• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Always get me.........


Registered User
Mar 19, 2005
Very selfish today. It's my birthday and my family are making a big effort but............
does anyone else just feel down because they know there won't be a card or a phone call from their dad? I'm going to visit him at the weekend but he doesn't know who I am and can't speak to me anyway (the swear words don't count). Bittersweet.

K x.


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005

Yes I understand how sad it is - I miss the ones from my husband, both at birthdays and at Christmas time.

So I will start a new Thread just to cheer you up!


Registered User
Feb 9, 2010
Happy Birthday!

I do know how you feel, I think is stems from childhood when it was always your parents job to make your birthday special.

A few years ago before mum lost the ability to write, and before the diagnosis, she wrote me a birthday card but instead of putting love from mum, she put love from Jean. I was so upset that she had forgotten she was writing the card for her daughter.

It is sad but try not to let it upset you too much. Enjoy your day today and try and just remember a birthday when your dad did know and was able to share it with you. I am sure that he would want you to enjoy your day and would be wishing you a Happy Birthday if he were able to tell you himself.


sad nell

Registered User
Mar 21, 2008
bradford west yorkshire
Birthday wishes from me too, and a hug, I will let you into a little secret P, I bring out an old birthday card and christmas card each year that were written by my Trev many moons ago and pretend they are this years, means more than ones sent on his behalf because of the love in the few scribbled vewords, may not work for everyone though, hope you have a nice a day as you can. Happy Birthday, Love Pam


Registered User
Sep 26, 2010
Hi Mrs P, wishing you happiness, peace and comfort on your birthday.
Was just about to post when I read Pams' contribution :)

I never throw away 'old' cards anyway, but the same proceedure started with us some years ago, after my sister put up a valentine card from her boyfriend (then husband) when they were either courting or just married.
Of course, it was all a bit tongue-in cheek to start with, being a light-hearted way around reminding him that he hadn't sent her one in later years.:D (The same card went up for years)
For a few years now, I've done the same with valentine, birthdays and special Christmas cards. They serve as a great reminder of when we bought all the slushy, sloppy but true sentiments - which have become blunted over the years - but it does make us realise that we still do mean every word.

I agree with Pam, set one on show which your dad sent you when he was able to give you this himself.
If you don't have one, or even as well as, buy dad a card from you, write a message inside TO HIM, tell him how you feel and how you love him. Take it to him on your visit.
It dosen't matter that he may not understand it properly, you will have marked the day.
Birthdays can be for giving as well as getting. You can still thank him and send him your love on the occasion of bein X years of being your dad.

Again, best wishes on your special day Mrs P:):)

Love, Necion. x

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
I'm fortunate because I've never been upset when someone forgets my birthday. Obviously my mother never did but my father was erratic at best. Since my parents split up when I was 15, it meant that I didn't get very many cards or calls from Daddy. I guess I'm very like my father, because I'm not very good with remembering people's birthdays. Thank goodness my husband is great with dates!

I look back at the cards and letters I received when Mum was well and those mean more to me than a card filled out by someone else.

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