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Always sleeping and info on looking but not seeing

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by 1mindy, Jul 22, 2015.

  1. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Hi . I am new here but have posted a bit on other threads.
    Just wondered if anyone had experience of constant sleep. My other half sleepe really well at night, gets up has breakfast sleeps in the chair , lunch time comes he sleeps for a couple of hours in the chair. Evening sleeps in front of the TV then off to bed. Everything I read talks of not sleeping.

    Just as an aside when the MH Nurse came the other day I mentioned to him that if I point things out to my husband , say the huge poppy plant with massive flowers which are in a bed three feet from the window he seems to look but not see, this is with everything I point to he looks but doesnt see. I knew it wasnt his eyesight as that is perfect. The Nurse said it was because the message from his eyes was not reaching his brain. When I asked if this was not a bit dangerous for driving he said " I suppose so ".
    Currently his driving licence with the DVLA it will be interesting to see if he gets it back ( no pun intended )
     
  2. chris53

    chris53 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2009
    2,929
    London
    Hi mindy, just wanted to welcome you to Talking Point:)constant sleeping can go hand in hand with dementia, both my mum and mum in law seem to sleep for england since their journey into dementia world, I look at it as the brain is not working properly and it needs to rest more:( with not seeing things, looking but not seeing i have noticed this with my mum, especially when she reads anything, she reads from the bottom up..so a bit of guesswork involved when she tells me about something she has read, agree with the comment the nurse said, although surprised with the very laid back remark from him regarding driving:eek:I hope you find a lot of help here, and do keep in touch.
    Take care
    Chris
     
  3. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Hi Mindy

    My Mum had good eyesight but also started failing to register what was in front of her, I have read on the main website somewhere that this is a symptom for some with dementia.

    Does your husband still actually drive? If so, it sounds very scary that he might not notice pedestrians on a crossing etc. Hope you can find some way to dissuade him.
    Best wishes.
     
  4. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Yes he still drives. The missing people cars at junctions is my concern. His licence is reviewed every year and it is with DVLA at the moment. I filled in the renewal and said his memory was worse. I have no idea who they then go to for further info. He may of course get it back. He thinks he is fine to drive. I always drive if we go out together.
     
  5. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    On that does help as I was concerned about the sleep thing. If the comment from the nurse concerned you he also said ." of course there is not much we can do to help as it is patient lead and your husband does not want anything from us at the moment " This followed a 30 min chat with my husband without me present ,my husband did not want me there ,so who knows what was said . Hence why I feel quite alone and think that whilst the rhetoric is there the actions are not.
     
  6. angiebails

    angiebails Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    227
    crewe
    My OH is doing exactly that. He spends more and more time asleep. Not that I am complaining as not long ago his aggression and hatred for me was too much too take so I am enjoying the rest but when it comes to seeing things it is hard to believe that you describe something so near in such detail I blind person could see and they don't. I have to try and remember not to point anything out as it just ends in frustration for both of us.
    As too the driving this is more serious. My OH insisted he could still drive. Each year his licence was up for renewal and he knew he was still able to drive by law even though his actual licence was with the DVLA for renewal. The consultant asked him at his appointment whether he was still driving to which he replied yes. The consultant then turned to me and asked me if he was a safe driver. I was stunned and nodded my head, what was I meant to say when my husband was sat looking at me and at that time the consultant knew he was violent and trying to kill me.
    DVLA issued a new licence and I was petrified to go out with him, he crashed the car over a traffic island because he didn't see it and blamed me for not telling him that it was there. His daughter in law then got the car repaired for him as I refused. So I refused to go with him. Then next he drove the car straight into the garage damaging the car and the garage. More expense.
    So please do all you can to stop him driving as you are so right and there is a form you can fill in to tell the DVLA.
    https://emaildvla.direct.gov.uk/emaildvla/cegemail/dvla/en/drivers_med_03.html
    It is anonymous so they won't know it's come from you then as time goes by they do actually decide for themselves not to drive as they lose there confidence. Sorry to go on but I realise my husband could of killed someone and I did all I could to stop him driving before it was too late. Shame his family didn't think the same when they told him his driving was good having spent 10 minutes with him.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  7. Testona

    Testona Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    29
    Abergavenny
    My father has the same thing going on with not seeing what he is looking at. He has difficulty with telling the time. He can't judge the size of food portions. He tells you that X is not there and when you go to look it's staring you in the face. I spend all day looking for his glasses.
     
  8. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,041
    I have learnt that in bad phases I cannot see something even if I know it is there. I am by nature a tidy person and put things where they belong. But in bad phases when my brain is 'misfiring' or whatever it is doing I cannot see things . This is what adds to distress and frustration and also to paranoia because 'who has moved it'. When the phase passes I find the 'thing' where it always was, so 'who' put it back? That is the tricks that are played on the mind by the damaged brain. Having observed and lived with my symptoms for over 5 years I have learnt to try and make my environment as simple as possible and not to stress when I am in a bad phase, the latter far easier said than done as brain when not functioning on 'normal' things can be having a whale of a time hallucinating or just dealing with immediate environment, made worse if non understanding people around, so living alone is a blessing in such circumstances. I have always had insight into my condition and am aware that this may be because I am younger and so am aware of the forced changes it has made to my life. Living alone will get harder though I know but talking about my symptoms to those who help me and are able to listen, helps me greatly as it affirms I cannot help it, I am not one to ask for help if I can do something myself. Part of the battle of acceptance is getting others to understand the severity of the symptoms and finding a way together that will help, different for everyone. Probably repeated myself in there but brain in a bit of a jumble today.
     
