Am I expecting too much?

JigJog

Registered User
Nov 6, 2013
236
0
Hi,

My OH went into a care home in August. He has settled well and is happy. There are a couple of things that I'm not happy about though and I'm wondering if it's just me, expecting too much. I'd appreciate your thoughts please.

I live close and am able to visit every day. It seems that no matter what time of day I go in, he is often dripping wet. Yesterday, there were two other residents laughing at him when I arrived, as there was a puddle under his chair where he was just dripping. On Sunday afternoon, the senior carer was laughing at him because he'd been and put his dressing gown on. It was because he was dripping wet! He doesn't have enough capacity to ask to be changed but was aware that he was very wet, bless him.

I have spoken to them many times and they just go on the defensive, saying that he has been changed, he must have had a full bladder etc etc. I supply all 'super' quality incontinence pants and I frequently change him myself if they're too busy. Am I expecting too much? Is this the norm?

He has had cellulitis on two occasions now, since August. His ankles swollen, split, infected and weeping. Both times, it's been me that has noticed this when I've changed him. But they shower and dress him. Shouldn't they be picking up on this? What if I didn't go in every day?

I know our loved ones are never going to be cared for in the way we would like and that to some extent we have to accept that homes are short staffed and inadequately trained, but I just don't think this is good enough.

Any thoughts please? Am I expecting too much?

JigJog x
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
How awful, for you and your OH. If it happened once it would be forgivable, but this is neglect, and not acceptable!! And carers should not be laughing at residents.

If it were me I'd be thinking of finding somewhere else. We moved mum twice, before we found the right home.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
I was appalled too.
Laughing at a resident is simply not on. Bad enough from other residents, but from a senior carer :mad:
If he is wet every time you go then they are not checking him often enough. The occasional accident, yes probably inevitable, but not that often

I know that he is settled happy where he is and this is good, but I think I would look for somewhere else too.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
I totally agree with everyone else...this is neglect both physically and emotionally how appalling. Residents laughing can be excused if they also have dementia as they do not understand but I would expect a member of staff to intervene speedily.In the first instance I would speak urgently to the manager and raise a formal complaint and regardless of their reaction or promises I would move him. This is not the home for your husband or tbh anyone else there if that is the standard of what they feel is acceptable professional carer behaviour. Is he self funding?
 

Scouts girl

Registered User
Jan 18, 2017
306
0
I totally agree this is terrible neglect! You must put in a complaint to the management and look for another care home for your OH asap. Also I would contact CQC and put forward your concerns about this care home. No one deserves to be treated in such a way. I am so sorry and hope that you can resolve this awful care quickly.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
I totally agree this is terrible neglect! You must put in a complaint to the management and look for another care home for your OH asap. Also I would contact CQC and put forward your concerns about this care home. No one deserves to be treated in such a way. I am so sorry and hope that you can resolve this awful care quickly.
I agree with Snow white...sort out the immediate situation for your OH and then report to CHC or even adult safeguarding at your L.A..
 

JigJog

Registered User
Nov 6, 2013
236
0
Thanks everyone.

Sometimes when you're in the thick of it, you can't think clearly and your judgement goes.

I have complained so many times now, both in writing and face to face. I constantly question whether this is acceptable or am I just looking for things to complain about. When it's all new ground, it's a steep learning curve, isn't it.

Decision made. He is self funded so I'm going to look for a different home and I will move him. In the meantime, I will spend more time in there, making sure that all is well with him.

Thank you!
JigJog x
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
Thanks everyone.

Sometimes when you're in the thick of it, you can't think clearly and your judgement goes.

I have complained so many times now, both in writing and face to face. I constantly question whether this is acceptable or am I just looking for things to complain about. When it's all new ground, it's a steep learning curve, isn't it.

Decision made. He is self funded so I'm going to look for a different home and I will move him. In the meantime, I will spend more time in there, making sure that all is well with him.

Thank you!
JigJog x
Yes you are right it is a very steep learning curve and we jigjog all usually get thrown in at the deep end. Your husband is entitled to have good care and you are entitled to be reassured that it is being provided. Obviously even in the best care homes blips happen but it is how they set about putting it right and improve that is key. As you have already brought some concerns to them in every way you can the home is obviously not well led and doubt anything will improve.

Dad had a lot of toileting accidents and incidents when he was forgetting the what where and why but it didn't help that he had an enlarged prostrate common in older gentleman so may be worth checking on with GP as medication to help can be given although for dad it was more that he was moving into incontinence. He was often taken to the toilet as a reminder not always successful either in going or wetting but at least most of the time his carers were fairly proactive.

Good luck in your care home search that your OH deserves.
 

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
219
0
Shropshire
Hi,

My OH went into a care home in August. He has settled well and is happy. There are a couple of things that I'm not happy about though and I'm wondering if it's just me, expecting too much. I'd appreciate your thoughts please.

I live close and am able to visit every day. It seems that no matter what time of day I go in, he is often dripping wet. Yesterday, there were two other residents laughing at him when I arrived, as there was a puddle under his chair where he was just dripping. On Sunday afternoon, the senior carer was laughing at him because he'd been and put his dressing gown on. It was because he was dripping wet! He doesn't have enough capacity to ask to be changed but was aware that he was very wet, bless him.

I have spoken to them many times and they just go on the defensive, saying that he has been changed, he must have had a full bladder etc etc. I supply all 'super' quality incontinence pants and I frequently change him myself if they're too busy. Am I expecting too much? Is this the norm?

He has had cellulitis on two occasions now, since August. His ankles swollen, split, infected and weeping. Both times, it's been me that has noticed this when I've changed him. But they shower and dress him. Shouldn't they be picking up on this? What if I didn't go in every day?

I know our loved ones are never going to be cared for in the way we would like and that to some extent we have to accept that homes are short staffed and inadequately trained, but I just don't think this is good enough.

Any thoughts please? Am I expecting too much?

JigJog x


That is appalling, the home is totally out of order, I do hope you can find another home that the both of you can be happy with .
 

SnowWhite

Registered User
Nov 18, 2016
699
0
thats terrible. They will try and cover their backs so I would put your complaint in writing to them and do a copy of your letter to the Quality Assurance Team for Adult Services at your county council.
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Hi,

My OH went into a care home in August. He has settled well and is happy. There are a couple of things that I'm not happy about though and I'm wondering if it's just me, expecting too much. I'd appreciate your thoughts please.

I live close and am able to visit every day. It seems that no matter what time of day I go in, he is often dripping wet. Yesterday, there were two other residents laughing at him when I arrived, as there was a puddle under his chair where he was just dripping. On Sunday afternoon, the senior carer was laughing at him because he'd been and put his dressing gown on. It was because he was dripping wet! He doesn't have enough capacity to ask to be changed but was aware that he was very wet, bless him.

I have spoken to them many times and they just go on the defensive, saying that he has been changed, he must have had a full bladder etc etc. I supply all 'super' quality incontinence pants and I frequently change him myself if they're too busy. Am I expecting too much? Is this the norm?

He has had cellulitis on two occasions now, since August. His ankles swollen, split, infected and weeping. Both times, it's been me that has noticed this when I've changed him. But they shower and dress him. Shouldn't they be picking up on this? What if I didn't go in every day?

I know our loved ones are never going to be cared for in the way we would like and that to some extent we have to accept that homes are short staffed and inadequately trained, but I just don't think this is good enough.

Any thoughts please? Am I expecting too much?

JigJog x
No you are not expecting too much! What's happening to your dad is abuse in my book.
I'd be looking elsewhere if it was my Dad.
Totally unacceptable and disgraceful.
I feel very sorry for you and your poor dad