Am I becoming an abuser?

[AbbyGee]

Tonight I smacked back at the evil and bruising grip on my wrist. I wanted to bite to get away. I didn't bite but wormed my way free.
I'm sitting distant from the OH. He's now sitting, eyes closed, in a little world of his own. I still want to smack his silly face into next week and return the kicks.
I don't like him. I haven't liked him for a long time, before the signs and symptoms of the Alz Dem.
I could so easily become the bad person I feel inside.
I owe him so much but that's another lifetime story.
Hell's bells ... what have I become?

 

[Sarasa]

No @AbbyGee you are not an abuser, but you are someone that is rapidly running out of road. Do start pushing for more care for your husband. You can't go on like this you really can't.

 

[Izzy]

No @AbbyGee you are not an abuser, but you are someone that is rapidly running out of road. Do start pushing for more care for your husband. You can't go on like this you really can't.

@AbbeyGee I can only agree with Sarasa.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

No, you're not. Sounds like self-protection to me. Besides, rather than doing all those things, you've come to tell us about it instead, which shows you're still in control.

However, you are at the end of your tether. It's time to make big changes.

 

[Valpiana]

I agree that you are coming to the end of what you can manage on your own. Get some help before your physical and mental health start to suffer badly. You badly need some respite.

 

[AbbyGee]

I'm now taking big deep breaths. (Breathing is always good.)
May I please apologise for being a silly little me-me-me show off pratty ****
All is good. Life goes on. Tomorrow will be better.

 

[Bod]

The above advice still stands.

Bod

 

[AbbyGee]

Tea and biscuits to the rescue. Plus some Andre Rieu.

 

[Bod]

The "good" biscuits, I trust.

Bod

 

[AbbyGee]

The "good" biscuits, I trust.

Bod

Oh yes, the 'GOOD' biscuits ... ?
Bring 'em on, I say.

 

[Shedrech]

@AbbyGee I appreciate that humour goes a long way to helping us cope ... but you are too often now swinging between extremes

You may well owe him so much ... which implies he has thought highly of you and considered you of great worth ... Sadly he's no longer able to cherish you, so you have to cherish yourself in his stead

Please let your GP know EXACTLY what has been happening and request an urgent referral to Social Services
And
Contact them yourself ... you are at carer burnout ... your husband is vulnerable and is putting you at risk of harm ... Tell them you have packed your bag ready to leave and that will mean he is alone unable to look after himself so at risk of neglect' ...aggression and violence are safeguarding issues

You can't keep laughing things off ... and biscuits can only work so much magic before they and you crumble

 

[Firecatcher]

I definitely don’t think you’re an abuser and I know I couldn’t care for someone with Alzheimer’s. The difficulty is getting the help and support you need and being taken seriously. I’m only at the beginning of this with my Mum and I’m not and won’t ever be her carer. My impression so far is that social services will only step in if you walk away.

 

[jennifer1967]

you are not an abuser but someone at the end of their tether. you shouldnt have to put up with this. youve given time for the tablets to work, now you really need to get help and give yourself space to recover your self. i realise that your humour helps to keep you going.

 

[adr1]

Oh my love, please don't blame yourself. I've been reading you're posts for a while and I'm worried about you. You definitely need more help xx

 

[canary]

I dont know what to say, apart from I too am worried about you.
You are so at risk of harm from him, but then he has a good day and you back pedal so hard. You cant go on like this
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Grannie G]

@AbbyGee

Now is the time to walk away and organise alternative care.

I know it`s not what you want to hear but today is the best it will ever be and today has been too tough for anyone.

 

[Kath610]

You are not an abuser, you are a normal human being who - like everyone else on here - has been thrown into a truly horrible 24/7 situation with a person who used to be someone different and dear to you. I feel exactly the same about my husband of 47 years, who I no longer love or even like.
Get help through your GP’s surgery and from Social Services. Consider your needs as well as your OH’s. Tell them exactly how you feel and that you want to leave. Someone else on here said to tell them that your case is packed

 

[JaxG]

@AbbyGee you are not an abuser, you have put your own life on hold to deal with someone who abuses you, a stranger whom you no longer love or like, you are amazing!! I feel the same as you, my OH has been aggressive and abusive for years and I no longer love or like him, but it if feels like a crime just to utter those words, that I am a monster to be able to feel like that about someone who has an illness. But how can you love someone who has been aggressive and spiteful for years? But it now looks like you are reaching the end of being able to care for him, and you do owe it to yourself to look after yourself and keep yourself safe. xxxxx

 

[Desperatejan23]

AbbyGee, please put yourself first for once. What would you say to a friend in your situation? I'm sure that you would urge them to get outside help. Your life and wellbeing and happiness matter. I recognise how hard it would be, I would feel the same, but there comes a point when you have to get help. You wouldn't be failing him by getting help, but you will be failing yourself if you don't. Sending a hug. Take care of yourself. X

 

[Greenway]

Tonight I smacked back at the evil and bruising grip on my wrist. I wanted to bite to get away. I didn't bite but wormed my way free.
I'm sitting distant from the OH. He's now sitting, eyes closed, in a little world of his own. I still want to smack his silly face into next week and return the kicks.
I don't like him. I haven't liked him for a long time, before the signs and symptoms of the Alz Dem.
I could so easily become the bad person I feel inside.
I owe him so much but that's another lifetime story.
Hell's bells ... what have I become?

Oh my goodness the number of times I imagined myself doing that. I didn’t because I didn’t want to sink to that level but oh my it felt good thinking about it. Now we’re in a different place and I don’t feel so stressed. You need to get medical help so that you too can relax, I was very lucky to get the support that I did, I really wish it was more readily available