Alzheimers & wine, my Mum won't give it up.

[Mother goose]

My 84 year old mum has alzheimers & is lucid a good bit & thankfully physically fit.
She has always had wine with her evening meal. She is taking cholesterol & blood pressure tablets, alzheimers tabs & an anti-depressant. Three of the tabs say no alcohol & may cause drowsiness. I take her dinner & tablets in every eve, as she is not able to manage her tablets. What worries me is, she can go to a day centre 3 days a wk & has only been twice since Xmas, as prefers to stay in bed.

She lives on her own & we moved her nearer to us, so I'm only a 2 min drive. I go in at different times of day & she is usually in bed. She goes to bed around 12 or 1 am & has still been in bed til 5 or 6pm next day, but denies it. She complains she's on her own, yet makes not effort & just wants 2 stay in bed. Some people say let her stay in bed, some say it's not right. Others say don't let her drink wine, where some say if she enjoys it & its all she has left in life, let her. She says only has 1 glass, I'm sure she has more some eves. We've tried non alcoholic wine, she knew it was different. When I tell her she shouldn't be drinking with the tabs, says I'm not giving it up. It's hard to know what to do.

 

[cragmaid]

My 84 year old mum has alzheimers & is lucid a good bit & thankfully physically fit.

This is the best news of all....
If you are really concerned about her alcohol consumption, then the only way to control it, is to remove it from her.
To my mind though, it might make more sense to discuss it with her GP. My Mum takes many tablets for different ailments, some of which ought not, according to the in packet leaflets, be taken together or ought not to be taken if she is suffering certain ailments,....and they are prescribed, she does take them, and she is 87.
I think that it is more likely that Dementia is playing tricks with your Mum's mind and telling her that the clocks are wrong so she stays in bed, unless she really is so tired in which case she really must see a Doctor as she could be anaemic.
Is it disturbing her to spend as much time in bed, or is it that you think it's wrong and she is wasting her time?
At one time I too would have been worried like you, but I think that I must have mellowed as my Mum's dementia has taken a stronger grip.
To my mind, if your Mum is fit and well, lucid and comfortable a glass or two of wine is not evil, and staying in bed is a preferable choice to wandering the streets, alone and vulnerable.
I would have wanted my Mum to keep on with her Day centre...but realised that it was because I thought she should go, and not that she wanted to go.
Sorry if it seems that I am negative, but I do know where you are coming from.

 

[Hair Twiddler]

Hello Mother Goose,
I have just read Maureen's post and now have a wry smile ( 'Maureen if you believe your post was negative - just wait 'til you've read mine!')
My mum is 86 years old and not at all able and physically fit - she is getting larger and larger and less and less mobile. Every day mum drinks a bottle of wine - usually starting her first tipple at about 1pm - earlier if the TV is "rubbish" or a trip to the supermarket/garden centre isn't scheduled. The day centre is merely an interruption.
I have tried everything to curb mum's consumption - low alcohol variety surreptiously, added water, soda, ice cubes etc. Mum isn't deceived. She likes her wine and that is that.
I'm afraid that now I just 'manage' the situation - I can't bear the rants and accusations at 6pm - it's a mix of sundowning and alcohol - I feed her well and make sure that she gets to bed in the evening.
I have no bright ideas. I can't force mum to stop/slow down/be sensible.
If your mum is happy and generally okay - I would continue as you are - with encouragement to do more and get out and about but do make sure that you do tell her doctor of your concerns and your mum's routines.
Sorry, no magic wand available for hire from this house.
- Twiddler

 

[Kymo]

I'd probably check first with her doctor who will undoubtedly tell your mum to give the alcohol up. But geeez at 84yo, a glass of wine shouldn't really hurt. It'd be different if she were downing a whole bottle!! If this is her little pleasure, let her have it.

 

[zeeeb]

I'm not even slightly interested in trying to make my mum give up wine. If it makes her happy, she can have it. In saying that, if it makes her behaviour and moods impossible to manage, she'll find herself in a nursing home sooner. So even when you don't have mental capacity, the choices you make, do have consequence. If she wants to drink that much, its her choice, but its not your obligation to care for her when she becomes a nightmare because of the habit and refuses to give it up.

 

[meme]

aged 84..one or two glasses of wine..so what??? if it's her pleasure then I would not do anything....or stop her sleeping when she wants either...

 

[Nebiroth]

I would have a word with her GP. Often medications that warn about alcohol turn out not to absolutely forbid it - obviously it's better to have none, but if she won't give up the wine you can't make her and it may turn out to be relatively harmless even if it's not ideal. Alcohol content in wine is relatively low and its a small amount if it really is one glass.

It will help if you can avoid the tablets being taken with the wine I would imagine.

also note that small amounts of alcohol espescially in the form of red wine can have health benefits.

I'm willing to bether GP will tell you not to worry about it too much.

There;s no point in engaging in battles you cannot win.

 

[singp]

My mum got very stroppy when my dad pointed out that she should not be having her evening glass of wine once she started aricept so he let it go. After about a year we noticed she was surreptitiously tipping out the wine (onto the carpet ) so she was obviously no longer enjoying the taste. Now it is all forgotten about, sadly like so many other parts of her daily habits and routines that are now lost to the disease.

