Am I in denial of the end of life signs?

Little Circles

Registered User
Mar 30, 2017
119
0
Derbyshire
My Mum has Type 1 diabetes and insulin dependent and is in the severe stage of mixed dementia of Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia. On Friday Night after being very sleepy for the previous 4 days, and not eating or drinking much, we got a call from the nursing home that she was unresponsive she was blue lighted to the Hospital where she is now. The nursing home were treating her for a water infection, and she had a high temperature which the doctor has prescribed oral antibiotics 4 hours earlier

When I got to the hospital with Dad, she didn't look like my Mum and after examination we were ushered into a family room to discuss possible outcomes and options. We were told that with Mum as she was then, it could go one way or the other. Mum is now nil by mouth and is connected to drips, for antibiotics and insulin as well as fluids. They are concerned about her swallowing so have referred her for a SALT assessment. Mum could hardly open her eyes could not communicate and could not lift her hand. The CT scan showed no recent stroke. The nurses feel that she may have to go on pureed food and fortified fluids. She is bed bound and doubly incontinent. After we visited the hospital Saturday morning our hospital closed visiting for visitors so now I only have telephone contact and even she is discharged back to the nursing home they are in lock down for visitors, so it could be potentially months before I see her, though I question that how I saw her on Friday evening.
Mum’s skin seems to be pinky and shiny and I have never seen her like this. She has a mucus build up around her mouth and I kept her mouth moist with a sponge.

As we have been warned it could go one way or the other, I still feel in denial of this being the start of end of life.

The worse thing is we can’t visit due to the coronavirus either in hospital or in the nursing home, though was told if they say it is end of life, they will make concessions to allow visiting.
 

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
434
0
I sympathise. My mum was in a similar situation in October and rallied with her treated infection. She is still on pureed food. Her home is also now in lockdown and she has deteriorated considerably so I’m finding it very distressing.
I feel sure they will call be if she seems to be close and bearing in mind our prolonged ‘end of life’ stage I’m trying to step back from my anxiety.
 

Moose1966

Registered User
Feb 10, 2017
147
0
Staffordshire
I sympathise. My mum was in a similar situation in October and rallied with her treated infection. She is still on pureed food. Her home is also now in lockdown and she has deteriorated considerably so I’m finding it very distressing.
I feel sure they will call be if she seems to be close and bearing in mind our prolonged ‘end of life’ stage I’m trying to step back from my anxiety.
Hi I’m the same mum is in NH on lockdown , it’s so hard not to be anxious . I have asked them to notify me of any deterioration and I’m also on there emergency help list if they become short staffed , I don’t want mum to be alone etc so I’ve offered to assist with her feeding which is time consuming , it will free staff up for other duties if needed . I will of course be temperature and symptom tested each time I go ( if I have to ) it’s the least I hope I can do for my mum in this testing time .
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
212
0
Hi I’m the same mum is in NH on lockdown , it’s so hard not to be anxious . I have asked them to notify me of any deterioration and I’m also on there emergency help list if they become short staffed , I don’t want mum to be alone etc so I’ve offered to assist with her feeding which is time consuming , it will free staff up for other duties if needed . I will of course be temperature and symptom tested each time I go ( if I have to ) it’s the least I hope I can do for my mum in this testing time .
I never thought I would say I was glad that mum is no longer with me, but with this bloody virus, I am. My deepest sympathy and thoughts are with everyone affected by this. It must be horrendous, on top of dealing with your mum's dementia. Hugs.