Am I hard-hearted

[Amy]

Hiya Connie,
I hope that you have got yourself that drink. It must have been so painful for you seeing Lionel in such mental pain; mum did not seem to have that awareness of what was happening. It is so hard on you, both physically and mentally - well done for not shouting at Lionel tonight. It maqy have made you feel better at the time, but no doubt yo would have regretted it later.
I can't say anything that is any help, but thinking of you and hoping you are enjoying the glass of whatever it is!
Love Amy

 

[Áine]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} connie ........ you've been so kind to me

 

[Norman]

Dear Connie
so sorry to read your sad post,stay strong
Norman
I have sent you a PM

 

[Nutty Nan]

Connie, you are such a trouper, and Lionel is lucky to have you.
Fingers crossed tomorrow will be a little better .....

 

[Michael E]

Connie I am so sorry - sounds horrid....

I was having a similar problem with Monique a few months back - Unlike you I lost it and shouted at her and told her to make a few bleak choices....

Me wracked with guilt - her deciding she had gone to far and started making a major and for the most part successful effort to be nicer to me... for what its worth...
Michael

 

[connie]

Just had a call from the day centre. Lionel is sitting slumped over to his left in the chair, complaining of stabbing pains in the head.

This was something else discussed at our visit yesterday. Consultant is going to sort out yet another CT scan, although he did not think it was too much to worry about.

Yes, and I am still the villian of the day as far as Lionel is concerned. This is quite a new one from him, other people villians yes, but not me. Am finding this hard to cope with. Hope it is just a phase (after all he has not mentioned buying and selling houses since he came back from respite) so who knows.

Take care all, Connie

 

[Amy]

Hiya Connie,
It will pass. Keep smiling, you know in your heart that he doesn't mean it, and would be hurt to know how much he is hurting you. And if you do resort to Michael's 'tough love', that's OK, seemed to work for Michael.
I think that those of you who care 24/7 are often far too hard on yourselves - we all lose our rag with the people that we live with, husbands, wives, partners, parents, children; as long as we don't inflict physical harm, and the person is assured of our love, it passes. No lasting harm done.
Battle on Connie, you are doing your best, no-one can ask more. When Lonel is making you out to be the villain, let your brain wander, imagine the villain you could be, imagine yourself lying on a sun soaked beach, I suppose what I am saying is try and detach from it - what a silly old sausage he is being!
Thinking of you.
Love
Amy

 

[Lynne]

Mental images ..

Good idea Amy; am now seeing Connie in her Bonnie & Clyde outfit, complete with machine gun!

Love & Hugs Connie - I'm sorry one obsession was replaced by another, particularly such a 'personal' one.

 

[Michael E]

Connie I really feel for you.. its horrid and so cruel and dollars to doughnuts it's acting - a way of seeking attention... I think it will pass -

When my dad had senile dementia (AD??) my mother put him in a home when he became doubly incontinent... I had mixed feelings but did not have to live with him 24/7 and now can imagine what it was like... so - she moved so Binns had to be moved to another home and I was allocated the job. Got him in the car and drove for a couple of hours ......... Got to the gates of the new home and he asked where we were - 'the new home'

'You've done for me Mike' he said......

Been dreadful to live with those words BUT...... He actually settled in very well, started 'goosing' the younger nurses, got visits from my mother and me every week and totally forgot that 'I had done for him'.....

I honestly think like small children there is an element of acting and manipulation going on when anything does not exactly please them... Unlike small children there is a greater wealth of half remembered emotions to use on the person they want to be co-operative....

Still it really is bloody sad - you deserve so much better - no normal person would do this to you and that may be the point.... A bit of attention from some pretty nurses and he will be as right as rain! Bet you!

Michael

 

[connie]

Hi Michael, you could be right.

When I collected Lionel from the respite home I was told that he had proposed to three of the nurses, obviously the young and pretty ones.

I guess when your inner world does not make sense to you, you lash out and say all sorts of things. I never feel he is childish, but boy is he childlike at times.

Still at least he is still at home with me, and for that I am grateful, even if I moan a bit at times.

Love to all, Connie

 

[Michael E]

He'll be fine Connie - bet yer.

People are manipulative, but grownups have a conscience about it - mainly - or wonder if they can get away with it! Lionel and Monique both know what strings to pull to make us acquiesce -

Speaking as a bloke I have thought that I would top myself if I got AD (after a while!!) but to be 'cared' for by gorgeous nurses in those sexy uniforms might make me reconsider.... Any spare beds in Lionel's home???

Love

Michael