Am I going the right way about become mothers carer?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Remember_me, Oct 31, 2006.

  1. Remember_me

    Remember_me Registered User

    Sep 28, 2006
    London W9
    Hello people :)

    Found this site and it's been an eye opener....... and I have a couple of questions.

    Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a couple of months ago and medication has been prescribed. We three children have been keeping an eye on her for a couple of years but she's gone down hill a lot recently and needs more help. Mother lives alone in her own home and we three children all live about 35 miles/45 minutes away. I have looked through the factsheets and have got the forms for EPA and Attendance Allowance.

    Well recently I became unemployed and it seems sensible for me to become her main carere. I don't expect/need to be there all the time at the moment but becoming unemployed I could go Monday and come back Friday. If I do become her career, rather than get another job and a professional carere to look after her, it feel it will be better for her.

    I get £57 per week Job Seekers allowance and as I understand it I will receive about the same allowance as a career. Mother will also receive an Attendance Allowance, but I have no idea how much. Is this correct? And is there any pitfalls to look out for with me having EPA and being her paid carere?

    From what I have read the steps seem to be.

    1) Get her assessed
    2) Get me assessed
    3) Apply for Attendance Allowance
    4) Set up EPA (Myself and my Brother)

  2. Áine

    Áine Registered User


    Hi rememberme, welcome to TP. I don't think I'm the best person to advise about the finances and legalities ...... someone else will be along soon and do that. But I was just thinking that STEP ONE maybe needs to be you sitting down and really counting the cost of potentially being away from home monday to friday. It might seem "sensible" that you do it, and you clearly care about your mum, but do you WANT to do it? I guess you need to think about what you will be missing out on by being away so much of the time, and what you will be taking on by living in with mum, and how that might feel if/when her needs for care increase. I'm not saying don't do it, your mum is very lucky to have a child who will consider offering this amount of care, and like you say, it might be a lot easier for her to accept someone she knows caring for her. But it's not something to be undertaken without really counting the cost.

    best wishes
  3. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    You can download the EPA forms from the Guardianship website

    You do need to get them signed ASAP on a good day as your Mother needs to understand what she is signing and in front of a non related witness

    The practicalities of using the EPA are pretty simple once you have cerified copies (do not let the original ever leave your safe keeping)

    Banks will normally do a couple of certified copies for you but if your Mother has any money in National savings they are the one extremely difficult organisation who demand ONLY solicitor or stockbroker certified copies

    Finding the paperwork for your Mothers finances may prove problematical as they can get very possesive and aggressive if you suggest they cant cope

    As for caring that truly is one almighty decision to make and not to be taken lightly

    You also need to consider all the future ramifications if she needs to go into care as the later stages can be far too difficult to cope with .
  4. Remember_me

    Remember_me Registered User

    Sep 28, 2006
    London W9
    It's tips and gotchas in connection with state bureaucracy I'm really looking for.

    Helana's "consider all the future ramifications" and Aine's "not something to be undertaken without really counting the cost" are well founded comments and I have read most of this board so expect few suprises, even though Mother will put her own creative twist on things :)

    The tip about National Savings is usefull and thats the sort of thing I'm looking for. Mother is still at a stage where she is cooperative and I've already got a relationship going with her local Bank manager, mind you managers change so quick these days! It's tips and gotchas in connection with state bureaucracy I'm really looking for here.
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #5 Margarita, Nov 1, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2006
    When you get the EPA sorted out , it be so much easier for you to sort out your mother finances with the state bureaucracy , because of the data protections act , they will not talk to you unless you send the EPOA to them , or they talk to your mother first on the phone her giving them permission to talk to you .Also good tip is to send EPOA to the pension office , AA , so when you need to phone them they have it on there system, that they can talk to you

    If your mother is on the basic pension, she can get something call pension credit then if you get that your mother, AA is paid all together with her pension.

    The social society
    They do a visit to you and your mother to make sure all is legal and above board.

    If you do not have EPOA they can sort out guardianship you for all your mother benefits are paid to you and put in to an account that you have access to.

    I had EPOA so they did not need to do that, and I have a join account with my mother so had access to her account

    Even thought you may have a good relationship with the bank, they need to see EPOA is you need to with draw any money from your mother account. Make sure all your ID is up to date passport or driver licences.

