1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    When my husband was first diagnosed, and even before, we had horrendous bust ups. He was agressive, verbally abusive and downright nasty. I spent most of my time in tears or in despair. We would not speak, often for days.

    I was so angry with him, I was doing my best and giving all I could, but he just couldn`t see it. He thought I was the one with the problem, all his difficulties were because of me. And so it continued on and on and on.

    Lately there has been a change. When the mood swings occur, they are over in hours or even minutes. He is apologetic and ashamed. Even if he can`t remember what happened, he is aware something has spoilt the mood between us. The swings are still as frequent, but seem to be overcome more easily and don`t cause so much trauma.

    Has anyone else had this experience. Is it because I am managing my reactions better, or because my husband has more understanding of his condition, or for some other mysterious reason.

    I know there`s worse to come but for the present, I actually feel things are improving, definitely in our relationship, and probably in our management of the condition.

    Or am I being naive?
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    Do you not think that, as his condition progresses. he simply can't remember the issue that caused the runctions in the first place? Or that he was, in fact, angry? You probably ARE managing your reactions better, but I doubt he's got anymore insight into his condition. I suspect that what's working for you is his memory failure - it's hard to stay angry if you can't remember the reason. Just a thought.

    Jennifer
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    No jennifer, I`ve just realized, to my cost, I am naive. I had a good moment, but it was short lived.
     
  4. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hi Grannie G

    I've noticed a similar change (?for the better?) with my Mum & I. We're too alike in some respects, like volatile tempers & stubbornness. Used to mean big rows & long sulks. Now Mum just doesn't remember if we've 'had words', or even pick up on atmospheres. It's an improvement, but for all the wrong reasons. :(
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    Sylvia - I'm sorry the good moment didn't last any longer. Cyber hugs to you

    Jennifer
     
  6. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Granny G, your second post made me feel very sad - don't let the bad moments get to you (I know, easier said than done!!). Your husband is bound to feel desperately trapped by his condition, and you are the easiest target. I hope the clouds make way to the sunshine again, soon!
    Here's a {{{hug}}} from me, too!
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    Thanks everyone. What would I do without TP. It was silly of me to cling to straws. My common sense told me this was too good to last, but I hoped it would last longer than it did.

    This evening has been really difficult. My husband is fretting about money and how he will pay me rent. This is after having everything on joint names, all our married life. He insists he has to pay his way.

    He is also both disturbed and frightened about what is happening to his mind. He keeps asking why we can`t get tablets from the doctor to help him. I try to tell him to relax into the phase, but although he agrees, I know it can`t be done. I`m so relieved when he sleeps. At least his mind is peaceful then.
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #8 Margarita, Nov 7, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2006
    Strange you should say that, I to am finding that with my mother. I wonder if its because I understand her temper more and what the AZ is doing to her, that when she does get angry I do not take it personally any more .


    My mother had a go at my daughter today , about talking a scarf , of her not giving it back , mum temper went all out of proportion , my daughter was going to argue , back , but I stop her and told her don’t, that all Nanny has now she not really in control don’t take it personally.

    And more strange is when I was talking to my mother to day, she was saying she could not understand what was happening to her that she can not walk , like she use to in the past, we should give more credit to people with AZ , some may not understand what AZ is but they sure no something is wrong with them
     
  9. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Granny G
    My Mum gets angry often about (nothing as it seems to us) and it is hard not to respond, but half an hour later, she knows something has happened and apoligises, but doesn't know what it was all about. Next day everything as usual:rolleyes:
    Can you pretend to take rent money, etc ?
    Alfjess
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    alfjess, That`s exactly what happens with my husband . He too gets upset or angry about nothing and has forgotten it minutes or hours later. My problem is being unable to be affected by it. I find it so difficult to switch my moods on and off to match his. While he has forgotten, I am still hurting. I am learning to be stronger but it`s a hard lesson.

    Regarding the rent, I told him the house was his and mine and he doesn`t have to pay rent to anyone. He said `What a relief. I didn`t know that.`

    Anyway, I`m happy to say today has been a good day.

    Regards Sylvia
     
  11. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Out of nowhere Lionel will suddenly panic - "I have lost all my money. When I expalin that it is still all in the bank, the relief is so genuine.

    How hard it must be to be trapped in this world, after all, we find it hard to be rational about the situation...........The mind 'boggles'
     
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Connie I have to say your so right in saying that
     
  13. linda a

    linda a Registered User

    Jun 13, 2006
    48
    suffolk
    Moods

    I thought i was reading about myself
    I thought it was my fault for years you know age and teanage daughter but no it was the illness hes much calmer now hes on med
    And i think i mannage things better,now i know its not me!!!
    But its so hard isnt it you think they understand and no,
    Hes more like a three year old with attitude and temper tantrums,
    But after aweekend in hospital after a bad fall hes glad to be home,
     
  14. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Granny G and Connie
    I also have a problem switching on and off my feelings, but it must be so much more difficult for you Granny G, as it is your husband. After all Daughters are used to being told off by their Mum's, from a young age.
    Mum also panics at least twice a day, Connie. She has lost all the money, or someone has been in the house and stolen it, or she has lost the bank book. Normally everything is in my Dad's pocket and it is all found when Dad is asked to empty his pockets, then she argues with him, because he didn't tell her he had it. Poor Dad is also so confused, he can't understand what he has done wrong.
    Sometimes it is all so ridiculous, it is funny and you just have to laugh or go and scream quietly somewhere, but as you say they can't help it.
    Alfjess
     
  15. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi All

    No matter how many times I come into TP it never ceases to amaze me that so many of us are going through the same thing, the comfort being I'm not on my own.

    Being accused of stealing, be it dentures, hair rollers, rugs etc. etc. Oh how right you are Alfjess, mothers and daughters, its always me who comes in for the flack, not my brother. And as usual, I'm in bits for hours, mum, bless her cotton socks has forgotten all about the upset within minutes.

    AD I think is just one long rollercoaster, just when you think all is going along OK, slap, no it isn't, or maybe I just delude myself, great while it lasts though deluded or not.
    Best wishes to all
    Cate
     
  16. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Not alone

    What a spirit raising site this is. Such a comfort to know other carers get exasperated, amused etc for the identical reasons I myself experience. Bless you all for sharing things. xx TinaT
     
  17. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Grannie G & Connie

    How I relate to the panics over money. I'm not getting the rows and mood swings yet (long may that continue), but John has gone from being the most generous soul on earth, to worrying about money all the time. He's quite convinced we haven't any, and if we go out with the family he worries himself sick over whose turn it is to pay.

    When we got married, one of his sons was convinced I was going to run away with John's money. It makes me smile to realise how easy it would be to squirrel it away now!
     

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