Hello everyone, sorry if I have posted this in the wrong section. I am not entirely sure why I am posting, I just need some moral support I suppose. My mum has recently been diagnosed with “early onset” dementia, specifies Alzheimer’s. She is 62, turning 63 in October. She is still waiting for an appointment at the memory clinic which is in a couple weeks. I am really struggling to cope as she is becoming drastically worse as the days go by. She lives at home with me, my sister and my dad (her husband). I am almost certain she is at middle stages. I have been researching dementia for the past year as I was certain she was developing it over a year ago, however we only just had her MRI scan and memory test and had it “confirmed”. She still remembers some past events and knows all of our names (however she sometimes calls us by the wrong names). Today has worried me as she has DRASTICALLY declined just from today… she is constantly upset and angry (mostly with dad). She will not change her clothes or shower, I am having a hard time dealing with this, does anyone have some tips in the meantime as to how I can get her to wash and change her clothes? When I try and brush her hair she starts crying and saying I am hurting her and bullying her, it’s extremely hard for me to deal with. She misplaces EVERYTHING, she loves soft teddies and kids toys and takes them from her grandchildren and hides them. It breaks my heart to look in her bag and find teddies and kids toys. She also loves makeup and nail polish (which previously she has NEVER worn, even as a teenager she would wear a bit of lipstick but that was all). She keeps it all in her handbag and hides it around the house, I am guessing it’s because she doesn’t want anyone to “steal” it from her. Today she kept telling me she has lost her handbag which was right in front of her, I kept reassuring her in a calm way that her bag is right here, she then accused me of stealing it and stealing the contents of her bag even though it was all in there. I am very lost and feel as though everything I do is wrong, it is breaking my heart to see my mum become a totally different person… I feel as though she is my child and I am her mother… she sometimes refers to my dad as her own dad, she relies on him and follows him EVERYWHERE. I am aware this post is a bit of a rant and is slightly all over the place, I would just love some opinions and suggestions on how I can make my mum as happy as possible and how to approach these issues in the meantime whilst we wait for her appointment. I am 24 and I have recently left work (once again) in order to care for her. Thank you for listening ?❤️ Once again I hope I have posted in the correct section!
Alzheimer’s at 63
- Thread starter doglover571
- Start date
A warm welcome @doglover571 to Dementia Talking Point. This is a very friendly community and you'll find lots of support and advice here.
First of all I think you are posting in exactly the right place, and I am so sorry that your mum's dementia has bought you here.
From what you say it sounds to me too that your mum is in the middle stages. Thinking people are stealing things, and hiding them to keep them safe is very common, as is muddling up who people are and being convinced that those that are trying to help are being bossy at best and harming them at worse. I had similar with my mother, the big difference being that I was about your mum's age and my mother was ninety.
My second thought is if you haven't got Lasting Power of Attorney sorted now is the time to get it done. Your mum only needs to understand what it is in the moment.
My third thought is get some help in now. Contact social services and ask for a needs assessment for your mum and a carers assessment for you and your dad. It might take some time as SS are so stretched so worth doing it now, even if you don't think you quite need it yet.
Fourthly start getting some some support in. This might help you discover what is available near you https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you.
Finally, it is lovely that you have given up your job to care for your mum, but if you are not careful you might end up being trapped in being her carer for years. I'm sure when she was well your mum wouldn't have wanted that. Do consider how long you want to be her carer, and have an exit strategy. What do your dad and sister think?
First of all I think you are posting in exactly the right place, and I am so sorry that your mum's dementia has bought you here.
From what you say it sounds to me too that your mum is in the middle stages. Thinking people are stealing things, and hiding them to keep them safe is very common, as is muddling up who people are and being convinced that those that are trying to help are being bossy at best and harming them at worse. I had similar with my mother, the big difference being that I was about your mum's age and my mother was ninety.
My second thought is if you haven't got Lasting Power of Attorney sorted now is the time to get it done. Your mum only needs to understand what it is in the moment.
My third thought is get some help in now. Contact social services and ask for a needs assessment for your mum and a carers assessment for you and your dad. It might take some time as SS are so stretched so worth doing it now, even if you don't think you quite need it yet.
Fourthly start getting some some support in. This might help you discover what is available near you https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you.
Finally, it is lovely that you have given up your job to care for your mum, but if you are not careful you might end up being trapped in being her carer for years. I'm sure when she was well your mum wouldn't have wanted that. Do consider how long you want to be her carer, and have an exit strategy. What do your dad and sister think?
Welcome from me too @doglover571 and don't worry, you haven't posted in the wrong section. Sorry to hear about your mum and the difficulties that your family are having. The first thing that came to mind when I read your post is whether your mum has an infection or is dehydrated as you mention that she has declined drastically in just one day. Things like dehydration or a urine infection or other infections such as covid, chest infection etc can cause havoc in someone with dementia so it might be worth contacting her GP or ringing 111 to see what they suggest particularly as these changes have come on very quickly. I hope that you will be able to get some help for your mum soon.
Hi and welcome @doglover571, unfortunately a lot of carers have problems with hygiene and sometimes finding alternatives ways of dealing with things helps. If your mum won't have a shower will she have a bath or strip wash instead?.
I found i could get MIL in the shower/ bath if I set it going and got new clothes ready but got her to think she had asked me to do it. Unfortunately this ploy only worked for a while. If she doesn't change her clothes but will take them off for bed maybe your dad could remove the dirty ones.
Sometimes if you are stuck in a loop with the conversation the only way to deal with it is to distract her with something else or leave the room. This can help avoiding her getting angry or upset, but if she is constantly upset/ angry or frightened the GP may be able to help with medication
I found i could get MIL in the shower/ bath if I set it going and got new clothes ready but got her to think she had asked me to do it. Unfortunately this ploy only worked for a while. If she doesn't change her clothes but will take them off for bed maybe your dad could remove the dirty ones.
Sometimes if you are stuck in a loop with the conversation the only way to deal with it is to distract her with something else or leave the room. This can help avoiding her getting angry or upset, but if she is constantly upset/ angry or frightened the GP may be able to help with medication
Hi, My sister is in a nursing home awaiting more tests, but she also thinks everyone is stealing from her and constantly hides everything, she also has had her dog being looked after by a family member while being in there,
We took her 2 plush dogs and she had 2 more as well form someone, but now she is trying to feed them and she thinks they are real, but she has told us that she kn ows they are not real!
She lays them on the floor and today she put a note on her door telling staff to keep out as dogs are there,
Do I discourage her or humour her or take them away?
She said she does it a she no longer see s her dog , and that dog is her life , I dont know what to do . x
Thank you for your reply , the staff there are not that good{sorry to say that} but they sort of think it is funny , I know I have such a task on my hands to sort everything out for her, but she is my sister and I will do whatever it takes ,
I also have M C I which is getting worse, so maybe I can have the room next door to her, no dis-respect to anyone on here , just need to lighten the mood a bit ,
I dont know which way to turn ,that is why these forums are such a Godsend. xx
Hi so sorry, I'm sure you have considered this but perhaps her dog could visit, my friend did this with her Mum and the family dog and it didn't cause any upset in their case and comforted her Mum. Take care🌻
