1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

alzheimers and cancer

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by zan, Jan 5, 2006.

  1. zan

    zan Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    hi. My dad was diagnozed with alzheimers over 2 years ago. in november my mum died and dad unwillingly went into a home. A few weeks later he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I am hoping to bring him to stay with me when he is discharged from hospital but am worried. I can cope, ( I think) with the daytime but am worried about him at night. I've been told that we might get an occassional night sitter . Has any one got any advice Also any views on how to help teenagers cope with the situation.zan
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Hello zan, warm welcome to TP. Your poor dad, being dealt such a blow, so glad you feel up to helping him for a while. With regard teenagers, personally I believe that if you tell it to them straight they react immediately, and then either want to help, or they just accept what is going on.
    I am sure your children will be as compassionate as you are, given space and time.
    Don't have any knowledge of night sitters, but feel sure you will get help soon.
  3. zan

    zan Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006

    Thanks Connie. I never expected a reply so soon. Now i know I'm not alone. Hope to speak to you again soon. Zan
  4. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    Hi Zan
    So sorry to hear about your Dad, it never rains etc.

    Try Crossroads, they do night sitting provided they have the staff. I don't know about the cost.

    Teenagers invariably react well when faced with your sort of situation provided they are given all the facts at the begiining.

    Keep your chin up.
    Cheers Barraf
  5. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Zan

    I am sorry to hear about your poor Dad, what a horrible situation you are all facing.

    I can't help with knowledge of night sitters, but as your Dad has cancer, maybe a local hospice could advise you on local services.

    I have always been totally honest with my children about Mum and other family members who have been ill. In my experience, they cope better that way than being given half truths and imagining the rest.

    Best wishes to you all

  6. allylee

    allylee Registered User

    Feb 28, 2005
    west mids
    Hiya Zan, sorry to hear of your difficulties. In view of the cancer diagnosis, Marie Curie offer a night sitting service, your local hospice should also be able to offer support and advice.
    Love to you Ally xx
  7. zan

    zan Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006

    Thankyou Barraf, Kathleen and Allylee for your advice and support. I'll try the services mentioned for night care. At the moment my Dad is not able to swallow so is being fed through tubes. He keeps pulling them out which is a massive problem. Best wishes to you all. From Zan.
  8. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    Hi zan,

    My father-in-law has AD and myeloma (a form of bone cancer), so I have some understanding of what you are going through. At the moment, my father-in-law's health is fragile, but he is being cared for at home by my mother-in-law, with outside carers coming in two times a week to give her assistance.

    As others have said, contacting the local hospice would be a great place to start. Caring for someone with AD and a terminal illness is a huge task, so it is good to get as much outside help as possible and to keep all your options open.

    EMI care homes with nursing can do very good work in these difficult circumstances. Having others to carry the physical burden of 24 hour nursing can give you and your family the physical and emotional energy to really attend to your father's special needs in a way that only his loved ones can.

    A member of TP named lyn was facing this situation several months ago (her mother has since died) and it might be helpful to read the posts that were made at the time:




    Take care,

  9. zan

    zan Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Thanks Sandy, I've looked at one of Lyn's threads and found similarities to my situation now. I'll read through some more soon to see if there is any advice there too. Zan
  10. SallyB

    SallyB Registered User

    May 7, 2005
    Hi Zan,

    Have you contacted Social Services? In our area they are not very forthcoming with help but if you keep on at them you get there! Also there might be 'Hospital at Home' in your area.

    Check out the District nursing service also these tend to be 24hr in most areas and will help with tube feeding.

    I don't know much about AD but i used to work in the NHS and i know that the only people that seem to get alot of help are those that shout the most (in the nicest possible way of course!)

  11. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    I don't know if this a saying peculiar to Suffolk, but I have heard "It's the squeaky wheel which gets greased first" Squeak up everyone!!
  12. SallyB

    SallyB Registered User

    May 7, 2005
    What a perfect way of putting it Lynne.

    Just to illustrate one example, (in short!) My Dad lives alone (by his and the rest of my familys choice) Social Services told me that the maximum visits he could have a day from carers was two. During one of those endless rounds of telephone calls that you seem to encounter when looking for advice, i happened upon a very nice lady who had previously worked for social services. Her advice to me which was totally unrelated to my initial query! was that in our area people can have upto a max of four visits a day! But that i would never find that written down anywhere!

    Thus i continue to be the squeaky wheel !!!

  13. zan

    zan Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Dad is hopefully coming home on Thursday.
    We think we have managed to get a night sitter from the local NANS service for Thursday night which will help us to assess how much help he does need in the night. There is free help out there for people with cancer but none of the help is available for people who only have alzheimers. It seems an unfair system. Thanks for everyones' advice and best wishes, Zan
  14. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    West Sussex
    Hi Zan, hope all is well, now don't forget to keep squeaking as Lynne says will you!! Love She. XX ;)

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