Am I doing wrong by getting rid of her dog.....?

[Daz134]

Hello

My mother has Alzheimers / Dementia and lives alone with he little dog. She recently fell and broke her hip and has spent the last 8 weeks in hospital. The hospital care team have now placed a DoLS (Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards ( DoLS)) on my mum and at the moment have not been informed of when she will be discharged.

We have been lucky enough to have a friend that has been able to look after her dog, but now the dog has to leave and we have no where for him to go. We advertised the dog on a reputable pet site and stated we were looking for a good loving home. We vetted all the people that contacted us and think we have found the perfect match.

My question is...... Am I doing the right thing? We haven't been able to see my mum due to that fact that she also developed COVID but when we do call her up she has been asking about her dog.

I feel very guilty, but believe I have to do whats right by not only my mum, but the dog also. My mum has issues walking and has to walk with a frame, she also needs help dressing due to the operation and not the illness. I really believe that she can't look after the dog as she is at a stage where she is having issues looking after herself.

The care team that placed the DoLS said that my mum might have to go in to temporary care while my she gets back on her feet and possibly a home or some kind of care for the elderly. If this was the case the dog wouldnt be able to go anyway.

My greatest fear is that they send my mum home to her house where she will not understand or remember that the dog has gone and she will go looking for the dog at all hours.

Am I doing the right thing ?

 

[jennifer1967]

Hello

My mother has Alzheimers / Dementia and lives alone with he little dog. She recently fell and broke her hip and has spent the last 8 weeks in hospital. The hospital care team have now placed a DoLS (Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards ( DoLS)) on my mum and at the moment have not been informed of when she will be discharged.

We have been lucky enough to have a friend that has been able to look after her dog, but now the dog has to leave and we have no where for him to go. We advertised the dog on a reputable pet site and stated we were looking for a good loving home. We vetted all the people that contacted us and think we have found the perfect match.

My question is...... Am I doing the right thing? We haven't been able to see my mum due to that fact that she also developed COVID but when we do call her up she has been asking about her dog.

I feel very guilty, but believe I have to do whats right by not only my mum, but the dog also. My mum has issues walking and has to walk with a frame, she also needs help dressing due to the operation and not the illness. I really believe that she can't look after the dog as she is at a stage where she is having issues looking after herself.

The care team that placed the DoLS said that my mum might have to go in to temporary care while my she gets back on her feet and possibly a home or some kind of care for the elderly. If this was the case the dog wouldnt be able to go anyway.

My greatest fear is that they send my mum home to her house where she will not understand or remember that the dog has gone and she will go looking for the dog at all hours.

Am I doing the right thing ?

would the family you have found be able to visit your mum with the dog when she able to have visitors so she still see them but doesnt have to care for it?

 

[Daz134]

No once the dog has gone its gone. We dont know the new family so there wound be any way of my mum seeing the dog

 

[Woo2]

I think you are doing the right and only thing you can do, there are few other options and as you say if she goes in to care you will have to rehome the dog then . Can you tell a love lie to your mum about the dog ? I would change the subject when she asks and distract or just say yes the dog is fine . Very difficult choice but a necessary one.

 

[jugglingmum]

As soon as I read the heading my thoughts are yes you are doing the right thing.

But reading through your post, your mum has no mobility so can't look after a dog, won't be able to feed or deal with any accidents or let it out.

Given your mum has a DOLS I suspect there is a high chance she will be going into a home anyway.

If you think there is a risk your mum would wander looking for the dog you should let the hospital care team/social worked know as this would mean they shouldn't put her at risk by sending her home.

 

[lemonbalm]

That's a sad thing to have to do but if you are pretty sure that your mum is going to be in either hospital or care home for the foreseeable future, and you can't look after it yourself, it seems sensible. I would take as many photo's as possible of the dog now so that you have a stock of them and can show them or send them to your mum wherever she is. It will be something to talk or write about and give her some comfort. You don't have to tell your mum the truth - you can tell her that the dog is staying with friends who love dogs and are enjoying looking after hers for her while she gets better/stronger.

If it were me adopting the dog, I'd probably send doggy letters for you to send on to your mum, saying what a lovely time I was having, but I don't suppose many other people would do that....

 

[canary]

Im sure you are doing the right thing as I cant see that she would be able to look after it even if she comes home.

You don't have to tell your mum the truth - you can tell her that the dog is staying with friends who love dogs and are enjoying looking after hers for her while she gets better/stronger.

I think this is the way to answer questions about where the dog is.
Also, try buying her a large soft toy dog. Mum used to keep rabbits and when she moved into her care home I got her a life-sized white soft toy rabbit, which she loved and used to talk to.

 

[Pete1]

Hi @Daz134, there really was no other option for you, but I do understand the guilt you must feel - but you really shouldn't. Your Mum wouldn't be able to look after the dog and it would probably cause her a lot of stress. @lemonbalm has provided some really useful ideas.

 

[lollyc]

As others have said, would your Mum be able to adequately care for the dog?
The answer is no.
I was lucky ,in that a friend took on my Mum's dog, because, much as she loved him, she didn't remember to walk or feed him. Mum seemed to understand that this was the only option.
We have had dogs at my local rescue, where I volunteer, that have been very neglected by their confused owners. It's is not, of course, intentional neglect, but their owners are simply no longer able to cope with their care. You are making the best of a difficult situation. Try not to feel guilty.

 

[MarleysMum]

It’s such a tough call, especially if your mum remembers the dog. However, I agree with what everyone has said already and, as a dog owner, it’s lovely that you have taken such time and care to find its new forever home where it can continue to have the love and care given by your mum. Its the right decision for you, your mum and the dog.

 

[silkiest]

You are definitely right in finding a new home for the dog. We struggled for over a year looking after MIL's dog as well as her. She did not feed, walk or care for the dog as it deserved. The dog had chronic health problems which she did not recognise or deal with. We spent a huge amount of time trying to compensate for her lack of insight but eventually this led to both the dog and herself getting MRSA and the dog had to be euthanised. Please don't feel guilty, action now will save a lot of heartache, I wish we had acted sooner

 

[Daz134]

Thank you to everyone that has replied.

I completely agree with what each and every one of you have said. Its just as soon as she has been discharged the first thing she will ask for will be her dog.

Im worried that if she does go home she will end up wondering while looking for the dog as she will think she has lost him and he has got loose.

I think im just going to have to keep saying that the dog is with a friend while she gets better. Its for her own good. I just know that she will be incredibly lonely if she does go back home with no one else being there not even the dog.

 

[prittlewell]

PLEASE rehome the dog through a rescue!!

NEVER advertise the dog........when asked if the new owners would visit your Mum, you state you do not know them. So many dogs are advertised and collected by Normal looking couples’ only to be used by dog baiters, or as breeding machines.

If you go through a registered rescue, the dog will remain the property of the rescue, and they will throughly vet any potential owners.

Never give a dog away privately to, especially free, to anyone you do not know well....

As someone who has worked with rescues and has had dogs for 40 years, I have heard some horrendous stories. If your Mum has savings, then pay someone to look after her dog until you are absolutely sure she will not return home. There is a charity that has members who look after dogs when their owners are in hospital.

Caring for a pet during illness

There are organisations that will help your pet while you are ill or hospitalised, as well as schemes to ensure your pet is cared for after your death.

www.saga.co.uk

 

[Spamar]

The Cinnamon Trust, I think it is. I haven’t used them myself, but have never heard a bad word about them! But wholeheartedly agree with @prittlewell