Alzheimer sufferer - coping with wife's funeral

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by RRNI, Apr 30, 2015.

  1. RRNI

    RRNI Registered User

    Apr 30, 2015
    1
    My father suffers from moderately severe Alzheimer's and has recently gone into care - mainly to avoid falls - after living with and being cared for by my mother. My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly on Sunday. When I told my Dad he seemed to take it in (though in a very controlled way), but when I visited him the next morning it was like telling him all over again. I am grappling with the decision of whether to take him to see the body at the funeral parlour. With regard to the funeral I was planning to take him to see the closed coffin at the family home before moving on to the church.
    If anyone has any advice based on experience it would be much appreciated.
     
  2. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,320
    Female
    East Kent
    Hello. Welcome to TP.
    I am sorry to hear about your Mum.

    If you think your Father would be distressed or you prefer not to take him then I suggest you leave your Father safe and comfy where he is.
    We never told my Mum that her last and much loved brother had died as it would have distressed her so.
     
  3. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    I'm so sorry that your Mum has died-especially as it was so unexpected-hard times for you having to grieve and cope with your Dad.

    I agree with Lin; in addition I would say it's probably best not to mention your Mum to your Dad unless he asks. Even then think carefully about what you say as each time you tell your Dad he could become upset over and over again. It could possibly be like him hearing the news for the first time. You could perhaps tell him she is shopping and will be visiting in a few days? I had to do this for my Husband as he used to cry asking for his Dad-I never said that he had died 20 plus years ago.We call the 'untruths' 'love lies' on this Forum-anything to keep a Dementia sufferer calm.

    Take care of yourself.

    Lyn T
     

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