    I have just started working, so my benefits are going to stop. I was on Incapacity benefit, then that stop , few weeks back they put me on income support they said I would get £57 for me and £26 for looking after my mother and they pay my rent council tax , that stop now because I am working part time.

    I may not be finically better of working as I can only do part time and care for my mother.
    living on benefits I was not better of , or maybe I was because they pay my rent , but mentally I am more better of working , and that’s more important to me , since I stop working 2 years ago fulltime to look after my mother . Seeing that you have the weekend of you may find it easier, you could sort out a carer for the weekend with social services.

    Seeing that your going to be a main carer to your mother she going to become very dependent on you , and miss you at the weekends , just wanted to warn you but that’s in the future , like Norman says take one day at the time .

    All the best

    PS put your claim in for care allowance, social security income surport now it does take a long while , while they sort all the paper work out , but they back date it from the day you may your claim .

    You can’t get two benefits income support and carer allowance , so they give you what they call an underlay payment of carer allowance of £26 pounds

    In addition, if you work you cannot get the full care allowance of £46 I think it is, if you earn more then £84 pounds a week. Therefore, I would like to know does anyone really get the full benefit of carer allowance anyway ?

    As I never new, that carer allowance , was a social security mean tested benefit. I thought it was like disability benefit, or AA
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    I was not in my right mind when I gave up a job that I was going to be on 20k a year as I was going to be training up to be a section manger, all I new was that my mother was in grief after my father died and she wanted my help to help her move sell up and move to Gibraltar, I thought that would help her in her stange behaviour , littlie did I know that in a years time she was going to be diagnosed with AD no one would listen to me social services , doctor no one , in the UK but I new something was wrong , even work was complaining about the time I was taking of in running after my mother.

    So hear I am 47 year old and living on the bread line , starting all over on the stop floor at work . I had to go to Gibraltar backwards forwards , like a bloody yo , yo till a doctor in Gibraltar told me no your mum not mad she has AD , as all the doctor would say in UK was that my mother was mad , yes that was his words . then I had to bring my mother back to England, oh how I like to go back to my mother old doctor and tell him a thing or two about AD and wording his words .

    Sorry but had to get that of my chest
  7. Remember_me

    Remember_me Registered User

    Sep 28, 2006
    London W9
    Receive less than 2.50

    Well it appears that you receives £46 a week as a full time carere and then you will receive £57 pounds income support. The two combined equals £103 so the careres payment is reduced to £26 to bring income back down to below £84 per week. Any money you may earn (after tax and NI) from part time work is deducted form that £84.

    It seems strange that the minimum wage is 5.50 an hour unless you work as a carere then you receive less than 2.50.

    Can someone confirm I have this right.....
  8. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    That what I'm on and I care for my mum full-time ...
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #9 Margarita, Nov 3, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2006
    So as I get my head around this .

    I phone about every one I found out that if I work 15.55 min I would get income support , as I do the garn total 16 they class this as full time or I get no help .

    Tax credit say that as I do 16 hours I do not get any help only if I had a disability or had children. I have to work 33 hours a week to get tax credit, now how can I work 33 hours and still care for my mother , social services won’t found more then the 21 hours they have altercated me .

    As my income is only going to be £96 take home and no tax only 5p for national insurance I will not be paying a lot towards my pension , so if I could keep my carer allowance that would contribute to my pension.

    So I am penalized , for wanting to work and combine caring for my mother at home.

    Oh yes forgot to say. I get £100 for coming of income support and 4 weeks rent rebate. I feel like I am in a maze.

    Therefore, my mother is going to have to pay my rent for wanting to live with me, I suppose if I think of it as in :-my mother would have to pay to be in a care home, instead of paying care home rent she paying mine, it’s a catch 22 situation, no win situation .

    Then I cancelled the care that comes to care for my mother while I work , as she come late go home on time while I am stick in traffic , thank –god one of my daughters where around when carer went home .

    A very good friend is going to care for my mother , while I work , she doing it with out pay and social worker says she coming around next week to talk about direct payments
  10. Remember_me

    Remember_me Registered User

    Sep 28, 2006
    London W9
    Is this right ?

