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am I being selfish??

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
My mum is going into respite soon! (the 7th at 2.30pm to be exact no im not counting!!)

My family think I should visit her everyday???????????????


Im sorry but I will bring her in make sures shes settled then RUN whats the point in me getting a break if im going in everyday.

If shes upset which I dont think she will be then of course ill have to go up but not going to be a carer while shes been cared for STUFF THAT!!!!!!!!!
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,035
0
71
Durham
No visiting, no phone calls they will phone you if 't's a emergency you need a complete break to benefit, let them visit if they want

No you are not being in the least selfish and I hope you enjoy the break ,

Best wishes Jeany xx
 
Last edited:

Miss Merlot

Registered User
Oct 15, 2012
3,262
0
Yes agree!! If they are so adamant about visiting, then they should be doing it themselves quite frankly. It's not fair to "expect" you, who are most in need of a break, not to take it when it's on offer... Ignore them!!
 

rajahh

Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
2,791
0
Hertfordshire
I have never visited my husband the three times he has been in respite.

I rang twice each time, .

It is hard if you do not go away but it really is meant to be a break for you.

Get up when you want, go out when you want, come home when you want, go to bed when you want.

It is totally totally you time

Jeannette
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,583
0
No, not selfish, the people who suggest you visit are.
Leave your number for contact, even ring to check up if you're feeling unsettled but grab the respite and try your hardest to enjoy it and have the strange feeling of missing your loved one but dreading them coming home too. :)
 

Carabosse

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
1,699
0
I visit mum once when she is in respite for a week just to make sure things are ok and there are no problems, also I drop in past A*** after i'm finished.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
14,031
0
England
Respite is there to give rest and relief for you. The home will contact you need to know anything. Enjoy the break and remember 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' :D:D

Jay
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,035
0
71
Durham
I visit mum once when she is in respite for a week just to make sure things are ok and there are no problems, also I drop in past A*** after i'm finished.

The reason i couldn't visit is because Allen would think that I had come to take him home and I couldn't bear to leave him , that is another reason why I don't phone because if they said he wasn't happy I would want to go and get him , any good care home can deal with anything problems that crop up, a complete break for a few days is the only thing that will work for me , in my case it is just for 4 or 5 days ,

Jeany x
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,583
0
Yes I agree Jeany, visits are not a good idea, it just takes everything back to the beginning.
 

KingB

Registered User
May 8, 2011
254
0
Berkshire
Visiting might make it harder for your mum to settle anyway.
Take that break and relax as best you can.
Sheer silliness for them to be pushing you to visit every day - perhaps they haven't thought it through properly.
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,351
0
East Kent
Hi
The respite break is for you
so you can recover somewhat then restart Caring again when Mum comes home

IMO if family cannot understand that you need a complete break once in a while
, then shame on them but that's just my personal opinion

My Mum went for respite care a few times
The first time I visited the next morning.
That was just to reassure me that all was well and that the Hospice staff were coping with their first ever very late stage dementia sufferer.

After that I didn't visit at all, I was out and about enjoying myself ,I used to phone daily
a.d.
and a couple of times a nurse phones for some advice , I was prepaired to go up but the nurse said , no , its our place to look after your Mum as you need this break.