Am I Being Unrealistic and Just a Pain?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Fhvn, Aug 24, 2014.

  1. Fhvn

    Fhvn Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    77
    Northumberland
    #1 Fhvn, Aug 24, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2014
    Sorry, if anyone has experience, could I please be told to suck it up and cope or do something.
    My husband fell in the house on Friday, he is mid stage Alz. We went down to the local minor injuries unit and the on call doctor said he has a cracked or fractured rib. He also has a UTI, which she took him off the antibiotics he had been taking and gave him another one. To cut a long story short, he fell again, now cannot get up, legs give way if he gets that far - usually screams in pain from rib before that. He hasn't eaten since yesterday afternoon, is refusing anything liquid for the past 15 hours, hasn't urinated in about 12 hours, is now refusing all pain, UTI and regular medication.
    The ambulance crew told me, he's 87 you can't expect miracles, a rib is a bad break. They said that as he had gotten up, the hospital wouldn't keep him and it would be really stressful with his dementia. I'm more concerned about all the other stuff. Any suggestions?


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  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,749
    Kent
    This is awful.

    As far as the rib is concerned I don`t believe they are strapped up, the patient is told to rest. Try telling that to someone with mid stage dementia!.

    The fact he hasn`t urinated for 12 hours would be of more concern to me but what do I know, I have no medical training.

    I think you may need to make a bit of a fuss Fhvn. 87 or not, your husband deserves some attention.

    How would you feel about dialling 999 and getting him to A&E.
     
  3. Teanosugar

    Teanosugar Registered User

    Apr 28, 2012
    107
    Stockport
    Make demands! Do not accept anything you feel is wrong without an assessment.

    .

    Yes, go back to the hospital and tell them all this. If they refuse to admit him, then ask for the duty social worker in hospital and refuse to leave until they have made a thorough assessment of his needs. If need be refuse to take him home, citing they are being negligent in their duty of care. Do you have a social worker,or CPN, if not ask for one for the future. I have found if you do not demand and question, they will happily let you carry on coping. If he has a UTI and is not drinking, this will affect his behaviour and he can not make informed decisions whilst ill.

    Yesterday my dad fell again, lives in a CH, and as was his 4th fall in 6 days, and and had been to hospital on each occasion they refused to send out an ambulance and triaged him on the phone. Dad has a fractured shoulder, is 85, falls constantly and is in bad health in other ways through being disabled for 30 years. An emergency doctor was then summoned who found him to have low blood pressure, and certain medications have now been withdrawn. I do not doubt he will fall again today, and if they refuse to send an ambulance again, I will take him to A and E myself and refuse to budge until he is checked over thoroughly.

    I would be very unhappy at the verbal response from paramedics as they should have more empathy, and would be writing into their HQ advising some empathy training!

    Good luck.
     
  4. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Makes my blood boil, that statement from the ambulance crew. So what if he's 87? If it was their father they'd have different ideas.

    You can't be expected to deal with various medical conditions alone. 999 would be my next move and insist he goes to A&E and get checked over. Or the emergency doctor and let them decide. Then it's out of your hands if a mistake is made. Shucks! Why are WE writing stuff like this?

    Wishing you both strength.
     
  5. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,529
    Ireland
    If it was me, I would be phoning again, and explaining that he is refusing liquids and not urinating. He won't last long with that. If they won't send an ambulance and admit him to hospital at least for iv fluids - then I would ask straight out "So, are you saying that because of his age, you are just going to let him die then? Euthanasia by neglect?" Sometimes you just have to say it in blunt terms and forget about politeness.
     
  6. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,036
    Durham
    Of course you are not being unrealistic, you want what is best for your husband and so should everyone else,

    I would also phone 999 as I did when my husband had a UTI and kept falling, ,

    When he was in the CH he had the same symptoms as your husband and ended up in hospital with kidney failure,

    I hope things improve soon

    Jeany xx
     
  7. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    No, no, no!!!! :mad::mad::mad: You are not being a pain. But you are being made to feel you are one, and this is dreadful, and made even worse because it's being stated by health professionals.

    I fully endorse everything that has been said. Make a fuss, raise Cain, do whatever you have to, but don't be fobbed off. You can just imagine if Prince Charles had this problem with either of his parents, and he was told "well what do you expect, your Mum's 88, your Dad's 93".
     
  8. Mun

    Mun Registered User

    Mar 19, 2012
    294
    South Yorkshire
    #8 Mun, Aug 24, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2014
    A&E without a doubt,how dare they discriminate on the grounds of ageism
    This was one of the reasons why I left the NHS/A&E, ageism was & is rife I'm sorry to say & it's ££££ that's @ the root of it all
     
  9. ASH74

    ASH74 Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    294
    I am so sorry ....it isn't always like this ....but persist with 999, out of hours GP and crisis team if you are under the MH team.


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  10. Fhvn

    Fhvn Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    77
    Northumberland
    #10 Fhvn, Aug 24, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2014
    Thanks all, waiting for the emergency MH team and the out of hours doctor again.
    I found it frustrating that the professionals were focused on the broken rib and just seemed to be ignoring my concerns about UTI and dehydration. I think the "miracles" comment was aimed more at the healing of a broken rib, but the comments about not taking him to A&E because of trauma weren't.
    The good news, I suppose, is that after more than 24 hours without food he has eaten a little, had a few sips of water and after 15 hours has urinated! Managed to get antibiotic into him at least, though he still can't get out of the chair he's been in for over 15 hours.
     
  11. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    If he is safe and comfortable ( ish:rolleyes:) in his chair, I'd leave him there, but I would ask the GP for a home visit tomorrow to check on him. Please take care if you try to move him, two of you on the floor does not bear thinking about.:D
     
  12. Fhvn

    Fhvn Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    77
    Northumberland
    Just an update, husband is in hospital. He's still hallucinating, and they are assessing him for infection, but so far have found none. He was very dehydrated and they have given fluids. He had a bad reaction to the Oramorph they gave him for the rib fracture. They will have to wait until it clears out of his system before trying to figure out what his actual mental state is.
    Thanks for all your replies, it really helps!


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  13. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Well let's hope that he now gets the proper care to which he is fully entitled. And try to get some rest yourself. :)
     
  14. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Fhvn no doubt your husband is in the best place but still an awful worry for you. Hope you can at least manage to get some rest while he's being cared for. Do hope there is better news soon. x


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  15. ASH74

    ASH74 Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    294
    Hope the situation improves and they get to the bottom of things...try to rest while you can.....also don't accept his discharge until you are happy things are sorted. X



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