    As a Son I can be paid with Direct Payment as long as I don't live with Mother. I got the impression form the documentation I have read that you could not pay a relative. The other thing is that I would be holding an EPA for Mother. Does this make a difference.

    Mother gets Direct payment. Mother gives Son EPA. Son pays himself for caring for his Mother for 15:30 hours.

    Is this a better option that Attendance Allowance? I suppose it all depends on How much Attendance allowance is and how much Mother gets in Direct Payments.

    Anyone know?
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    No sounds like your mum be better of getting attendances allowance, direct payments so you can pay for someone to give you a brake when you get became a full time carer and you getting income support carer allowance.

    It all get to complicated with you holding the EPA
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Just found this

    What you can’t use direct payments for
    You cannot use direct payments to buy services for the person you care for. They can only be spent on getting the support you, as a carer, have been assessed as needing.

    You also cannot use direct payments to secure a service from your spouse or civil partner, close relatives or anyone who lives in the same household as you, unless that person is someone who you have specifically recruited to be a live-in employee (other than in exceptional circumstances, which your council may agree with you
  13. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    I would just like to back up what Aine posted and Norman in the previous thread. In the early days of AD it is not too bad... You can still look after someone and carry on a more or less normal life..

    As it progress the demands escalate.. You cannot leave them alone for more than a few minutes, getting them to bed is a very protracted business. They wake at various times - can be during the night and getting up wandering around - lost - trying to leave the house... Yesterday - I went out whilst Monique was asleep to do some quick shopping - came back to cries of 'help' and found her with one shoe, in her nightdress, in the little courtyard having mistook it for the lavatory and had a **** there... frightened, lost and terribly alone... That was a first but there will be more and as Norman posted - you actually become a prisoner rather than a warden looking after someone with AD.

    I am lucky - I have 'Equipe Monique - Team Monique' who come in to give me time off - wash her - do house work... etc.. I get two afternoons a week off. An hour or so most weekday mornings to do shopping etc... The French Government pays for some of this but I pick up a pretty hefty bill myself which I think is worth while to try to preserve the quality of my life.

    To be trying to run a 'proper family' with kids and all the demands of family life and look after someone with mid term AD would be a living nightmare I suspect. I am amazed and congratulate those who do that. Not something to be taken on if it is possible to avoid it....

  14. Remember_me

    Remember_me Registered User

    Sep 28, 2006
    London W9
    #14 Remember_me, Nov 4, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2006
    This seems like direct payment for a carer!

    This seems like direct payment for the 'patient'

    Can direct payment be paid to both 'patient' and carer. The two statements seem to conflict with each other.

    Indeed, but it want to spend as much time with Mother while she still knows who I am. I know I will have to let her go at some time :-( and she would not want me to give up all my life. I feel it's better to do something while I can and then pass her on to the professionals when the time comes.
  15. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Yes, I think that's a good point. I'd been thinking, though not got around to posting, that this could well be "the right" decision for now ............. without that necessarily meaning that it will still be "the right" thing to do in 3 months, 6 months, 3 years time. You can always change your mind, and look at other care options later.

    best wishes with it.

  16. Remember_me

    Remember_me Registered User

    Sep 28, 2006
    London W9
    Indeed, But I want to make the 'correct' first steps when dealing with the state. Start with 'Direct Payments' then move to 'Attendance Allowance'? How can Mother help me, help her, by the order in which she/I claims state support. There are no complications about her owning property or having savings.

    "Trying is the first step to failure" : Homer Simpson
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #17 Margarita, Nov 4, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2006
    First, its Attendant allowance for your mother.
    Then its income support for you, while it’s all in the post.

    Contact social services to do an assessment on your mother needs and if her bathroom has to be adapted to her needs, and if she can get in to the AZ daycentre or any other day centre

    Then an assessment on your care needs, in looking after your mother then in came the talk about direct payments , that your need someone to wash or bath your mother ,also a carer for your mother at the weekend when your not around.

    Your mother can own her own home and still get AA, income support or pension credit. Income support and pension credit depend on saving or any other privet pension you mother has.

    Hope that’s of help .
  18. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    Might be a good idea to call the helpline number, national helpline 0845 300 0336 I'm sure they will have very good advice on this to give you if you put your situation re benefits to them. Good luck what ever you decide re Mum's care.

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