  9. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,655
    Hampshire
    Thank you Sue, that is a very valuable and informative insight to share x
     
  10. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    How nice to hear from you as it appears very similar to my husband but he does not have any days where this sight thing is OK. He also is very different to you as he won't talk to anyone about his condition and prefers not to go out than face people. He won't even meet up with our friends of 25 plus years. He did say today he wouldn't like to live on his own.You sound so rounded hoping your jumble days are less than your good days.
     
  11. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Until I got onto this forum I really thought it was just us. Today we did have a nice level chat and he did say that he felt it was just him.But I did point out it wasn't
    Don't even go there with the glasses.I resorted to a chain round his neck but he won't wear it as it apparently looks rediculous. So the hunt goes on.
     
  12. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    I struggle with reporting him but I know its the right thing to do. My mum had dementia she never gave up driving and she always got her licence renewed. So she could drive if she wanted to go anywhere the car was in the garage for the last 8 years of her life.Just in case!!!
     
  13. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,041
    Thank you Celia:)

    I was more like your husband Mindy, when I first became unwell. I slept constantly, in between bouts of aggression and psychosis. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it but didn't want to be isolated either. The friends I do meet with are those of 25 plus years who have seen the changes and who I can talk to because I am still me on the inside and they understand me. I too try to understand what is happening in my body and notice the disease is in cycles for me. I believe it was triggered by a brain infection following extreme stress. I can't say I like to live alone, but I do not wish to live with anyone and have them constantly deal with aggression or insult, I find the symptoms hard enough to cope with myself.

    I'm sorry your husband doesn't have any days where his sight is Ok, I would struggle very much more if I didn't know I do get a break in my symptoms although whilst I'm in it I don't remember that and then it is frightening being alone and TP is a Godsend as there's always someone here.
     
  14. Benjamin

    Benjamin Registered User

    Jun 7, 2013
    12
    Leeds
    Hi Mindy, my husband also is sleeping a lot, sometimes up to 19 hours a day, but never feels refreshed, he complains constantly of being tired with aches and pains in his hips and knees. I can't get him interested in going out or taking part in family life. He isn't aggressive or particularly difficult, just not interested in whatever is going on, doesn't want to go out unless it's to a supermarket (he always did love shopping). This has been going on for some months now, his memory nurse doesn't think it's a problem and I should let him sleep if he wants to, she makes me feel as if I'm exaggerating and looking for sympathy.

    Hope it gets better for you soon.
     
  15. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    I know that my husband is still him inside and our friends (we are a close knit group of 5 couples ) understand this too. But unlike you he just won't socialise any more. On the last two occasions we have agreed to meet one couple for lunch he has said he will come and at the last minute is Ill and can't so I go alone. I am beginning to think that to meet with people is too stressful for him . Maybe the work involved with his brain is too tiring or just simply too much. I think it would be good for him to get out but maybe he is better doing what he wants to do and is comfortable with. Does this make sense ?
     
  16. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Wow apart from the fact my husband does get aggressive and difficult you could be talking about him. Only its his shoulder he's in agony with or when we get to the doctors it becomes his knee. He's always loved shopping in general.

    Thanks so do I .
     
  17. Wherorwhen

    Wherorwhen Registered User

    Jul 25, 2015
    1
    I too am new here, my first post.

    My husband also looks but cannot see. We also have been told it isn't his sight but that his brain cannot process what he is looking at. He tells me he just doesn't understand what is in front of him. He sleeps a lot of the time and his memory has almost totally gone. Thankfully he does still know who I am and most of the time is kind and loving. Sometimes he becomes angry and aggressive both to the Nursing Home staff and me but recovers if we stop doing what ever it is that upsets him and don't talk.

    Music is the one thing that gives him pleasure and every visit I take a couple of CD's
    of his favourite Andre Rieu and we listen to them and inexplicably he knows a piece as soon as it begins and tries to join in.

    I feel for you regarding the driving. Before he was advised to stop he began to be unsure when to turn left or right on a very familiar route. In fact the very last time he drove I had to tell him every turn to make and I found it so stressful I vowed not to do it again. Plus, from having immaculate control for very many years it became a struggle to manoeuvre the car into the garage and I needed give him directions, which although he needed he really resented. After that the car stayed in the garage for over two years before I finally manage to persuade him to part with it.

    He has now been in a Nursing Home a year and a half and we both cope. I am not sure how long I will be able stay in the house that has been our home for over 54 years of the 68 years we have been together. We knew each other for 2 years and were engaged for another 2 before we married. It is a very long time and we were and
    still are, all in all to each other. It wasn't meant to end like this but there are many who are in worse situation and we try to make the best of it.
     

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