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Alzheimer's has a lot to answer for

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by mems, Mar 7, 2015.

  1. mems

    mems Registered User

    Feb 17, 2015
    6
    That's it, I've just lost it big time. Now I feel so, I don't know, cross, angry at me, sad, unhappy all of the above. Some times I think I can cope with my husbands diagnosis but some times it's like a huge elephant in the room. His bedroom is like a tip and then when he falls over the stuff he's got on the floor announces there's not enough room and starts throwing stuff out or putting into the garage where he can no longer find it. I made a suggestion today about his room and the fury on his face, I walked out. Then I just got mad, went back in and told him his fortune. I'm not proud of myself. I know he probably can't "get" why i'm so mad but sometimes I just can't take the changes that are happening to him, to us, the adaptations to our house (he also has Multiple Sclerosis) the way his mind works . . . . I could go on. He has his meds, another bone of contention and our family are helpful to a point but they have their own working and family lives too. He goes to day care one day a week which in reality is just over 5 hours but I'm grateful for that. If i go out for a couple of hours he'll have hammered large nails into the bedroom wall to hang something then hours later take the nails out, fill in the holes and paint over the area this can be 2 and 3 times a week. He often falls so I can't go out for long without some one else being here. Sorry I've just come to the end of my tether today.:confused:
     
  2. rhubarbtree

    rhubarbtree Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    472
    North West
    Hi Mems, Feel exactly the same as you today. Yesterday husband said "Can't you stop nagging for just one day". Horrible that he thinks of me in this way. I thought I was keeping the ship on course, maintaining some semblance of order and doing the best for both of us. But no I'm nagging. Sick of living two people's lives and this is only the beginning for us.

    Like me you will probably pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. Thanks for being brave and starting this discussion. Best of luck.
     
  3. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I will never understand Alzheimers, Mems. The things it cause the sufferer to do; and the way we all get left to cope with it. I truly fear for the future for those who've got it coming to them, as carers, in a world where care and compassion, along with understanding get scarcer by the day.

    I've often felt like you've felt and wonder what the point is. Answer? There IS only one point: to see who's strong enough to cope with it all, and who can say they really are? It's like that old song: We get knocked down, but we get up again! Or whatever the words are. It's years since I've heard it.

    The situation with the walls must be quite terrifying...I've got my own issues I loathe having to deal with, several times a day, but that, I could not cope with. Do any of the medics know about this?
     
  4. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Feeling for you mems and wishing you strength.

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  5. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Hi mems , sorry your having such a hard and difficult time. I agree with Chuggalug we just get pushed into the carers role. I only met my husband 2 years before he got diagnosed and we just had married. It was such heartbreaking news for both off us ! He still has capacity but I loose a tiny bit of him every day and the new phases seem to come a lot faster these days. Sorry I can't offer any advice other than understanding , thinking of you x


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,992
    Suffolk
    I got asked this morning if I was always like this ( nagging) . I said no, I'm usually much worse!
     
  7. mems

    mems Registered User

    Feb 17, 2015
    6
    Thank you all for just being there. We all know some days are harder than others and yes we do have to pick ourselves up and start again.
    Chuggalig the medics do know but don't have any answers. I just make sure I have plenty of filler available although one day I'm sure the wall will just give up!! :)
    rhubarbtree you hit the nail on the head, I too am fed up living two peoples lives especially when one seems more and more child like. Once again thank you for being there, iit helps to be able to chat with others in the same situation.
     
  8. mems

    mems Registered User

    Feb 17, 2015
    6
    .

    Hi rhubartree, Like you this is the beginning for us too, husband diagnosed July 2014 but have known for a while there was a problem. I too hate the fact that I always feel I'm nagging but in reality just trying to keep it together for both of us and the family. I think it's the huge responsibility of being the carer 24/7 and trying to keep everything as "normal" as it can be, think that bit may be a loosing battle. Take Care
     
  9. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    My husband got diagnosed 4 years ago but is holding up well. He does get grumpy but in general we cope quite well. It's night times what get me as he is up about 3/4 times and by 3am I give up sleeping ! I try to concentrate on what he can do if that makes sense?!


