1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Alzheimers and Moving House

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by jks, Jul 4, 2005.

  1. jks

    jks Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    67
    West Yorkshire
    Hello. This is my first posting - please be gentle with me!
    Just wanting some advice/opinions about an AD sufferer moving house - any particular problems / pitfalls we may come across, and how I can best help.
    My Dad (75) has had AD for several years, my Mum (nearly 80) is his sole carer. Dad's condition took a nose-dive recently, when Mum was in hospital for 6 weeks following a stroke. His confusion and bewilderment was overshadowed by delusions and irrational thoughts. He couldn't differentiate between home and hospital, wasn't sure 'which old lady' we were visiting. He can't manage alone, so my brother and I took turns in staying with him, which probably added to the confusion. Mum made a good recovery, and was discharged 6 weeks later, but no longer fully mobile-she now uses a wheelchair. Dad, however, never went back to 'normal', despite his GP telling me that he would. Mum is struggleing to cope with her own health problems, and can no longer cope with my Dad alone.
    My family and I live 100 miles away, and go down every weekend to do the shopping, washing, etc, but this is taking it's toll on us all. Mum cries when I leave, and so do I. When I mentioned to them that a bungalow had come up for sale very near to me, on a warden-controlled OAP complex, Mum couldn't have been more enthusiastic. Dad was pleased, too, although his enthusiasm seemed to centre on trivial things like whether there was a soap dish in the bathroom. Anyway, they've bought it, and will be moving next month.
    How do you think this will affect my Dad? I've explained again and again that there will be no going back, and, in his more lucid moments, he understands perfectly. I am worried that he may suddenly demand to be taken back to his old home. He can get quite nasty and verbally abusive towards Mum. Whilst I have wanted this move for years and years, now it is almost a reality, I'm quite scared. I don't want to compound my Dads confusion, but there's Mum to consider also. I just want them to have some quality of life for whatever years remain.
    Sorry if I've gone on a bit.

    jks
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi jks, and welcome to TP

    I can't speak directly from experience about the challenges you may face, as there are too many unknowns - the stage your Dad is at, the areas of his brain that have been affected, his personality, etc.

    However, there are going to be problems whatever anyone does in the time to come. If the move makes caring for him - and your Mum - more manageable, then it is worth trying.

    It seems like your Dad already has problems differentiating where he is, so an additional address probably won't make too much difficulty....hopefully.

    But he will wonder where on earth he is sometimes [as he would in a place he had lived for 40 years], he may forget where the bathroom is, and thus have accidents - particularly at night. This, too, could happen anywhere.

    There may be problems with your Mum's incapacity and her inability to track your Dad. He may go walkies at any time of day and night and she won't be able to follow. That could happen anywhere.

    In moving to a new area, they will know only you and there will be no network of friends who have known them for years and who appreciate what is happening to Dad. But then, often friends melt into the ether when dementia calls on a family member. So that may not be all that different.

    In the new place, they will meet people for the first time, and the people will know them as they are now.

    A question - does the OAP complex know your Dad has dementia? I hope so.....

    As things stand, it is best to be open about his condition and this will make for less unpleasant surprises later on.

    As soon as possible, get a GP on board. It is also worth while finding out about local day centres, social services facilities, Alzheimer's Society branches...in short all the things you may need to galvanise into action at some stage. If your parents are religious, get the local vicar [or whatever] involved.

    I hope things go well for you all.
     
  3. jks

    jks Registered User

    Jul 2, 2005
    67
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Bruce, thanks for your reply. It has helped me put my own thoughts in order. One thing is for certain - whatever the future holds for them, it can be better dealt with having them close at hand.

    No one on the complex knows of my Dads dementia yet, I will ensure they all know when they move in..... Mum may need to enlist several pairs of eyes to make sure he doesn't wander too far!

    Thank you again. It's good just to put into words my fears and worries.
     
  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi JKS
    it is a very wise move to inform everyone near to Dad's new home of his illness.
    That way you will enlist "eyes" and may be make some genuine new frierds.
    Do also get a GP onboard,he/she is the gateway to other help
    Good luck
    Norman
     
  5. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    6,847
    Hi jks,

    Welcome to Talking Point.

    There are so many unkowns in this equation, as Bruce has summarized so well. Given your mother's state of health and where your father is in the AD spectrum, having them close by is proabably the best thing you could do.

    One thing it would be worth lining up as soon as possible is getting them in the queue for a social services assessment. I don't know if they have a social worker (SW) in the town where they are currently living, but having one to support them (and you) when they move to your town will could make all the difference in the long run. The SW can help you and your parents to indentify your needs and arrange local services to meet them (theoretically).

    Take care and keep posting,

    Sandy
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    This is where I can only speak from our own experience. Through a set of circumstances we moved within weeks of diagnosis of Lionels suffering from Alzheimers.

    I told everybody, from the immediate neighbours " I am the lady at no.xxx, by the way my partner has dementia etc. etc." to the people in the Post Office, the library, anyone I thought would come into contact with Lionel.

    It worked for us. For 2 years we had a good network of support. Sadly, nowdays, Lionel cannot go out on his own, but I would always say "be open with others and they will be on your side". Good luck for the future, Connie
     
  7. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear JKS,

    In 2000 I moved my parents from our family home into warden/close care assisted accommodation. Both my parents had early stage AD at that point.

    You will need to monitor the situation very closely on a daily basis for the first few weeks and this will probably mean that you need to call in several times a day to check on your parents.

    Medication - make sure the Wardens take possession of your parent's medications and ensure that they are given at the appropriate times of the day.

    Orientation - It may take a while for your father to become familiar with the layout of the inside of the bungalow. Install a night light in the WC and hallway if there aren't lights already in place. Check to ensure that the alarm system works and that your mother is supplied with 2 pendants. Keep one in the bedroom and one in the bathroom for possible emergencies.

    Take your parents on as many trips around the grounds as possible during the first fortnight to help orient your father into his new surroundings and try not to take them out during this time.

    Furnishings - try and place furniture as closely as possible to the places held in their previous home and keep the furniture in the same rooms if you can. Don't leave the keys in the doors in case your father effects an escape.

    You may find that your father becomes very confused during the first weeks of his move. He may also become angry and aggressive and prone to prolonged 'sundowning' during this time. It might be worthwhile asking the GP for some tablets to calm him down during the transition period which you could give to him, if and when he seems particularly agitated. I obtained a prescription from our GP and my father only took 3 tablets during the settling in time - I'm not suggesting that you keep your father drugged up here!

    Good luck with the move. Please do post if you need any further help in any way.

    Best wishes,

    Jude
     
  8. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear JKS, oh we are all very gentle on here, hope you soon feel at home. Sorry to hear of your problems. In the circumstances, can't see as you could have done otherwise. Both your parents are unwell and need support. The nearer they are, the more and easier you can give it. The others have all given brilliant advice, just wanted to say good luck, hope all goes well with the move, love She. XX
     

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