Am I losing it?

[Poetic_Lass]

As most of you that have kept up with me know, I was very close to my grandmother, and my grandparents were more like parents to me. Time seems to be marching on, but everything seems to be muddled and jumbled since July. People act like it's just a easy, simple part of life, and everyone seems to go on like not much has changed. But I don't understand that. I suppose I am not taking it as well. I really do miss my grandmother, and I feel so lost, confused and disconnected with everything. In a way, I even feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Like I've lost part of myself, when my grandmother died.

I spend a lot of time on Find A Grave; you can make memorials, grave registrations, and leave virtual flowers or tokens in memory of people on there. But most of the time I spend online anymore, I spend on there. Since grandma died, I have become very touchy, and I try to leave flowers/tokens for many, many people on there, because I don't want anyone forgotten. But most of these people I never knew. Is this normal? Is this unhealthy? Maybe I am losing it.

 

[frazzled1]

i understand you so well...i lost a part of myself when my mother died. But, recently i was sent to a temporary work assignment......and by great coincidence, sent to exactly the same school, same classroom, where my late mother sat to learn when she was a child!! My mothers ghost was there that day and each day since has been a success. Things WILL get better......promise.

 

[Heather777]

Carolyn, just wanted to say that grieving is a very strange process and we all have a different path to follow-this path will have bumps and straight bits. It will also have a few crossroads and we might need to make some tough decisions about which route to take.

My dad died in March and my mum in 2009 and I understand the fog that you find yourself in. It is right that people outside of our personal situation dont understand the process we are in-maybe they are on their own tough road.

I do think that you need to find away to distract yourself perhaps through some volunteering? My sister volunteers once a month in a dementia group- this could help you put your energies into supporting and sharing the depth of your understanding about the needs of this disease.

Dont feel that all those bare graves indicate that people are forgotten-families remember people in different ways, we as a family celebrate my mums birthday by going to the beach and release balloons to her.

You need to be kind to yourself- I am so sure that there is no cut off date where we can dust ourselves off and say right that is it-grief is done! You will always miss your grandmother and wish she was here but begin to think about some of the great things you shared.

Take care
Heather

 

[RmC17101]

Hi Carolyn,
I lost my Dad to Alzheimer's three weeks ago and I think from this experience and past that while grieving is shared it is different for everyone. You don't sound like you are losing it - you are grieving, and there is no normality in grief, at least I think so anyway - even if everyone goes through it at one point or another. I'm struggling with my grief now too so I can relate. I know it takes time. As for being online on Find A Grave - if it helps you right now or brings any comfort or release than continue. If there comes a time where you feel ready to try things from you life "before" you should take it slowly. Maybe one thing a day, or every few days. Today I'm going to take my dog on a long walk, which I haven't done since before Dad got really sick, and I think I am ready. I hope you mind yourself and I wish you much comfort xx

Rachel