Alzheimer’s and my family

Gillywilly

Registered User
Sep 21, 2018
21
Hi, I just recently lost my darling mother to Alzheimer’s and levy bodies disease. Last November she was given less than a year to live. My dad told the hospital we wanted her home beside him and myself. I can’t tell you how difficult the past nine months were watching her fight the nurses trying to put bandages on or put a catheter in and me having to help. At this point I am going to tell you that I myself am terminally ill. But watching mum die has been terrible. The reason for my post is to warn people about your so called other loved ones in your family. After eight months of nursing mum dad and were exhausted and need a break I myself have careers one of which was my niece whom was very loved by both my father and myself. So after eight months I asked my oldest sister to watch mum for 1 week for dad and I to have a rest so it was agreed that my other niece and her partner would watch mum over the weekend and my sister the Monday and we were back on the Friday. Oh I can’t tell you how we have regretted going. We came back and they had failed to give mum any of her drugs but were telling you oh look she is wide awake. So her comes the WARNING the niece who cared for me started to accuse me of having mum doped out of her brains on morphine the morphine bottle had about three doses out of it. So I told her I would get the doctor down about the morphine and what does she do text me saying I won’t be at work today so the doctor arrives I am crying telling her what I am being accused of and she said to me you’re family clearly do not understand what is happening with your mother I told her I agreed. So it was decided that my nurses would talk to her on the Wednesday. Well we started to explain what had happened we got as far as saying that two drugs had been stopped and my niece jumps up screaming that I got the doctor behind her back untrue I said you failed to come to work on Monday. She was screaming abuse at me accuses me of overdosing on 30 a steal tablets and 400 MHz of morphine at the one time well I would be dead if I had done that. I shouted on dad to come in and listen to the accusations well she started screaming at my father that he was a terrible ******* terrible husband for having a break. Well it basically led to her being fired for gross misconduct. She has ripped the whole family apart my oldest sister even managed to turn my sister in America against us. The funeral was lovely but I had problems grieving for my mum I was told by other family members that at the wake they were calling me all sorts of nasty things. I have almost had a nervous breakdown because of it. My poor father has lost his family although my sister in America has made amends with us both. As for my oldest sister and her family nothing ignored his birthday in October. This is a father who was devoted to his wife for 60 years and worked 14 hours a day to clothe and feed us. How can they treat him like this. All because we needed a break and by the way my oldest sister has only been in our home three times this year apart from those few days she watched mum so she was absolutely no help at all and look what she has done to the family. My father is getting a bit better since my younger sister has made amends but even that only happened after he had a blazing row with her telling her he was sick of them all trying to blame me for everything. As I said I am terminally ill with lung disease and I am the one that has been there to give mum food and drink not them. So my warning to you if you are thinking of having a break think again I am still upset about things I have been so bad with what my family have done I had to go to mental health before I snapped. So watch out for the loved ones who sit on their bums doing nothing.
Gilliywilly
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
479
Yorkshire
Oh my gosh what an awful situation for you and your dad. What a thing to have to go through while already dealing with a heartbreaking situation.
I Suppose if other family members hadn't been around your mum much they wouldn't know how bad things are and perhaps had buried their heads in the sand about how bad your mum was so seeing her that weekend would be a shock. BUT that is no excuse for accusing you of anything or getting nasty with you and your father. Thats just awful! Surely they should have known mums diagnosis and realised what that meant.
You and your dad are ones who were there everyday so you know how mum was and what needed. They didnt do the looking after so had trusted you to do it and it sounds like you did an amazing job to detriment of your own health.
Its such a sad thing to read x
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
363
Mid Lincs
It is so sad to read how families fall out over the way someone is cared for. Unless they have done their share and fully understand all the in & outs of what goes on day after day they have no right to 'go off on one'. If they don't understand or are not convinced something is one's best interest, why can't they ask why something is done a certain way, or why is the patient on a particular medication.
I'm sure a lot of the time it's deflect their own inadequacies or shame because they know in their heart they could have/should have done more.

You did right by your mum, now do right by yourself, get lots of rest and take care.

(((hugs)))
 

LizzieM

Registered User
May 6, 2019
44
It is so sad to read how families fall out over the way someone is cared for. Unless they have done their share and fully understand all the in & outs of what goes on day after day they have no right to 'go off on one'. If they don't understand or are not convinced something is one's best interest, why can't they ask why something is done a certain way, or why is the patient on a particular medication.
I'm sure a lot of the time it's deflect their own inadequacies or shame because they know in their heart they could have/should have done more.

You did right by your mum, now do right by yourself, get lots of rest and take care.

(((hugs)))
Well said @RosettaT , especially the inadequacies bit.
(((Hug))) from here for @Gillywilly too xx
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,472
You need to grieve for your Mum. If there was any doubt about morphine medication & doses it would have been picked up on by the authorities... when others are ill informed & in denial this nastiness creeps in. You have been a dutiful daughter. Now concentrate on you & your health.
Take care. we are only able to do so much
(((((((Hugs)))))))
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
535
This is absolutely heartbreaking to read for so many reasons. It is sickening generally that the family members who do absolutely nothing have the temerity to citicise anyone who cares. Apart from that, your dad has been devoted and so have you PLUS you have your own illness to contend with. Feel good in yourself that you have loved and cared for your mother and she will have known that. Take care of yourself and your dad - hope you have each other for emotional and physical support and yes, grieve all you like.
I would distance myself from siblings who don't know or care but care to be so judgemental about the ones who do all the work - how dare they!
Be kind to yourself and be as happy as you can be.
Best wishes xxx