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  10. rhubarbtree

    rhubarbtree Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    472
    North West
    Hi Everyone, Well letting off a bit of steam certainly helped. Think it was the word "nagging" that set off my feminist tendancies. Had a better afternoon - as Chick says concentrating on what OH can do. Constructing a fence from recycled wood. Difference is I have to supervise nowadays as organisational skills have disappeared. Feel it is important to soldier on with the diy so he has things to be proud of. Saturday evening who's for the Palais?
     
  11. irismary

    irismary Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    499
    West Midlands
    My OH was diagnosed in Sept last year but I had guessed what was coming for a while. I am not a patient person (I really try though) and find it really hard to remain positive when I know things will only get worse. He has responded well to the Donepezil but is unaware of how things may go. He really feels it when I get upset so I try not to. This is my first post but I have found reading this useful - knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way. When I get upset I hate myself for it as its not his fault. He functions quite well in lots of ways and he is not nasty at all so I have a look to be thankful for compared to some. Just have to keep trying to make the best of every day - easier said than done.:)
     
  12. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,942
    Female
    Dundee
    Hi irismary and welcome to TP.

    I so agree with what you said -

    My husband's diagnosis was almost 14 years ago and he's still at home with me. I try hard to make the best of every day. Sometimes it can be easier than others.
     
  13. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    A warm welcome from me too irismary. Taken it day by day is exactly what we do too. My OH got diagnosed 4 years ago and is holding up quite well .. I try and concentrate of all the things he can do, rather then on what he can't . Like anyone else on here you do get the sad days as well and it can be a roller coaster at times


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  14. elizabeth hc

    elizabeth hc Registered User

    Oct 31, 2012
    49
    We have a garage full of stuff that he decided there was no room for in the house cos I take all the space Goodness knows what is in there now but he will never find it! I just shut my mind to the mess, I am a very tidy person so it would drive me mad.like lots of things
     
  15. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,440
    Yorkshire
    I don't think Job ever encountered Alzheimer's (the patience of Job). It actually helps knowing that others lose it sometimes Too much positivity can make one feel inadequate at times.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  16. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    That's so very true Trisha. This is such an open honest forum on the whole. I appreciate that I can share feelings when I fall into the dark places, and I can only do that because other people do. It's also good to see that other people navigate such times and then find joy in life again. Es
    x
     
  17. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,902
    Female
    Scotland
    We are but sinners

    Well I too am glad this thread was resurrected as I was mentally flogging my back after an outburst at 4 am today. I can cope with almost anything if I get a nights sleep but a couple of nights in a row of washing, showering and shaving at ungodly hours and I am a banshee. John after being persuaded to go back to bed under threat of everything short of castration falls asleep and has no memory of getting up! I cannot get back to sleep so have been awake since then.

    Here I am on my one free day as he is at daycentre exhausted and drained. He will remember nothing of my outburst and indeed nothing ofbthe daycentre!
     
  18. tomgee3425

    tomgee3425 Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    33
    Negombo Sri Lanka
    Nagging

    Whenever I get angry with my OH she throws things and gets very violent so I try hard not to get angry. It's bloody hard but I tend to kiss her and say everything is ok. How the hell do we deal with this disgusting disease? One way I find helps is to agree with everything she says because she forgets it immediately. Hang on in there xx
     
  19. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,102
    Male
    Bristol
    You are probably right marion. I am sorry to say I just lost my rag with OH over silly interuptions while watching television. Cannot tell her it is the only time I get to unwind as she feels like a nuisance. She will also forget by morning.

    It's a sair fecht all right, very tiring sometimes.
     
  20. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,984
    Cotswolds
    Shaking me awake half an hour ago, angrily demanding to know why I've let everything get into such a ridiculously chaotic muddle has done no good for my determination to be tranquil! I'm afraid I said that if I don't get some uninterrupted sleep I won't be able to keep going during the daytime. Not fair, I know, because that frightens him, but, oh dear, I'm SO VERY TIRED! Thank goodness for the soothing and forgiving voices onTP.
     

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