So I am just saying that things change constantly with alzheimers sufferers and this could also change in the future. In the meantime I would not worry too much about the wine. Sorry have no experience with the staying in bed side of things but they may not necessarily be connected.

 

[Jaycee23]

If I was 84 and enjoyed a glass of wine and had dementia, so what? Do I want to stay body healthy whilst my brain is dying and to suffer even more. Bit different if you stop drinking to improve your quality of life but does it improve your life? I would so love my mum to live a life and enjoy it but she is not and her life is a living hell. I know we are all different. My mum even says to me in her nursing home that she wished we had left her alone so that she could just die in her own home and what the hell if she was not safe as her life now is hell.

 

[dee.gillone]

Alzheimers & wine

Hello There Mother Goose,
You have got all my sympathy - I know just what you are going through.
My husband is the same age and drinks a bottle of red wine every evening! He has got an enlarged prostate and is incontinent every night and quite often during the day. He tells everyone he only has a glass now and again, that is when he speaks!
He fell and broke his hip 18 months ago and is very unsteady on his feet with sticks. An accident waiting to happen again! He goes to a day center x2 weekly.
He also sleeps a lot, but in his chair down stairs. He doesn't do anything, no hobbies or interest in any thing. I am quite fed up with it all. I am trying to get him some respite end of this month or I will go mad.
There is no magic answer to this, but keep your chin up. I bet you get lots of sympathetic looks, I do?

My 84 year old mum has alzheimers & is lucid a good bit & thankfully physically fit.
She has always had wine with her evening meal. She is taking cholesterol & blood pressure tablets, alzheimers tabs & an anti-depressant. Three of the tabs say no alcohol & may cause drowsiness. I take her dinner & tablets in every eve, as she is not able to manage her tablets. What worries me is, she can go to a day centre 3 days a wk & has only been twice since Xmas, as prefers to stay in bed.

She lives on her own & we moved her nearer to us, so I'm only a 2 min drive. I go in at different times of day & she is usually in bed. She goes to bed around 12 or 1 am & has still been in bed til 5 or 6pm next day, but denies it. She complains she's on her own, yet makes not effort & just wants 2 stay in bed. Some people say let her stay in bed, some say it's not right. Others say don't let her drink wine, where some say if she enjoys it & its all she has left in life, let her. She says only has 1 glass, I'm sure she has more some eves. We've tried non alcoholic wine, she knew it was different. When I tell her she shouldn't be drinking with the tabs, says I'm not giving it up. It's hard to know what to do.

 

[Mother goose]

Thank you all for your kind advice

Thank you all for your helpful advice.

I worry about my mum being in bed, as doesn't eat or drink from eve before, until gets up, some days its 5 or 6pm. If she's had her wine in the eve & is downstairs & needs the bathroom, that is another worry as it's upstairs. I'd be afraid she could fall, maybe we worry too much. She told me she would never give up her wine.
I'm taking her to the Dr at the memory clinic in 2 weeks.

 

[Bod]

My 84 year old mum has alzheimers & is lucid a good bit & thankfully physically fit.
She has always had wine with her evening meal. She is taking cholesterol & blood pressure tablets, alzheimers tabs & an anti-depressant. Three of the tabs say no alcohol & may cause drowsiness. I take her dinner & tablets in every eve, as she is not able to manage her tablets. What worries me is, she can go to a day centre 3 days a wk & has only been twice since Xmas, as prefers to stay in bed.

She lives on her own & we moved her nearer to us, so I'm only a 2 min drive. I go in at different times of day & she is usually in bed. She goes to bed around 12 or 1 am & has still been in bed til 5 or 6pm next day, but denies it. She complains she's on her own, yet makes not effort & just wants 2 stay in bed. Some people say let her stay in bed, some say it's not right. Others say don't let her drink wine, where some say if she enjoys it & its all she has left in life, let her. She says only has 1 glass, I'm sure she has more some eves. We've tried non alcoholic wine, she knew it was different. When I tell her she shouldn't be drinking with the tabs, says I'm not giving it up. It's hard to know what to do.

Is it "only the one"?
There have been cases of "only the one" not being remembered, and "only the one" being had again!
Normal result...as most of us will know...hangover!
Who buys the wine?
Could one glass be taken over nightly?

Bod

 

[MERENAME]

I would talk to the GP about it as the combination of anti depressants and alcohol can have serious consequences. If she won't stop drinking then the GP has to reconsider what is being prescribed.

 

[CJinUSA]

I agree with merename - all the physicians should be told about this, so that they can figure out how to prescribe differently, it at all possible. While I can sympathize with the notion of "what's a little glass of wine," I don't believe what you have described on this thread and the other one is indicative of "just a little glass of wine." Alcohol and psychotropic drugs really shouldn't be mixed. I'm not a professional, but I have seen the consequences of such mixtures, and the combinations can really prove dreadful.

 

[Fed Up]

I'm sorry this is hard but think the drinking is not life threatening nor is being in bed but loneliness could be the root of the problem ok about day centres but could it be time to consider a care home. So much can be achieved when the day has structure and there is not just a tv for company. It doesn't always work ut perhaps now is the time to start to think about it, do talk to her doctor and look at other factors is she still safe?, can a team of carers provide more visits / could a befriender call at least one a week?
Just some thoughts and I'm really hoping she is looking after herself and eating well.