Hi all,
I posted a while back about my mum who has dementia (un-diagnosed because she won't see a doctor - gets nasty when I try and address her memory issues). She repeats, has mood swings, hallucinations (see's my dad quite regularly - he died 3 years ago).
She has good days and bad and I've been dealing with it for the last few years as best as I can with a 7 year old, my partner and I are freelance and both work from home so I usually go and see her at least 3-4 days a week for 2 hours at a time, plus I deal with all her bills, shop for her and pick up her medication (she also has osteoporosis and osteoarthritis and is very frail.)
Since the Corona lockdown I have not been around to her house obviously - especially as my son only stopped school 2 weeks ago and children are prime-germ carriers. My partner has been dropping off food for her - unfortunately has to enter the house as she can't carry shopping and also because she forgets to empty her bin and leaves it so long she can't lift it - it starts to overflow. But he drops shopping, empties bin then leaves. I haven't been as I don't drive and also I know if I want she would expect me to go in and chat for a few hours and then I'll be putting her at more risk.
So she's been in a surprisingly good mood the last two weeks and I've been amazed how well she was coping -although my dead father has made a few more guest appearances . So just spoke to her today and said Charlie my other half would be dropping shopping off and she said "and will you come later". I said I wasn't supposed to because the government had said that we're not supposed to visit people or family in other homes as it puts them at risk. She said "but I've seen you in the last few days" (she hasn't obviously) and i said well not in the last week as not allowed - better for her to think it's been one week and not two.
Anyway - my question is, am I right to not go round or am I doing her more harm than good? Or do I keep going as it is for as long as I/she can stand it and keep phoning her once or twice a day. My friends think I am right to stay away but they don't have parents with dementia so wanted opinion from those who know.
Just to put some context she lives at home and still manages day to day - gets up, gets dressed, makes toast/simple meals for herself. Puts her make-up on, cleans the house. And her memory issues flik-flak wildly from one day, one month to the next. I guess I can feel she's slipping into a bad phase and I don't know what to do for the best.
Sorry very long winded post - am sure that you've all got similar problems and hope you and your families are all well.
Hx
I posted a while back about my mum who has dementia (un-diagnosed because she won't see a doctor - gets nasty when I try and address her memory issues). She repeats, has mood swings, hallucinations (see's my dad quite regularly - he died 3 years ago).
She has good days and bad and I've been dealing with it for the last few years as best as I can with a 7 year old, my partner and I are freelance and both work from home so I usually go and see her at least 3-4 days a week for 2 hours at a time, plus I deal with all her bills, shop for her and pick up her medication (she also has osteoporosis and osteoarthritis and is very frail.)
Since the Corona lockdown I have not been around to her house obviously - especially as my son only stopped school 2 weeks ago and children are prime-germ carriers. My partner has been dropping off food for her - unfortunately has to enter the house as she can't carry shopping and also because she forgets to empty her bin and leaves it so long she can't lift it - it starts to overflow. But he drops shopping, empties bin then leaves. I haven't been as I don't drive and also I know if I want she would expect me to go in and chat for a few hours and then I'll be putting her at more risk.
So she's been in a surprisingly good mood the last two weeks and I've been amazed how well she was coping -although my dead father has made a few more guest appearances . So just spoke to her today and said Charlie my other half would be dropping shopping off and she said "and will you come later". I said I wasn't supposed to because the government had said that we're not supposed to visit people or family in other homes as it puts them at risk. She said "but I've seen you in the last few days" (she hasn't obviously) and i said well not in the last week as not allowed - better for her to think it's been one week and not two.
Anyway - my question is, am I right to not go round or am I doing her more harm than good? Or do I keep going as it is for as long as I/she can stand it and keep phoning her once or twice a day. My friends think I am right to stay away but they don't have parents with dementia so wanted opinion from those who know.
Just to put some context she lives at home and still manages day to day - gets up, gets dressed, makes toast/simple meals for herself. Puts her make-up on, cleans the house. And her memory issues flik-flak wildly from one day, one month to the next. I guess I can feel she's slipping into a bad phase and I don't know what to do for the best.
Sorry very long winded post - am sure that you've all got similar problems and hope you and your families are all well.
Hx