Alzheimers family Freind

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by jowest31, May 31, 2008.

  1. jowest31

    jowest31 Registered User

    May 31, 2008
    3
    kent
    Hi

    Can I just ask for opinions Please.

    My step fathers dad is 86 and suffers quite badly from Alzheimer for the last 10 years.
    His wife died last week. My step father is going to take his dad to the capel of rest to say their last goodbye to his wife. Do you think it is ok for a man with Alzheimer to go?

    Thanks

    Joanne
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,732
    Kent
    Hello :)

    I imagine your step father knows his own father better than anyone and is prepared for any upset if he takes him to the funeral.

    There really is no right or wrong here. Everyone is different.

    Perhaps if your step-grandfather attends his wife`s funeral he will have some idea what has happened.

    I hope he will be all right. I understand your fears and wish to protect him, but sometimes these unpleasant and upsetting experiences are better faced.
     
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Joanne,
    I am trying to put myself in your step fathers position...had my dad died, would I have taken my mum? I think i would have....believing that although she didnt appear to understand...there might be some intuitive understanding left...depth of feeling...an intangible and invisible bond. I think that I would have felt after all the years of marriage it was her right to be there...and in some ways that her not being there would have been wrong....cos my dad loved her in sickness and in health. Finally....I think I would have wanted my mum there for me. Your step grandfather is still your step fathers parent....alzheimers or not.
    Just my thoughts.
    Best wishes, Helen
     
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Sorry Joanne...forgot to welcome you to TP...just seen it was your first post!!
    Love Helen
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Joanne, welcome to TP.

    I'd say yes, it's all right for your step-dad to take his dad. I understand your post to mean that he is taking him to the chapel of rest to say his goodbyes in private, rather than to the funeral?

    If that's the case, I think it's a good idea, and if he is very upset he can easily take him out.

    If you mean take him to the funeral, that may be more difficult, and I'd suggest that your step-dad arrange for a friend or relative to be there to take him out if need be.

    I'd certainly think it a good idea for him to have the opportunity to say goodbye to his wife, one way or another.

    (Sorry to keep referring to him as 'him', but I don't think he's your grandad, is he?)
     
  6. jowest31

    jowest31 Registered User

    May 31, 2008
    3
    kent
    Hi Hazel

    Thank you. I think it is decided that it is best that he goes to the Chapel to say goodbye and no he is not my grandad more my step grandad.There will be quite a few family going to the funeral so he will have people around him who can go outside if it gets too much.

    Many thanks

    Joanne
     
  7. jowest31

    jowest31 Registered User

    May 31, 2008
    3
    kent
    Thank you all very much for your replies. It is so helpful to get advise from others who obviously live with this day in day out.

    Many thanks and god bless to you all.

    Joanne xx
     

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