1. Bassetlaw Badge

    Bassetlaw Badge Registered User

    Oct 30, 2012
    51
    Hi folks, it's been about a month since my last post (this sounds like a confession!;)) but I've just returned from a few days away with my family, including my father who we feel has undiagnosed dementia and has done for around a decade (we have just had our first memory clinic, scans and are awaiting next clinic).

    Short story, my aunt is visiting from Oz and is frankly shocked about how life is going over here. These last few days have been quite an eye opener for her and she is concerned over two main things: one, that dad is clearly ill and getting no treatment and two, it is ruling my life.

    She's right - I've become a full time carer from a three mile distance and it's crept up on me. I've quit my full time evening job to a dinner lady working 10 hours a week and my family (husband and young son) are struggling financially. We would like to try for another baby but can't because I feel I couldn't cope with running two homes, husband, dad, child, baby and job. I have no social life (sounding familiar to many of you, I'm sure) and am going greyer day by day. I don't recognise the person in the mirror any more. And I'm tired of everyone telling me what dad is or isn't doing as if I'm expected to produce a miraculous solution to everything!

    I'm glad my aunt is here to point out just how things are, but on the other hand it has highlighted the fact that I need to do something proactive. Only trouble is, I don't know where to start! Should I wait to see what these memory clinics lead to? Should I get someone in to dad's house to help with the day-to-day stuff? Dad is lucid enough to approach with these things but it would break his heart to think that it is ruling my life to the extent which it is..................

    I think that's my moan over! All praise be to TP as ever - I feel I can rant on here without judgment! :rolleyes:
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,664
    Salford
    "Am I a carer?"
    Does the pope wear a big hat:D Of course you are, welcome to the club.
    K
     
  3. Bassetlaw Badge

    Bassetlaw Badge Registered User

    Oct 30, 2012
    51
    You made me giggle! Or it might be the corona:D aunt from oz here = night off !!
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,489
    Female
    London
    Yes you are a carer. And as such you are entitled to a carers assessment, and your dad should get one for his needs too. No time like the present - call social services on Monday and ask for it. They should tell you what help might be available.
     
  5. Bassetlaw Badge

    Bassetlaw Badge Registered User

    Oct 30, 2012
    51
    Thanks, I guess I should get the ball rolling. Just spent a few minutes online trying to see what to do and it seems a little confusing. Do I simply call social services and speak to them?
     
  6. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,489
    Female
    London
    Yes, the adult social services team, whatever they call themselves in your area. You can also call your local Alzheimer's Society and Age UK to see what they can offer. It also helps to know what you are after - daily carers, day centre, sitting/befriending service, lunch/coffee clubs, respite, memory/tracker devices...
     
  7. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,664
    Salford
    Do all that then see what benefits you may be entitled to and see if your Dad can claim too. If you're only working 10 hours a week then there should be several things available but you'll probably need a diagnosis first, however, they can be backdated to that date.
    K
     
  8. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,589
    I don't think a diagnosis is needed to apply for a needs assessment or to apply for any disability benefit...PIP, AA and of course if your Dad receives these benefits you can then claim Carers Allowance.
    I would think on your hours you should get it, certain expenses are taken into account...but I think you can earn just over £100 per week and claim, if you provide 35hours+ care per week.

    There might be some intrusion into the current government's benefit cap if other benefits like housing benefits or tax credits are also claimed.
     

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