I am feeling especially sad as I start to realise I am now going through those 'Firsts' without my dad whom I lost in January this year. The first Fathers Day and now my birthday and his Grandaughters birthday too a bit more special as was her 40th. Fortunately my daughter did spend time with me as came for a few days ( my daughters birthday is day after mine ). I miss not only dad so much but incredibly its my mums 5th anniversary of her passing coming up in a week too the time has gone so incredibly fast. I am thinking over and over of that day as I was actually with my mum when she passed in her own home so I have those memories of being with her then and knowing her passing was quite peaceful.. I was not able to be with dad at the very end which I am still upset about and especially missing his funeral too which I still find very hard. It will be dads birthday next month, mums birthday in December and then the first Christmas without him. I think as I was so busy with dad and his dementia that grieving for mum was put to the side and now I am feeling overwhelmed with grief for the loss of both of them and on top of this my partner is not that well and thinking he doesn't have long left himself. After a nice time with daughter, her husband and their lovely dog I am just feeling really tearful when I should be thankful for what I still have. Sorry I just needed to put down in words.
Am feeling especially sad
- Thread starter Wildflowerlady
- Start date
Hello Andrea @Wildflowerlady
Grief is like that - it comes out and slaps you suddenly, especially around special days.
Dont worry about it, just roll with it and let it out. People seem to think that after a few months you should have "got over it" and "moved on". Well it doesnt work like that. My mum died just over four years ago and there are still times when Im bowled over with grief.
You are doing fine
xx
Grief is like that - it comes out and slaps you suddenly, especially around special days.
Dont worry about it, just roll with it and let it out. People seem to think that after a few months you should have "got over it" and "moved on". Well it doesnt work like that. My mum died just over four years ago and there are still times when Im bowled over with grief.
You are doing fine
xx
All the firsts somehow enlarge the holes in your heart and I`m sure it`s therapeutic to acknowledge this grief through the firsts, the seconds and whenever it is felt.
There may come a time when birthdays and anniversaries are remembered with loving thoughts but until that time comes, as @canary said @Wildflowerlady, just roll with it. It`s normal.
There may come a time when birthdays and anniversaries are remembered with loving thoughts but until that time comes, as @canary said @Wildflowerlady, just roll with it. It`s normal.
Dear @Wildflowerlady
I lost my mum earlier this year and her 90th birthday would have been on Wednesday this week.
As @canary has already said we do not “get over” or “move on” from the loss of a loved one within a few months. I am coming to the conclusion that part of us never does so, that a low level sadness will always be with us, based on our experiences of watching a loved one suffering Dementia. There is the natural pain of the loss of a loved one combined with the memories of the last years of that person. Those involved in the day to day caring get hit the hardest.
Wednesday I know will be a sad day. I am helped knowing mum can no longer suffer from Dementia but I still miss her badly each day. We use to take alley walks during lockdowns in 2020, mum feeling safe and secure in such a quiet environment. I frequently take that walk now on my own and talk to her in my thoughts. It helps me in a strange way. My siblings seem to be adjusting to the loss better than me, not that I have much contact. It is now clear mum was our bond and her passing has revealed we have little in common. Pity as I would have welcomed their company in these dark moments but whatever.
Please stay safe and well going forward.
I lost my mum earlier this year and her 90th birthday would have been on Wednesday this week.
As @canary has already said we do not “get over” or “move on” from the loss of a loved one within a few months. I am coming to the conclusion that part of us never does so, that a low level sadness will always be with us, based on our experiences of watching a loved one suffering Dementia. There is the natural pain of the loss of a loved one combined with the memories of the last years of that person. Those involved in the day to day caring get hit the hardest.
Wednesday I know will be a sad day. I am helped knowing mum can no longer suffer from Dementia but I still miss her badly each day. We use to take alley walks during lockdowns in 2020, mum feeling safe and secure in such a quiet environment. I frequently take that walk now on my own and talk to her in my thoughts. It helps me in a strange way. My siblings seem to be adjusting to the loss better than me, not that I have much contact. It is now clear mum was our bond and her passing has revealed we have little in common. Pity as I would have welcomed their company in these dark moments but whatever.
Please stay safe and well going forward.
@Wildflowerlady you have been through so much with your dad passing and then being very ill with covid, go with it. tears are healing and stop putting yourself down by should be like this.......... maybe enjoy things in the moment. maybe you are grieving for both your parents as a couple now reunited so double the grief. either way look after yourself.
Dear @Wildflowerlady,
Eventhough mum passed away in 2008 and dad passed away in 2019 I felt I was grieving for both of them. Dad didn't have dementia when mum passed away but I told myself I must look out for him so I don't feel I grieved for her. Therefore when dad passed away I grieved for both of them and them as a couple. Please be kind to yourself as you did the best that you could.
Hugs
MaNaAk
I'm also thinking about you all on your birthdays especially that fortieth birthday. You're obviously all Leos like me I'm on the 18th.
MaNaAk
@Wildflowerlady - No wonder you are sad - thinking of you, and hoping that you'll find some light and solace as the months go by.
Best wishes for your partner's health. xxx
Best wishes for your partner's health. xxx
Thank you @canary I'm not actually Andrea I believe she had a thread going at the same time as me and I used to read her posts regarding her mum, she lost her mum just a few days before I lost dad. I remember thinking how they were both at same stage. Thank you for kind words still feeling low but took some pretty flowers to grave today.
Thank you @Grannie G I have a issue unresolved which adds to how I am feeling which I am trying to sort out but have a feeling it may not be resolvable.
Thank you @jennifer1967 I am feeling very sad its been compounded by an issue I have yet to deal with but hopefully I will get that done I need to let my feelings known.
Thankyou @Wildflowerlady and I did have a lovely day but like you I thought of dad. I actually heard from the eldest of my two brothers in the form of a phone call and present but neither of us heard from the youngest brother so I don't know whether this will ever be resolved but my door is open.
MaNaAk
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