

If you hate letter writing, send me a private message and I could perhaps help. When I get the bit between my teeth I am quite effective. My favourite line ever, to local council, went 'while we have nothing but admiration for your operatives, the removal of raw sewage from a lawn is an imperfect art'. Long story, involving third world conditions re overflowing drains, that eventually after strong letters produced CCTV and the finding of a builder's trowel in a sewage pipe!

Good luck
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Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Janet, have you been responsible for contacting Social Services? Would a referral from a GP help? (One or two others around here that know the 'system' a lot better than me, I know - I just wonder if that may stand 'more clout', not that it should...... ) From my own limited experience of SS (in a work capacity), the workers do see to 'move about' different teams and 'cases' with alarming regularity allowing lots of 'gaps' to appear.....

You're going to end up stressed out and ill yourself (got that T-shirt, as they say! - as I'm sure many others here....). Could your own GP even help?

Agree with Amy, hard as it may seem, you need to find some 'time-out'/'me-time' / 'chill-time' for yourself...

Let us know how things go.....

Love, Karen (TF)


Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
Hi Janet,

Some people are lucky enough to find a brilliant social worker who sticks with them but unfortunately my experience has been similar to yours. I know how frustrating it can be trying to get hold of someone to help and being passed from pillar to post.

Take heart, I was attempting to contact my Dad's (non-existant) social worker recently. Like yourself, I was in a situation where my Mum was at the end of her tether, (although about a different situation) and I was refered to the "duty officer".

She turned out to be very good and got the ball rolling for us, finding the information we needed etc. It seems that even when the people at the other end of the telephone are being polite, it's sadly essential to push a little before things get done. It shouldn't be that way of course, but personally I would be on the phone again on Monday morning hassling them (in the nicest possible way)! Eventually you must get through to someone who can do something. Good luck Janet!


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
When I have needed to have a little 'rant' on TP about SW or CPN, or once, occupational therapist, I printed my thread out, with one or two replies.

Handed same to SW when next seen. Did the trick for me.

Some of you may recall that I printed a letter that I sent to Carers Support, when I felt that what 'support' they were offering was demeaning and derisory.
I was so, so surprised to receive a phone call from them, indeed from the very person I addressed it to, and we are in the process of setting up a much more satisfactory package. Not quite there yet, but getting there


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
What it is they see that your there always helping out ringing rushing around like a blue ass fly they don’t bother ,why when they can hear your voice on the phone taking so well coping fine . its like only when you get to the point of stressing yourself out to them your own situation your own commitment to your own family beside your mum, dad what how the effect of your parents is having on you personally, someone said don’t show emotion, sometime showing your emotion is the fastest way to get the SW out .tell them your at your wits end , (to hell with the nice lady on the phone she not the one living in it .) get me the duty SW please if I can’t cope how my mum going to cope with my dad every thing going to come crashing down that’s what they need to hear to take any notice .

Don’t beat around the bush be honest open with , them, tomorrow never come if they hear your coping with the present moment.

Don't mean to sound hard ,but that how they work
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Registered User
Jan 27, 2006
all on tp

Thanks for all your replies, Having a bit of time out today with hubby. Will be back on form tomorrow, did all that was needed to be done with mom and dad yesturday. Don't think i will be so polite tomorrow when i get back on the phone to sw. I've truly had enough of being fobbed off. Did surgest to mom yesturday to go to see their gp, and get him to see if he could get things moving. Thank to you all. Will keep you imformed of my progress. ;) Janet ;)


Registered User
Jun 25, 2006
Hi Janet. I'm so sorry to hear you're having a bad time with Social Services, but unfortunately it isn't unusual.

May I suggest, in addition to the other excellent advice on here, that not only do you put everything in writing, listing the length of time the process has taken so far, and when and how many phone calls you have made, you also mention that unless your parent's needs are assesed and met soon (I think it should be done within 28 days - ask to see their "Better Care, Higher Standards" leaflet), you'll be starting the complaints procedure. Most local authorities' rating will be affected by the number of complaints they receive, so most are naturally anxious to mninmise them. I'm afraid it's the old story - those who shout loudest...

All the best.


Registered User
Jan 27, 2006
No joy again today, dads SW was there but wasn't answering her phone. Will keep phoning this week, then will try your surgestion. Menwhile mom's getting the doc in tomorrow to take a look at dad, he's not been well over the weekend. Moms going to see if he :confused: can do anything about the siduation. Thanks again. :confused: Janet :confused:


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
I am sure that you are aware of the reputation of our SS department,the name has just changed again by the way.
Whatever you do keep a log of your phone calls,broken promises and everything else that happens or does not happen.
Do not hesitate to go for the complaints procedure they won't be happy,it affects their rating and I believe costs about 2k to follow through.
Get yourself an a'dvocate,AS,Age concern there are many who will act with you .
Keep in touch

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